My mother doesnt really like my husband because my husband is quiet and doesnt really talk to her. My husband is also poor while most of her friends' son-in-laws are doing business or having a high pay salary. She always mentioned "your husband" despite of calling his name. I dont know what should I do. Sigh. I even asked her just now, if she doesnt like him. But she said she was just saying. To my mum, husband should be the one providing everything to me even all of his salary. But to my husband, he will just give the portion of the necessities to me, he wont give it all. I might bad but sometimes I felt my mum abit "looking at $" type. Even though I am not working and my husband is the one providing us, I am still giving her monthly expenses using my own savings (my dad not ard anymore) I just need to share as this has been in my heart for so long and I cant even share to anyone in my family (probably to my baby only).
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I think that it is normal that being human we will compare and we will have favourites because it is just very normal. I think that money is a very sensitive issue. If your mother does not know this man enough, she can only judge or measure him based on his job and salary. Because everybody's upbringing and life circumstances are different, the way they handle money, the willingness to share / let go of the absolute autonomy of the money is going to be very different. It does not mean the person is good or bad or anything, its just how comfortable they are with the authority over their money thus they will expect others to be the same as them. Maybe in the relationship with your Father, your mother had the more say of the money so she expects others to be the same but like i said, money attitudes are formed form the young days and moulded by experience. I don't think your husband don't love you enough or anything like that just because he does not give u all of his salary because like i mentioned, everybody's comfort level of sharing the autonomy is different and should be respected. I think the best thing that you can do for your situation is to encourage more talking between your mother and your husband. Create more gatherings so that there is increase time and chance for communication, increase chance for your mother to know the man from his actions and words. Just keep creating ample opportunity and let the communication and the relationship slowly slowly built. it will take time but just go on it slow - to know someone - especially since your husband is the more quiet typeRead more
Well, it doesnt help. So I dunno what I can do anymore. My husband type is not aggressive in terms on helping. Like my mum carrying alot of stuffs, he wont initiate to help unless I ask him to. Most of the times, I would have to remind my husband to greet my mum too. I sometimes will doubt how my parents in law taught my husband as he really kinda lazy type. He wont do things without we asking. My mum is the type to do all things without being ask to do. I am quite headache too.
Does your husband care for you, take care of you, take care of the family and your kids? Does your husband stay faithful to you? If yes, what more do you expect from this man? For your mum, maybe she feels your husband should be someone whom is rich to meet her "expectations of a ideal son in law". But, at the end of the day, for the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years or more ahead, who is going to live with your husband? Is it You Or your mother? Money is a very sensitive thing, nobody can say their money is enough or too much, anyone? Is your mother working? Does she have income? Maybe you can negotiate the household allowance to lesser? Or you find a part time job? What are the reason stopping you from working? Children? Family matters? Etc.... Put yourself in your Husband shoes. If you were him and your mother in law is like that and your MIL expects you to give her Monthly household allowance, how would you feel, how would you do, and what are your hopes for a better relationship with your Mother in law? If I were in your shoes, I would defend my husband IF he took care of me, take care of the family and stay faithful to me. What is more important than a healthy and blissful marriage?Read more
We are facing similar problem, but for my case, is that my mil hates me because I'm quiet and unlike my hb's female cousins who will chitchat, massage my mil. I'm one who loves to stay inside the room. I think the most important thing now to do is to show ur hb that u still love him a lot and you disagree with your mum.you will stand by him no matter what your mum says/feel For your mum side just listen and forget about it. It is your own life, you know that your hb is treating you well. That's more than enoughRead more
My hubby has a bad temper too. Got thing is that they only meet once every 2 weeks. I cant imagine if they are living under the roof together.
You are a great wife! Your husband is fortunate to have you. My only advise is maintain the status quo.. Don't take actions that might make the situation worst. Oh yes you shouldn't be spending regularly out of your saving.. Maybe can consider renegotiating your mother allowance or get a new job.Read more
My husband always says that I'll be a bad mom and mother in law to a certain extend maybe your mom feels that you deserve better? Afterall as moms don't we all want the best and only the best for our kids.
Sorry to hear that. Just keep in mind, the most important thing is your immediate family unit and a nurturing household for your child.
sharing from someone who been though it - your mother is toxic