Will you lend your in laws your own money?

So here’s the situation. For the first time, my in laws has been asking money from us. And it’s $20K cash money to buy a house. They have been planning to purchase a smaller house and stay near us. I have been married for two years with two beautiful daughters. So recently, they just sold their 4rm flat and downgrade to smaller house. They found one but after the agent calculate their own CPF, additional with the our housing grant etc etc, they are still short of $20K. Usually they will ask my husband for money every end of the month but I simply brush it off cause it’s not much anyway. But this time round, they are asking $20K from us. My husband and I do have the amount in our combine account (our emergency account) but I, as a wife is still contemplating to borrow them. It’s not $1K-$2K we are talking about but $20K. And even if I were to lend them 1/4 of that $5K-$7K, I’m scared they will take their own sweet time to pay us back. Cause they still need to find another half and pay it accordingly. So, if you were me. Will you willing to give/lend that huge amount to your in laws or ask them to source for something else, eg: personal bank loan? #advicepls FYI, we have never ever ask them for money throughout the years. Even for our wedding reception, the sum of money that we paid fully came from our blood and sweat. They just shake leg and do nothing. Same goes when we have our own house and when I give birth. So idk if I should lend them ours.

Anonymous

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You would need to discuss in depth with your husband since 20K is huge even if you have extra in ur combined acct. I think firstly, would be gd to know more abt their situation, as in, is there a real gd reason fr them to move hse other than wanting to move near you? As I feel it's not worth it to dwngrade if they still need to fork out tt cash component. Similar situation to my parents who had to set aside money to meet the minimum retirement sum and tt's why they had to pay some cash if they were to downgrade. At last, they decided not to sell and my sis sacrificed her own CPF to pay the remaining hse loan as a lump sum pmt. For ur situation, does ur hubby have any other siblings who can help too? I think regardless of whether you're on gd or bad terms with them, it's best not to fork out such huge amt of cash for something that's not life threatening because we may not know what will happen in the near future. Personally, if this were to happen to me, I wld only consider giving a part of the sum IF there is really no other solution AND IF the other siblings also contribute.

20k is really a huge sum of money. I will not lend them. I'd rather use that for my children ans in your case it's for emergency only. The problem with your in laws is that they shouldn't have sell their 4rm just yet. I will say this is not the best time to do so especially when they still need to fork out 20k. Tell your husband how you feel and discuss a better way to help them. Afterall, it's both your hard earned money. Even family members may not return what they borrowed 🤷🏻‍♀️

VIP Member

i will help. but i will probably tell them i can only help them half. if they die die need the full amount then i will get my husband to make known to them that they die die have to pay back no matter what as it belong to both husband and wife (not solely your husband's savings) and lay out the repayment terms before promising to help them. keep it firm so they know its not a lend but no return thing.

I would say that if you were to lend any amount, take it as though it will not be returned to you. So if you feel that it is fine without 20k, then go ahead and lend. If you dont have that mindset, then in the future any events relating to money will be sensitive topics. You dont want to have money spoiling your relationship. Discuss with your hubby about it too as they are his parents.

TapFluencer

actually it depend on individual and I think honestly lend is a nicer word to say. I think it's right to just give them but if they return it will be bonus. regardless whether you take money from them or not. your hub is their son they brought him up. out of filial I will just pass it to them to tide over. 20k yes it's not a small amount it's not very big amount too.

VIP Member

Are you in the good term with them? If it were me... I might have a little issue cause we were never good in the beginning so I won't lend them BUT if I were good with them from the very beginning and I have more than enough... I will give them the money. Like what the others are saying you don't want any events relating to money affect your relationship.

ask them no need to downgrade, continue to stay in current house so no need to come out with any single $. trust me, if they stay near with u, will create more issues in the future esp when they help u take k ur children.. i regret to stay so near my parent in law... always got conflicts coz they come to my house everyday..

Discuss with your husband as they are his parents. Be it partial or full sum, just take it as the money won't be returned. About your wedding, your own house and new born, the money should be from you and your husband, shouldn't expect from them. Once turned adult, any expenses should be on your own, not from parents.

Discuss with ur husband...let him make the decision...they r his parents who brought him up...Same thing..if this happen to ur parents..im sure he will understand it as well... Money is a sensitive subject...but discussion with ur husband...let him know ur own family needs n means...then let him decide...

They raised your husband and is reasonable to ask for support from own children. Discuss with your partner....Depends on your financial condition, give or lend within your means. Don't let it affect the family relationship.

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