Feels like my baby taken away from me

My mil has been helping to take care of my baby since she was born due to i had c sect for delivery. She worried that i am tired and wants me to rest more which I am very grateful. Right now after my confinement i am feeling much better, able to take more responsibility for my baby. But lately i had this feeling that baby is taken away from me. I was half way through the feeding for my baby she ask me to stop and she will carry on from there and when i was cleaning up my baby she will supervise me. Say this wrong and that wrong. But I always joke with her if i ever did anything wrong as i did not want to spoilt the rls with her but inside me i wasnt very happy for being judge. My mil always ask me not to carry my baby so long so as not to spoilt her but she herself also carry her very long. Also i insist no walker for my baby as i read there is quite alot of disadvantages but my mil hear from someone else mention that if baby dont use walker, her leg got no strength and my mil insist of using it at her house even if i say no. And in 2 months time i will be back to work. I brought up the discussion that i still wish baby to be home with me if i wfh. But she insist of bringing my baby back to her house so that not to disturb me. Told me to visit my baby at her house. We stay 2 block away from each other btw (FYI MY FIL IS A HEAVY SMOKER AND DOESNT BOTHER IF THERE IS A BABY NEARBY, I WAS WORRIED MY BABY TAKES IN 2ND HAND SMOKE FROM HIM). Thats also the reason i do not want my mil to bring my baby back to her place. The past few days i feel that i am not my baby's mom. i feel like i cant make decision for my baby. I do not wish to spoilt the rls with my mil but at the same time i dont like the feeling that baby is taken away from me. I did had a talk with my hubby but it has not being brought up to her..he wants me to chill and not overthink first. Am i the only one that overthinks or too sensitive?

Anonymous

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honestly when it comes to in laws or even parents, it’s always such a fine line between being considered “rude” and just voicing out. if you ask me though - priorities should be on your baby and you should be firm on your point. yes it might offend the in laws but it’s something you have to establish that “hey this is my child and yes you raised your son well but let me raise mine my way.” if you don’t establish this ground, you will realise you don’t actually get to raise your child your way. just voice out to your hubby and say hey we both gotta realign our thinking as parents and be firm that the child is raised according to how we want to not our parents way. yes parents will provide insight but ultimately it’s your choice. i hope this provides clarity for you. don’t think of it as you being insensitive, it’s just your priorities isn’t just you or your hubby anymore but your child first. if there is an avid smoker all the more the baby shouldn’t be there. what is more important - your in laws “happiness” or your child’s health? that’s always the question you should have when you are facing such decisions ok?

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Hey there, I don't think you're overthinking or being sensitive. It's understandable that you feel this way. And we all know how husbands prefer to sweep such issues under the carpet because it's awkward to broach it to their parents, leaving the wives stuck with the issue without solution. In any case, the fact your FIL smokes in his house regardless of baby, would be a total deal-breaker for me. You have valid grounds to insist you bring baby to your place, for the baby's health. Inform them of the dangers of an infant inhaling second hand smoke, show them proof and articles if you must. Make them understand. And perhaps consider infant care if you really cannot reach a middle ground with your in-laws.

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Anonymous

4y ago

Welcome! Or how about telling them that during baby's recent check up, the paediatrician advised that baby should not be exposed to smoke? Use expert's opinion on them. It sounds like such a frustrating situation :( I hope it'll get resolved in your way soon, so you'll have one less worry!

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