Confinement lady or mom's help?

I'm considering whether there's a need to hire a confinement lady. Basically I want to take the first mth to really learn from someone experienced on taking care of baby and breastfeed etc, and help to cook proper meals as well. I believe my mom is more than willing to be around during the first few months after birth to help out in any way i ask. However my mom's not an experienced cook nor did she tk care of any grandchildren before, so I feel half hearted to have her to cook confinement recipes, do marketing, washing and all while caring for baby all by herself. Nor will she be staying overnight, would be so tiring! (I know there's also an option of ordering tingkats, I'm open to that too!) Was wondering if anyone has hired confinement lady before and at the same time have mom's extra pair of hands to help out at home? Ideally to also learn from confinement lady and 2nd mth onwards mom could help out further! Would love to hear your experiences or suggestions! #advicepls #1stimemom #firstbaby

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Hello! My hub and I got our parents help instead of engaging a CN. Many reasons such as cost savings (but we gave angbaos to our parents which is more than the CN cost), not wanting help for just a month and then subsequently we are on our own, keeping the parents involved while they still can etc etc. My mum helped to take care of the baby for the first 2-3 weeks as she has to go back to work. My in-laws will do the marketing and cook for some of the meals. My hub will cook as well. Basically, the food might not be the best confinement food, but my hub tried to watch some YouTube videos etc so that he could serve the dishes. For breastfeeding, i initially gave up on latching cos it was too painful until I engaged a LC. She told me to give it a try since my nipples had healed by the time she came. (I was pumping exclusively previously, so will engorgement rather easily.) After I started latching my LO for once or twice a day, I’ve not gone back to the LC for more than 4-5 weeks alrdy (I’m 2 months PP) Hope that the above will help u in ur decision making:)

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My wife and I got a CN from PEM. It was a great experience for us actually. The help made the first mth much easier for us. Especially night time we still got to rest as CN will help to look after. My wife had a good time and space for recovery. The CN is also pro BF, so she can sometimes guide and help you as well. She will be able to give advice about care of baby, and also helps us prepare the baby bag when we bring baby out for doc appoint etc. she cooks really well too and would always try to make new dishes. She is quite accommodating to us too! She also respects our boundaries and is not pushing about confinement practises when we share with her our views. She will still inform us about “best practises” and encourage us to consider while not being overly encroaching into our autonomy. We ended up pretty good friends and she also comes back to visit my LO after her confinement work.

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1mo ago

They will have like a sales consultant to share with you what they provide. If you want to choose the nanny, need to pay 200 more I think. And they still dont guarantee it 🥲🥲. So I guess just have to like try your luck in some sense. Depends on what is your needs. Can frame your questions around it? You want to find out about pro breastfeeding tips etc, can ask them how they train their nanny etc. :) their briefing quite comprehensive for me. So I don’t really have much to ask i think. 🤔 cant rmb liao.

If u have the budget for a confinement nanny and can still find one that’s available, I would say yes, do it! Personally, I find it can be tricky with ones own mum or MIL when u want something done a certain way and they get offended. Better to keep that boundary and if they wish to come by and visit and play w the baby or help out as and when, then so be it. Also overnight help is crucial so u can get some rest. Confinement food and herbal drinks / soup are also impt for recovery, tho u are right that u can get Tian Wei for eg. I am a FTM mum 34 half weeks now and even in my second mum I couldn’t find an available freelance confinement nanny so I went with PEM. If u choose the confinement nanny route, don’t delay and get one booked asap even w agencies ❤️

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1mo ago

thanks thanks. totally agree with you, that is what I'm afraid of to. May I ask how was your experience engaging pem, how was the process like? like what qns should I ask or should I share any special requirements or smth so that they can assign someone suitable for me? totally clueless, hope you could share more :)

Im a ftm. My baby just turned 2 months old. I had the worst experience with my CL. How I wish I could turn back time and do it without. But my prob is my mil was not confident enough to do it without hence the nanny. It had created quite a nightmare to all of us. Unless you have good recommendations from your family/friends, if not I'd advise not to engage one. Confinement meals is good enough, as tbh most of the nannies do not really know how to cook. I'd been eating rhe same food everyday. (during my 1 mth of confinement period), I had 2 nannies. why? coz the nanny I engaged had taken up another job after I delivered and got me her friend who's a nanny too to replace her for few days. Ended up with 2 nannies, both do not know how to cook.

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When will you be going back to work? :) I’m a FTM and I would recommend to do without CN, just order confinement meals. Your mum can help out when you’re eating. It’s easier and faster to learn that way, also no issues to adapting after CN leaves. Some mummies had a hard time adapting after CN leaves.. You can join WhatsApp group with your EDD, ask them for advices and learn along the way. I did not engage any CN, only ordered confinement meals. Definitely lack of sleep, not because of baby but due to breastfeeding but since I have already been doing the same thing for a month already, there was not much of an issue after my hub ends his PL.

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2mo ago

I see, thanks for your advice! most likely 4 months of maternity leave.. aside from the confinement meals, i was just wondering if i will know what to do like for breastfeeding all that, like there's zero guidance cos I doubt my mom remembers and times change etc. so for you, you had nobody's help except for yourself and your hub?

For food, you can order confinement foods. For taking care of babies, I mean, she did took care of you (and your siblings if you have any). The general consensus is the same. I also feel bad as I worry for over tiring my mom but she offered and she truly sincerely wanna help. I wouldn't want to take that love and experience from her. My mom not so knowledgeable in breastfeeding and in fact leans more on formula so I learn everything from YouTube videos and breastfeeding groups. With technology nowadays, you literally can learn anything and everything so easily.

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2mo ago

I see. Many thanks for your advice! :)

I suggest ordering confinement food because it will really be tiring for both yourself and your Mum when baby arrives. You may be busy with feeding and pumping breastmilk, and Mum be busy in taking care of baby when you sleep and need do housechores. You can watch videos from YouTube if anything unsure, they are quite educational. Take care and all the best ❤️

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For me I only have my mum’s help and my hub’s. I did not hire a confinement lady so as to save cost and I ordered confinement food (lunch). My mum cooked dinner for me and bathed baby. As my mum is getting older, she don’t take care of baby at night. So my hub and I will take turn to take care at night.

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I ordered confinement meals and did without a confinement lady. Hubby and i took care ourselves as in laws cant help and my mum is not around anymore. My dad is not able to help either. Hubby learnt from watching the videos in hospital though. I have friends who have nanny n also the parents help..