My daughter is 5 months old and my husband has not bonded with her at all. After six years of marriage, he feels like our relationship is gone because of the baby. He tells me he's not ready to be a father, and he seems very depressed. I've told him he needs to get help or I'll leave. What else can I do? Please help.
To be honest you have to take your husband's words seriously even though it can sound disappointing to a new mum as mums are generally finds it easier to bond with their babies compared to their spouse. There are also cases where even some new mums can't enjoy bonding with their baby for unknown reasons and yes, it can be taboo for admitting that. I am sure your husband also do not want to supress his true feelings to you. He might be overwhelmed with his new identity and set of responsibilities and commitment to the family. You have to balance it out by showing him some concern from time to time without showing that baby comes first. Unless its a case of bad marriage or abuse, remember our spouse do come first, give him more time to adjust since your baby is only 5 months old. My husband was only more interactive our son when he talks and walks. He finds that baby stage is "boring" as they can't talk, walk and only wanted to cry and sleep. But I also try my best to cater my attention by breastfeeding my then baby and also continue intimacy with husband which does help the marriage in some way.Read more
seriously.. what is wrong with people now a days.. Threatening divorce so easily -.- What do you meant by he has not bond with your daughter? Has he utilize his paternity leave to take care of your daughter yet?Read more
Try to make efforts on how to help the father and daugther bond together instead of giving up. I think it is also due to he is feeling being neglected by the wife after the baby is here. Try to spend some personal time with your husband instead of fully focusing on baby.Read more
Agree with the mummies above. Why are you considering leaving? It's not like he is ignoring you & the baby nor is he having an affair. As a wife, I feel that you should be supporting him rather than threathening him since you said he looks depressed. If he says that he has bonded with your daughter, get him involve with your daughter more frequently during each activity that you do such as bathing, feeding and play time. Or, you could follow the concept of the Korean Reality TV show "Return of the Superman". Leave your daughter with your husband and you go out to relax. It will help the bonding, and Lee Hwi Jae even admitted that it was only after he was alone with his twins did he actually bonded with his sons.Read more
Leaving is never the solution to any problem. What if one day it was your daughter with the problem, would you choose to leave too? You need to learn how to handle setbacks as a family and learn to stick together although it can be hard. Sit down for a talk first. There must be a reason why he is feeling this way. Have you been neglecting him? Maybe it's time to allocate a day just to be with him and let someone else take care of the baby instead. When a baby comes along it's very easy to dedicate all of your time to her.Read more
Ma'am I think you have to be calm at this moment. Leaving your husband is not a solution....where u know that he is depressed. You need to deal with this situation in a very smart way...many a times male are not mature enough to understand and adjust the atmosphere which comes with baby....a little mess in the bedroom, lack of quality time which u used to share makes them unhappy and confused.Here you should make him feel normal...try to talk to him about your experiences wid your baby....Take care of his daily chores as before....etc....these things can make him feel secure and help him to bond with you and your baby.Also u can take help of a counsellor.Read more
Please don't threaten him that way. I can totally relate to him. I am a father of a 2 month old baby and I'm suffering from depression too. The relationship with the mother is strained and the romance has faded. I'm battling myself each day trying to be a good dad and a loving husband and it's all I can do to tick off the boxes of what's required of me. Friends told me that I will be a loving dad when I hold the newborn in my arms. That did not happen. I checked with some other fathers too. Many of them whose kids are 3 or 4 year old now. Truth of the matter is, and I'm glad that they were honest, men don't bond with baby as easily as mothers do. Some don't even like carrying their own children. It's not till the child turn one or two that they start to interact with them. Lots of time, we men don't have an avenue to speak up on this topic because of society's expectation of us. So we suffer in silence. Your husband isn't the only one but I can only hope that he hangs in there to try. I was honest about my feelings to my wife and while I know she's disappointed, I'm glad she hasn't added more ill sentiments by fighting me. On my part I will keep trying to do what's right and expected of me and in time feel the joy of parenthood. Though admittedly, that feeling may never come. Most men aren't honest with their wives cos they don't want to disappoint them, but amongst guys only feedback session, these truths surfaces. I hope all will go well with you and your husband. If he needs someone to talk to, can always contact me.Read more
Communication is very important speak to him don't give up your relationship easily. Maybe you put to much attention on baby? Try to have couple life like before. Bring baby to your own mom to look after once a week, you and him have personal space.Read more
You can meet a psychologist if talks and discussions between your husband and you haven't helped him. I guess, we always know and discuss postpartum depression in women, but hardly think that men (though they don't deliver physically) can also suffer from it. I think, your husband is feeling quite burdened mentally with the birth of the child thinking that he has now got a huge responsibility to fill as a father. Probably, when you concieved, and carried the baby, he did not feel that because he couldn't see the baby. He did not know but may be was not ready for this new role. I suggest, you should see a counsellor or a psychologist who can ease out his fears, and show him the brighter side. I know it must be tough for you to see your husband attitude and not feeling any attachment for the baby but I think all you need is give him little time.Read more
- Hi After so many years of our marriage we do not have understanding for each other,we fight on small issues,now a day's he so depressed for certain reasons so he get frustrated and I also feels the same so we start fighting in front of our kids,i know this is not good but situations r like this,sometimes I feel I should leave him but than I think about my kids,I m so upset. he lives in his world I lives in my world how come we make our relationship good
I face similar issues as you. It has been so overwhelming for me lately. Im tired. After having kids, both parents can get worn out. It is indeed challenging having to manage so much at once. However, try to. Take a break. You and hubby are the pillars for the household. We need both, and cant have either one only. Please consider and weigh your pros and cons.Anonymous
- Ever since baby was born, I was so busy and tired taking care of baby. Husband is around to help, however I still feels that I am doing alot. I had to bath her because daddy dare not bath her. When I change her diapers, he feels that it's not necessary because diaper is not full yet. Baby doesn't like husband to carry her at times, especially when she is cranky. When he carrys her, he won't help with other chores. When my milk supply dropped, he kept asking me to pump more, feed more hoping my supply will increase. I am so tired. I had to ask him to help with housework or else he will sit there and do nothing. Husband & I stop having sex when we found out that I was pregnant. We wanted baby to be safe. Baby is 5months old now & I don't feel like being intimate with him. Is this normal? At times I wonder if I still love him.
Sorry to say many men have the mentality to be served and take thing for granted. They forgotten they are part of the family and if they say they are tire then aren't their wife not tire? If they say don't know how to do the household chores then can't they learn. Tell him to share your load or simply assign to him. Take care.Anonymous
- I always feel like my husband is my another kid and has yet to grow up ready to be a father. He should have know and ready that having a baby means your time will no longer be yours and attention will always be on the baby. But he still behaves like he is the baby. When the baby cries he don’t bother, ask him to make milk while I pacify the crying baby he will say “huh.....” and he is not even in middle of anything but using his phone, then when I show him a black face? He will reluctantly go make and “dump” the milk bottle infront of me. What the heck I’m damn piss and done with him already. Why can’t he just grow out of his stupid childish self and ready to be our baby’s father. The only time he takes initiative is when we go out to meet my family or friends, just to show them that he is actually a proactive father but nobody knows at home he is just clueless AF and heck care everything.
Sorry to say that he is fake as he is totally a different person when he was in front of other people. I think you have to tell him your expectations and sharing of responsibility as situation may be worse when your child goes to kindergarten or primary school. Hope he will be more involvement and knows that he is not just a sperm donor. Sorry for being blunt.Anonymous