Recently, I had a subtle displeasing incident where I was planning to make a trip to my brother's home and his wife did not respond well because she did not want me at their place because their 8 year old son's exams were going on. My husband, my daughter and I were planning to go for just one day, and that too on a weekend. I felt very bad when she did not showed any welcoming attitude which is why I cancelled my programme and my husband went as he had some official work. I felt hurt and I do not feel like talking on regular basis to her like I used to do. I am feeling I should maintain distance as she changed her attitude towards me for just a tiny thing. Do you think I am right?

5 Replies
Write a reply

I know, when such things happen with people whom you consider very close, it does upset you. I think you can take your time to feel better. I can visibly feel through your question that you are hurt right now. So, when we are hurt, there is no need to walk away from the emotions you are feeling. Take your time, and if you do not feel like talking to your SIL for sometime, do not. Probably when you will not talk to her as often as you do, she would realise that she should not have behaved the way she did. If you were close then instead of diplomatically making you cancel your programme, she could have straightaway told you to make your trip later sighting the reason that if you will come now during her kid's exam, she fears that he won't study and will not do good. Anyway, let us forget what has gone by. I suggest, do not over think now. Whenever you are ready to hold a normal heart to heart conversation with her, have it, and then can express that you did not like her behaviour. And if by then, your heart has healed on its own, no need to bring the topic back. People whom we love, sometimes, do not meet our expectations, and it happens with each and everyone.

Read more

tell me something...if you consider your brother and his wife dear and their home as your own family, why do you need her to specially welcome you? in fact, you should yourself have suggested going after the exams were over. even your SIL could see this as disturbance where you have no regard for her son's studies. also, even if you go there, why does she have to specially welcome you all? if it is also your house, you could offer to help her out and rest for a while and not be formal at all. it is these petty thoughts that create so much unnecessary issues in families.

Read more

Certain situations cause visible changes. U can understand Clea why she was annoyed tht u went even her kids exams were on. I'm not blaming you and justifying her. I'm only saying tht don't change your outlook bcoz of 1 episode. Send her flowers and a card explaining in an assertive way tht u realize that she's hurt bcoz of this and tht u didn't mean to barge in during exam time. Saying sorry won't make u small. And u will also get to see how she responds. If she responds well, u hav won her, if not them she has lost u...

Read more

it's just 1 day...that too when her son had to study. come to think of it, you too could have changed your plans instead, isn't it? it's not about taking any side, but i think you are clearly making an issue out of nothing. just because she is your brother's wife, she is not obliged to make you feel comfortable, even when she will otherwise be busy and concerned about her son's study. i think you too would have done the same in her place, trying to make your son revise instead of entertaining guests.

Read more

why are you so upset about this? her son had an exam and you all were visiting and she may have been stressed about it, that's all. let it go, as this is your family and such small incidents should not come in the way of something that is so important. i don;t think that she has changed her attitude towards you at all, it was just one day. and you yourself said 'for such a tiny thing.' then let it go, right? :) and don't think so much.

Read more