mother in law

I am really really sick of having to be fighting for my feelings when it comes to my own pregnancy. My first pregnancy and I'm not married however me and my partner stayimg together. My partner's mother is always seeking for attention and creating such problems that her son is not talking to her or visiting her that often and causing me and my partner to have so much of arguments because she sometimes blames me for taking her only son away from her. Now that I'm pregnant she wants to follow for my appointments and I really just need my partner there and ended up in an argument with my partner where he said I am ungrateful for not letting is mother follow. Seriously I am so furious and upset that he puts his mother feelings over mine when it comes to my pregnancy. I am the type of person who does not go out or have any close friends and have no one else to talk to. I just feel so sick sometimes and depressed.

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Super Mum

Hi dear, thank you for sharing. Having a mother-in-law like that is really not easy. To me, these appointments are also very personal and private, and I also wouldn’t want my MIL there 😅. The reality is, though, that your partner and his mother have such a relationship where he gives her all the attention she wants, and he regards her feelings very highly. That in itself is not wrong, because being filial is a good quality after all. But he will need to realise that he has a new role now... your partner and future father to your baby. With this new family unit that both of you are creating together, you’ll both need to consider each other’s feelings, and give and take within the relationship in order to make it work. He would want to feel that you respect his mum and her excitement/longing to be involved, and you would want him to keep some things private and exclusive between the 2 of you. Your feelings need to be shared between each other. And certain compromises can be made.. like you agreeing to personally send the ultrasound pictures to his mum after the appointment so she knows how baby is progressing, while he keeps the physical appointments to only the 2 of you going. That’s just an example for you to consider:) I’ll be honest.. if there are conflicts already during the pregnancy, it’s going to be even more challenging when baby’s out. There’s going to be different opinions as to how to do confinement, how to take care of baby, etc... and more comments about being ungrateful/not respecting elders’ opinions may be thrown around. But remember this.. you’re this baby’s mummy, and you’re going to be an awesome mummy to your little one! When the elders say something (esp your MIL), listen to them when they speak, then in your head, filter out what is unhelpful and retain what really helps you and baby... so you don’t get frustrated or depressed, but you’re still seen as respecting the elders (even your family’s side). Parenting is a partnership. It’s not easy, and there will be many things to work out along the way. My husband is absolutely amazing, and yet we still had an argument this morning. But working together with any other person is like that. You’ll have disagreements, especially when he wants you to follow his mum’s wishes. Just take each battle one at a time.. win some, lose some. You’ll actually be a lot happier and less stressed that way, knowing that you won’t always have your way. And keep looking at your little one, because to your baby, you will always be the queen in his/her eyes 😍 Congrats on your pregnancy by the way! And I hope your relationship with your partner and mother in law will become stronger, because there’s actually a lot to cherish about our parents and in laws:)

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Sorry to hear your situation. Perhaps let her follow you at every alternate appointment. If she insists, just close eyes let her follow. Take it as there is a bodyguard with you. I'm more concern why you are not legally married. Reason being both your child and you may not inherit any estate or CPF monies unless your partner has will his estate to you and your child; and nominated his CPF monies to you and your child. Please note even he has made will and nomination, he still can change it. If there is no will and nomination, his parents will inherit. Hence, you and your child may not be financially protected. I'm not cursing your partner but just in case. Please handle this carefully. In addition, let your partner know in advance his mother should not override your decision on the baby. Of course, if is not overboard, sometimes you just give in a bit. Stay happy and enjoy your pregnancy. Don't over think. 💪

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Quite frustrating. My mil don't like me. My husband is the only son too. We did stay together for a Yr then I move back to my mum place till I got my own home. Maybe u can don't stay together is the best or appt you can let her go but alternate. Let your partner understand. At least you didn't completed stop his mum from coming. My 13yrs of marriage nv have a talk or good terms with my mil. You need to think and plan probably. Sometime have to take 1 step back sometime no. Then your partner will not be saying those unpleasant word to u. No point head to head with him. Talk wisely.

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But how to follow? Only one accompanying adult to appointments what.. 🤦🏻‍♀️.. have a talk with your partner when the time comes so that you are both on neutral grounds, (both not angry or agitated) maybe it helps him to understand you better.. its best to be honest about how you feel. I dont think you hate his mum or anything. Make if clear that you are just annoyed and this is all unnecessary for your mental well being. TO AVOID STRESS 😂

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VIP Member

I will never let my mil follow me to my gynae visits, would rather go alone if i have to. But usually my husband was with me. Not really about being ungrateful, but i do not feel at ease when an outsider (other than doctor &nurse) watches while the gynae exposes ny lower belly for the scans etc. To me it's my personal space, the baby is inside me and i shall get to decide who is present.

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VIP Member

I’m so sorry of what happened to you. Some mothers are naturally like that. My mother is also jealous sometimes if I seem to show more affection towards my hubby than her. Afterall they brought us/ our partners up. And they feel like they will be losing him. So I guess after your baby comes out, your MIL will slowly gets better.

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VIP Member

I would love to enjoy this precious moments with my husband only. 😂. But now it’s easier for you to tell your MIL due to covid only 1 person can company you.

VIP Member

Take care. Maybe can tell your partner that due to covid, better for old ppl to stay home and not tagged along to appointments?

Go your appointment alone. To prevent more stress, why not call babes hotline?