Hi all! Just a random rant. My husband hardly give me gifts, bring me to restaurant. To him, as long as he can be full, it does not matter if its cheap or expensive food. On my birthday, I was given a choice of either having flowers, a cake or a gift. I can only choose one of it. Now he said that he can’t stay any longer on his job, asked me not to spend his money. In fact, I hardly spend his money. I spend mostly using my own money. We argue mostly on money and he said I was not supportive to his decision. He said he got stress whenever I asked for a restaurant meal on valentine day or my birthday and a gift. I was just feeling myself so pathetic that not even my husband is appreciate what I did for him and still being so calculative to me. It made me felt that marrying him is a mistake.
I guess he is worry about future as work market is going to be tough. My husband is a very traditional man, being the only son he take it as his duty to take care of his parents by himself after his sister tell him upfront she is not going to care about them as she has already married out. My husband will nag at me if I can my kids some new clothes or use slight better products on them in the past. We never celebrate our special day together too after I became a SAHM. We use to fight a lot too until we sit down to talk about it; it turn out that he is worry that he might loses his job due to restructuring in his company. after the talk, my husband will give me a break from housework and cooking by doing it for me as my gift for special days and I do handmade cards or baking in return. Sometimes it does not need to be expensive stuffs to show the love instead he send me love massage every day or turn up with some simple food that I crave for the day before and with that I told him I am celebrating v-day every day. Man got strong ego or pride, he might feel shameful or embarrassed to tell you his worry. My husband is definitely one such person. He can left 10 dollars for the rest of the month for himself but he won't tell you as he think he is a man and head of family he can't ask for money from his wife etc. He end up drink water or eat cup noodle in office. Have a open heart talk to see what stopping him and you might be on a better path to your marriage.Read more
1. It is very obvious that he is tight on money and doesn't know how to express it or he has told you but you didn't take it in. 2. If he is a frugal person before you married him then this is expected. There is no right or wrong but you can hint him that gifts doesn't need to be expensive. 3. May I ask if you have an expectation that man suppose to do this and that? more expectation = more disappointment. Did he expect a gift from you on valentine's day? If he doesn't why should you? enough said. 4. At the end of the day, marriage is a union between both parties. If money is an issue just work it out. Example : If 1 party want to buy an item that is very expensive.. then that party should pay for most of it. 5. learn from Ling Fernandez, she only ask for time.. her husband spend time with her... If she ask for gifts, her husband need to work harder and less time with her.Read more
I think at the end of the day it's how much he's willing to share with you. What he can afford within his means, be it his time or his money. A man who only has $10 but willing to spend all with you vs one who has $100 but only willing to spend $10 on you. So it could be that he's already spending what he can afford within his means on you. I am not sure but I guess u should know best. Whatever it is don't be sad, we should also have our own earning ability and spending power. I always believe whatever we get its more of a show of husband affection and pampering. Of course we can always afford it ourselves so set realistic expectations and you will be contented.Read more
oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that you are upset. maybe hubby is really stressed as he is unable to provide you with the best that you want. men whenever we ask for something they do get stressed out unless they are rich of course. but for the average joes, they do stress out because they want to be able to provide as much as possible to each and every of our request. so I don't ask anything from hubby as long as he is happy and he spends time with me.Read more
Hugs guess you must be disappointed from hubby's point of view in spending money. Unfortunately there are such people who is so protective of their money in obvious ways that hurts the relationship. You have to protect yourself by being less reliant on him financially since he is so reserved. The more he going to lose his job, the more it is important to understand that spouses are supposed to help each other during crisis.Read more
I am the commenter. Why would this be the worst reply. I am replying based on what topic starter has written, saying that all along her hubby does not even splurge on her. If all along he has been nice, of course it's good to be understanding when times are bad financially. But instead he asked her not to spend his money when the wife rarely spends his money the first place. The husband's concerns are valid but not necessary.
If he does other things as a way of showing his love, then i think its still reasonable. Anyway, restaurant doesn't have to be expensive. Can just go for those low priced ones and spend like $50 for 2. Doesn't have to go some atas hotel or what. I also havent been receiving gifts as i rather the money be spent on our boyRead more
I won't ask for dinner Nor flowers on vday cause I feel we are being extorted on that day. But I would expect a better meal on my bday. Since he may be losing his job soon, I think he will be worried abt finances thus being very straightforward to u to ask u not to spend his money? He might not be gd with his words !Read more
I think the topic starter was referring to her own birthday. Yeah agreed Vday is overrated but if celeberated, its a bonus.
He is feeling stressed over his financial situation. He wants to secure more savings now, which is responsible of him. And he thinks of it as a family unit, both u and him, not as individuals. If I were in your shoes, I will cut costs, save up until finances become stable and well again.Read more
My husband even never gave me any bdae gift before. I only hope he is healthy n loyal to me. Thats enuf. For restaurant or any other things, if i can afford, i will treat him instead lol
Some men are like that, they're not expressive or romantic. Why don't you tell him about it, maybe he'll see and try to understand your perspective