Mil requested to stay with us. She love our baby very much and she love his son also. She said she can help us taking care baby. Help us doing some house chores and cook meal for us. I really appreciated but I found that my role has been taken as she love both of them too much. My husband will take her mom as first place too as she really love him so much since young. Should I reject?? As I foresee it may have family issue in future. How should i reject? what should i do so that won't be the bad person to make the decision and won't spoilt the relation between my hubby and mil?
I think this feeling is unanimous. I have experienced this feeling when we are at my in-laws place or they are around, and I have seen this emotion spilling out of my in-laws when my husband and I are together on our own. They weave thoughts and think unimportant things. They think that I have taken over their son, and they are not anymore important to him. And which I think is not true in either case. This I can make out when I am not in his parents place, and I see how much he cares for them. Same goes with me. Even if his parents are around or not he cares for me as well. I guess, it is truly hard for the poor son/husband to meet the expectations at both ends. Everyone has his/her importance in a person's life. The way I can't take my mother-in-laws place in his heart, similarly, my MIL too cannot take my place in his heart. Insecurity, love, hate, jealousy etc... are all emotions, which if go in excess can mess up our lives. I suggest, amidst all your work and chores, take out time each week to spend quality time with your husband. You can even share the thought that is troubling you, and few words from him will comfort you and settle down your insecurity. She is his mother. Do not enter that domain. She is not your competition. Get involved with your husband in showing love and appreciation to your MIL, and you will see how things will work your way.Read more
You will need to discuss with your husband to get his take on this issue too. There are definitely pros and cons to having another caregiver around to help. However, if you think that you are able to handle, you can leverage on this point. If I were you, I will probably highlight that your mother-in-law is likely not that young and would get tired doing household chores and looking after a child (and also her son). Put it in a way such that she deserves to assume the role of the grandparent and indulge in simply having to play with her grandchild. I think this will avoid coming across as rejecting her offer. That being said, if you do welcome her help, perhaps you will need to think of some ground rules so that you will still be the main care giver to your baby and ensure that you can brig your child up the way you would prefer.Read more
i think it is nice of your MIL to offer her help. as far as the love and care goes, it is natural is it not? she is a mother and she will have those feelings for her son, and for her grandchildren too. this does not mean she is taking your place. if your husband gives her a lot of importance, what's wrong with it? if you do feel neglected, talk to him nicely, without linking this to your MIL. tell him that for whatever reason, you are missing the amount of love he showered you with earlier and that you are now used to. tell him you miss it and cuddle up to him. get intimate tell him you love him and you want to spend more time together. i am sure he loves you as much and this is just about time management. things will be fine :)Read more
i think it is very nice that your MIL has offered to help and take care of things at home. also, it is natural for your husband to get attached to her and give her preference on a lot of things and why not. i am sure you too would have loved it if your mom was staying with you and looking after you. however, if you feel your hubby does not spend time with you at all, or that you don't hold that special place for him anymore, talk to him nicely about it and show him that you miss his love, attention and care. don't take this as a comparison but understand his feelings too. if you feel too negative about this, speak to him and don't go ahead with a permanent situation where you live with in-lawsRead more
i used to stay with my pils until my hub is totally dependent on his mother for everything. He is literally like a small boy towards his parents. Staying together has its pros and cons. If child care arrangement is an issue, mil definitely has her plus points there. However, you might be prepared to lose some privacy and intimacy time with your own family. We moved out after staying for 2 years and my mil comes over to help us with our children from Mon to Fri. Weekends are our own family time. I find the current arrangement is good as there are lesser possible conflicts with pils and I am to build up my little nest. Be courageous and talk to your hub on what you think.Read more
I will prefer not to stay with in laws given a choice. The more people living under one roof, the more conflicts. But you gotta agree that, with kids around its good to have another adult around at home. You could have some time off with your hubby. Or even have some private time to yourself. Sometimes when u are in a rush she might be able to pick your child up. Like chinese say 家有一老 如有一宝. Having an elderly at home is like having a treasure. I also find kids who socialise more with elderly more polite and patient(maybe because of the constant nagging).Read more
It's really sweet of your MiL to offer so much help and it's also her right to do so, but if your feel unimportant because of this development, the best way to deal with this problem is to speak to your husband about it. Tell him honestly how you feel and why it's important for you and your MiL to reach an understanding to carry on this relationship without a dent. If he dismisses it at first, be persistent. He has to hear you out. This way he will speak to his mum about boundaries and you don't have to be the bad guy!Read more
Yes, you have to deal with this issue together with your husband. Sit down and talk about the things you observe since your mother in law has moved in to your house. Explain to your husband the pros and cons but don't forget to show that you are grateful for all the help his mom has given. Just let him realize that you need to grow and make decisions as a family and that you want to stand on your own and not be dependent on anyone else.Read more
Your love for your kids does not diminished because someone love them more.. But your love become conditional or tainted when you try to step between of someone who genuinely want to love them. Call it maternal instinct or whatsoever...at end of the day it is counter productive.