I'm not in a very good terms with my mom since young age (6yo onwards?) things get slightly better when I grew up (17yo onwards) n start t support myself financially and I think she realise the mistakes she made and hope for a better relationship. She's a very dedicated mom do all housework, cook for everyone, even lend me a few thousands to Pay my ($30k) Uni fees while I need t juggle my wedding n New Bto expenses. Now that I'm preggy, n I quit my job. Only my hub (not earning a lot) is supporting me. We decided not to hire any Confinement lady and ask my mom for help. She's willing to help. She's definitely experienced and know how to cook confinement food. However she stays in the west and I'm staying in north west. I know it's only right to allow her to sleep over thruout the confinement period rather than making her travel Everyday. 1) I'm worried we would clash again if she stay over. We have different views on confinement rules and the way t take care of babies. 2) my hub is not really comfortable having someone else in e house overnight. If you were me, what will u do?

I read your story I find it so similar to me! To answer your qns, 1 luckily she listen to my opinion the dos and don't to my boy. There's no conflict during my period maybe because we are both so tired to quarrel. Or maybe she saw that I was so weak so didn't argue with me for that month. But! Soon after my confinement ends she start her shoutings (like she always would) again that's one thing I dread abt her since young. 2. My hubby fortunately is OK with that after I explained to him the needs to stay over. It also means my hubby will have a good night sleep when my mom is around. Upon hearing this he never question or bring this up again instead some days after the confinement period he initiate to ask my mom over for 'help'so that he could sleep through the night

Hi, I think, do not assume things. When we have pre-conceived notions about something then we in a way lock our thought process and leave no room for change and new things. It has been so many years, and you never know your mom has changed, and you never know that after the baby, and the physical condition you will be in, that is physically drained, you would yourself be a changed person. I think, you can try this arrangement for a couple of weeks, and if all goes well, you can continue with your mother being around, else you would be doing fine by that time to do little tid-bits, and your husband too can lend a helping hand, and you both can pull through. Then you can tell your mother that you will manage.

Hi why don't you ask your mom for her preference first? If she stays over at night is she expected to take care of baby at night too? Sometimes they will want to have a break by being away so maybe she actually won't mind travelling to and fro. Or it could be flexible arrangement , she wanna stay then stay, don't want then go home. She may want to return to her house to check on things or other family members too. I think have a chat with her and husband too. The husband should be more accomodating Coz after all this is your mom who is taking care of you. It is only one month. And frankly clash or not won't depend on staying overnight. It depends on communication and compromising.

Hi, I sense the tension and dilemma. On one hand, u wanted help and save cost but on the other, u are afraid of unexpected events. Honestly, if I am u, if my hub is hands on, I will get him to apply 2 weeks leave to help. Mother can teach him how to cook, clothes can be put in the washing machine. U have to be a little hardworking to care for baby at night and this means compromising your rest. This seems to be a better solution than having your mother over and afraid of clash and hub not comfortable. Alternatively, order confinement food (hub can also eat) and hub can rest. Otherwise, mother only comes in day time and goes back in evening but tiring for elderly.

Maybe you can ask your mother what's her preference and see how it goes. If I were in your shoes, I do think it's better for her to go home in the evening to get a rest so that you and your husband gets to have personal time at night to bond with the baby, particularly if you mum has the tendency wanting to take over the night duties. As public transport could be a hassle to her, provide her with cab, uber ,grab as an appreciation so that she no need to waste time on logistics? Win win situation on husband's preference on privacy and mum's hassle on travelling to and fro. During night time, everyone deserve their own personal time and space.

Ask with your mom on what is her opinion. After all, she will be the one helping you. You need to know if she is willing to stay overnight at your place as some mothers don't like staying overnight elsewhere. If she is unwilling to stay over but she wishes to cook for you yet travelling is an issue, maybe you can call uber for her? There are plenty of promo codes for uber and grab. She will be able to rest during the journey meanwhile. Work things out to prevent miscommunication and tension between the both of you & your husband.

Normally will clash no choice. Why not you order the confinement tingkat and you can ask your hub to go to those course how to handle baby. Nothing much. Since your hub taking 1month so no worries. Just need to boil herbal bath,cook red dates water , bath baby and change diaper too. I will do like this if my hub take 1month leave. Instead of ask your mum come over and stay.

I feel that you should talk to your mom and ask her what her plans are first. From there discuss with your husband. And see how he feels. It's best if mom can come for a few hours and then you do the rest on your own. So she can also rest and it won't seem like you are just using her. Just my two cents.

I would personally just have Mum cook me food from her house in the morning and come over daily to deliver the two meals and stay for lunch and take care of baby for max two hour hours daily. And work with her on the schedule in advance - so that We can avoid conflict later

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