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Random Talk

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How to forgive a husband who visited prostitution?

It didn't occur to me that it would happen to me but it did. I’ll try to summarise as much as I could else it’ll turn this into a novel. For almost 10 years we’ve been together, he had been nothing but faithful until this year. He is a respectable man and doted on me. However, after our first child, we starting growing apart. I spent all my energy on our child but we still had sex regularly until our child co-sleep with us. That was the beginning of the end. I got pregnant again quite unexpectedly, we wanted to wait another year initially. Being pregnant and taking full-time care of a toddler made me physically exhausted by the end of the day and caused my sex drive to be on an all-time low. Subsequently, we started to communicate lesser because I felt like he couldn't understand my sacrifices and vice-versa. We only spoke when necessary else we’ll quarrel and I tried to give him sex 1-2 a month but he stopped demanding for it after a while. I did ask him before why isn't he asking for sex (before I found out) and he just casually said it's because I didn't feel like it and didn't want to pressure me into giving. Soon enough, I reached the 7th month of my pregnancy and that was when I found out he went behind my back to visit prostitution. My whole world honestly collapsed and the trust that was there for all these years gone in an instant. He was the last man I believed would ever do that to me but I was wrong. He came clean. He answered everything that I asked on the spot and begged me not to leave him. He admitted he visited the brothel a total of three times and the first time he visited was when I was 2-3 months into pregnancy. He cried and told me there was no excuse for what he did, he just fucked up. He also told me he planned to go once more before I deliver the child and wasn't expecting me to find out. (too honest?) I talked to him a bit more while I was crying nonstop, he claims his friends some attached some married also did the same and they make it sound like it's socially acceptable to do it. It was really daunting because all these while, I never thought we had a problem in our marriage. After the incident, we ironically became closer than before. We communicated more, voluntarily spending more time with each other and became more transparent about our feelings towards each other. He also made his location known to me by letting me track him on the ”find my friends” app so I can feel more at ease but I try not to look at it much else it makes me feel like I'm crazy. However, the wound is still very fresh and I often wonder if I should ever trust him again? Until now, I haven't told him I forgive him but I will strive in that path of forgiving. I hope no mummies here ever have to experience this kind of a pain but if there is, I would be very glad to hear your advice, opinion, and story about it. ??

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Is divorce the only option?

I am a single mother of 3 children. Got married early this year to my partner of 4 years and am heavily pregnant. Partner has been nothing but nice towards my children and they adore him very much. Children’s biological father is a no-show parent so children get the fatherly love from my partner. Until after we got married and stayed together. He became very strict and expects everything to go by his way. Told him couple of times that the children feels that he has changed. He realises that and spends more time with children but that only lasted for a few days. Recently we got into an argument. He has this habit of asking and pestering me to answer his questions there and then, even with kids around. After the fourth time he repeatedly asked what i was upset about despite me telling him to allow me to settle the kids and not talk abt it because it will only lead to us fighting, i got fed up and told him what made me upset. He couldn’t find anything to reply me and because he didn’t want to seem like he’s the losing end, he said i was showing a very bad example towards the children for talking the way i did. I said ok and went in the bathroom. Then he got really angry and he started hitting and breaking a few things in the house - in front of the children. My child got really scared and ran towards me crying. I honestly regret marrying him. But I don’t know what else to do. This will be my 2nd divorce and the 2nd time i put my children through such painful ordeal. Am I overreacting or is divorce the only option? I need opinions.

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