hi, SAHM does your mil ask you for money every month? she ask me for money every month when hubby gets pay. Hubby bring home merely $1.5k.. We are staying with ILs. She never fails to ask me to give money go my FIL every single month even when I told her that we are paying bank loan of $300 every month. Plus Minus expenses, we really have nothing left. So my parents always help me out by giving me money and all. But my parents never ask money from me before even though they help us every month. I feel that it is unfair if I give my ILs but not my parents.. What do you think?
Ok... looking at your situation sounds familiar to my situation... the only difference was we don't stay with my ex in-laws...so for my case was that my ex MIL started asking money from me when we left my son in her care... that time I just graduated and started working... so besides giving my dad allowance, I still had to give her and my ex hubby money plus pay for my study loan... but I'm a very auto person... since she helped to take care of my boy so I gave her money... but she expected me to give more than her son becos I earned more than him...special occasions I also bought stuffs for her like abalone on CNY and mooncakes from hotels on Mid-Autumn festival but she never ever said one thank you to me... this kind of situation went on for 8.5 years until I divorced... many times I would think my ex hubby and in-laws didn't support me financially through my studies so why should I give them money? And why should I give more just becos I earn more than my ex hubby? so now my current hubby... I don't give him money... he gives me allowance... I still buy stuffs for my in-laws on special occasions and I don't give them money unless it's CNY or their birthdays... in my view... maybe your hubby and you should have a proper discussion with your in-laws and agree on who to give them money and how much to give... it should be within both of your means... worse come to worse then you and your hubby should move out to avoid conflicts... and your hubby should be the one to manage and handle all conflicts between u and his parents... no matter what u do appreciation is very important... your hubby must appreciate your contributions towards his parents and your in-laws have to appreciate your contributions towards them too... you dun owe anybody anything other than your parents who brought u up and provided you education...Read more
Maybe get your hub to talk to your mil about the financial situation. Some time IL doesnt know how well paid or not so well paid their kids. Once they know their kid not doing well they maynpt ask moneyfrom their own kid anymore. But since you are staying with them it make sense to give them a little allowance to pay for things like household expenses and utility bills. But if financially this is tough. Iwould suggest that u find a job too if both your inlaws are at home and can help u take care of kids. Cos after getting your own flat probably gonna use this money paid to your IL for your own hse expenses. Financially the burden will be even more if they require your hub to continue give them allowances for their daily expenses given that they have paid so muchto raise your hub since young.Read more
urm ask your hubby to explain to them the situation. its not like you both dowan to give, its just its just enough to survive. as DIL, we can't argue much haha that sucks but oh wells. but since you both cant give money, maybe buy groceries or bring them out to eat once in a while. bc at the end of the day, yall staying with them. my mum and MIL dont ask for money, but we agreed to bring them out once in a while when we have extra money. esp my side have 7 ppl total and im the eldest to 6 schooling kids, so i explained to my mum we're unable to help every month but will try when we can.Read more
even my own mother chase me for money that 1 time when i was late in giving her. 1 time out of so many years. let alone in laws. i feel it’s right to give them some $ since staying in their house. i don’t stay with my mother. i still have to give her $ every month. as for how much to give, your husband can discuss with them and be frank what is his limit. hope they will understand. next time when i’m old, i hope i won’t be useless and ask my kids for money. i will keep myself alive with my own savings.Read more
I am SAHM and I dont give my MIL money since I am no longer working. But to be fair to your in laws, they have provided you and your husband a place to stay thus it will be good if your husband is willing to make an effort to give a minimal sum of money. Do consider that if you were to rent from market or having own place, it's definitely much more expensive. Both set of your parents have contributed in their own ways it's not about fair or not fair though.Read more
If its really tight up to this point, then ask your husband to speak to his mum about his limit either he give or dont give and see what your MIL says. Or a small contribution for utilities is good enough, cos cannot ignore that fact that they provide a place to stay.
Same situation here, staying with in laws we’ve already help them to split the bills for SP services, paying their internet fees as well as paying my mil as she is helping me to tc of my child. But my fil always say and asked to help to pay the food expenses which we rarely eat at home. Moreover I didn’t even give my parent money which I felt super bad as I doesn’t have enough after paying all these. Sigh...Read more
I feel you should be able to survive yourselves first before you give your in-laws. Yes, it's not nice to not give anything but what's the point giving and giving when you barely have anything to keep yourself going? Just give them a bigger red packet when it's their birthday/festivities. They should understand your situation and not use you and their son as an atm y'knowRead more
Discuss with your mil if she is able to help you to take care of you LO then u will be able to find a job to sustain family living expenses. With more money you bring home then u and ur husband also should be able to contribute some money to the family (i.e. Utilities, food if you eat at in laws place) based on what you can.Read more
My MIL is not staying with us. She got her own job but still ask for money from my hubby. 😅 i dont understand especially when she knows we need to save money for the hospital bills once i gvw birth. She even asked me to write down her bank details so it’ll be easier to give her $. So funny lol
You mentioned u stay with the in-laws, but whose house does that belongs? If house are theirs n I think yr family shld help to pay something or give allowance. I believe yr own family can understand. If in-laws can help u looking after children, u can also look for job to help yr husband financially.Read more
so you mean, if I stay with my parents, my ILs also should help my family to pay with something?