Managing newborn and confinement on our own

My husband and I are planning to manage confinement and our newborn on our own as we prefer it that way. I am not comfortable having someone else at home and my husband is pretty hands on with cooking and chores. This is our first child. My mom expects that we move in with her for a month for confinement as she says that she has everything at her place and she can help us with cooking, cleaning and looking after the baby. She just asked me again if I have decided to go to her place and (although she asked it as if I had a choice) when I told her that we will be staying at home she went ballistic and basically went on about how we don’t know what we are getting ourselves into. This is precisely why I prefer to stay at home as although she is helpful, she always just wants to do things her own way and can get very negative, which affects me and I know that I will be stressed if she is around. We told her that she is welcome to come over to play with the baby but I know that she is still upset that we are not doing things her way. I have purchased the 30 day herbal soups and my husband will be cooking my meals. I have also been reading up as much as I can on breastfeeding and newborn care to prepare. We are not too fastidious about the house being sparkling clean and lead a pretty no frills lifestyle. Would just like to handle this on our own terms without causing so much upset. Sigh. Any advice or stories of support welcome. Can’t really share with my close friends as they all have helper, confinement nannies and / or their mum / MILs around during the period and see it as a necessity. Nothing wrong with that definitely, but I know it’s not for me.

11 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

me and my hubs did managed our own confinement. not strict, flexible ones. we're living with my BIL and he dont allow visitors in so no choice do ourselves. so basically for my whike 44days of pp, we didnt get any help from anyone, plus everyone in my and his family know that we're the type we dont ask for extra help. they would only call in to ask if everything's ok. i have experienced taking care of my mum's pp and my hubs is clueless. so even right after discharge, i did everything myself. which includes my food, baby changing and bath, housechores and all. till now 3m pp, im still doing everything alone while my hubs has to work despite covid19. he does help when he's free. but i rather him to rest and work, while i settle things reallll fast. yknow guys always take their time, right?😂 of course its super tiring. its been 3months pp. when was the last time i had my last good night sleep? probably when i was pregnant at 6months 😂 so I haven't been sleeping well almost 6months.on top of that, ive started working back at night shift. but now my 3m babygirl has grown up and her milestone is incredibly fast, everythings worth it. worth all the tiredness, sleepless nights and all. its okay to manage your own confinement. after all only you and hubs know better. but do seek help when yall need. as much baby is important, your mental health too is important. take care mummy. all z best ❤️😘

Read more
VIP Member

Me and my husband did my confinement without having a CL. But oh well, it's really tough. Both my mom and MIL have their own biz so there's no way they have the time to help out unless just pop by and say hi (mostly just playing with baby. There's many things around my house which they dk where I place it such as baby towels, clothes, diapers. And they don't know how to use my uv sterilizer too 😅 so ended up it's them playing with baby, while I drag my feet after a csect delivery to become their assistant 😂 I had my herbal bath and confinement meals catered daily for 28 days. It's not easy handling a newborn because we still couldn't catch her patterns yet (every baby has diff needs). There's many things to learn along the way and recuperate at the same time. If I ever get pregnant again, I'll hire a CL. Surely money is saved, but ever since I've given birth till now (4 months postpartum) I haven't had a chance to at least have a proper rest for a day 😂

Read more
2y ago

Wah at here also can kenna spotted ley! 😂 1 day don't have maybe 30 mins - 1hour have la 😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

My mother in law helped out but seriously, with her help or without her help it doesn't make any differences. But I would suggest you to get confinement meals instead and have your husband to help out totally if you insist of not getting any help. Especially for first time mum. I'm a first time mom too, so help from someone else is good, else you'll feel lonely when your husband is not with you when you needed him the most. Good thing for having someone to help is during baby bathing (unless you have attended any of the classes), cleaning up the house etc. But again, if you're not comfortable, don't force it. You might end up in post natal depression

Read more

It's not going to be easy although u already have things planned out. If u aren't intending to get help from your mother, I suggest that u order confinement food, at least u won't have to let your husband cook for u. You can also order extra food so that your husband can eat too! He can then use the free up time to help u around with things (such as washing bottles, pump, preparing bath water, look aft baby when u are pumping or taking a rest etc etc). There are tons of things to be done and u definitely will be overwhelmed. Hope everything goes smoothly for u, take care!

Read more

I totally support this. I refused to get a confinement nanny as I do not want a stranger to tell me I need to do this or I cannot do that. In ordered confinement food and managed my baby on my own after hubby went back to work. My mum was still working when I had my daughter so she only pops over in the evenings for a short while after work. When i had my son, she was looking after my daughter full time and only comes over with my daughter every few days, though I'd prefer more often so that I can see my daughter. You can do it! 加油!!!

Read more
Super Mum

Hi there:) my husband’s a stay at home dad. We did both confinements on our own and the subsequent child care too! With hands on parents, definitely doable. I’d rather be tired from taking care of baby ourselves than have our parents tell us what to do or make comparisons and unkind remarks. My elder child’s 4yo this year, and the younger one’s 8mo. All the doubts and objections our parents have had about our plans have been thrown out the window already. Haha. Because we’re doing well, and our children are growing up well:)

Read more

I am totally for this! My husband and I insisted on managing things and taking care of our baby on our own so we ordered confinement food catering. Although my mom came over during confinement, we still took care of baby on our own - from bathing, feeding, nightfeeds, sleeping etc. My mom has her own beliefs too which i dont agree, so by the first week of my confinement we already quarrelled 😅it was really stressful with old folks around who think we do not know anything or think they are always right, although they mean well....

Read more

I had my first kid while living abroad - most folks there are very DIY and they are out and about with baby very soon after they get home. They don't even do confinement. its very doable especially since its your first kid and there aren't other kids to worry about and your husband is very hands on. Sleep when baby sleeps. Delivered food is a great option. You can do it!!

Read more
VIP Member

It's not going to be easy but definitely possible, especially if your husband is very hands on. Can also consider getting confinement meals delivered to ease your husband duties as buying groceries, cooking and cleaning can take up lots of time. Also make sure essential baby items are ready. Good luck and take care.

Read more

Can try. Definitely not gonna be easy. Both of you will be very tiring. Have to handle midnight feeds. And pumping of milk. You will not have enough of sleep. Wish you good luck.