Hi dear, thank you for sharing. Having a mother-in-law like that is really not easy. To me, these appointments are also very personal and private, and I also wouldn’t want my MIL there 😅. The reality is, though, that your partner and his mother have such a relationship where he gives her all the attention she wants, and he regards her feelings very highly. That in itself is not wrong, because being filial is a good quality after all. But he will need to realise that he has a new role now... your partner and future father to your baby. With this new family unit that both of you are creating together, you’ll both need to consider each other’s feelings, and give and take within the relationship in order to make it work.
He would want to feel that you respect his mum and her excitement/longing to be involved, and you would want him to keep some things private and exclusive between the 2 of you. Your feelings need to be shared between each other. And certain compromises can be made.. like you agreeing to personally send the ultrasound pictures to his mum after the appointment so she knows how baby is progressing, while he keeps the physical appointments to only the 2 of you going. That’s just an example for you to consider:)
I’ll be honest.. if there are conflicts already during the pregnancy, it’s going to be even more challenging when baby’s out. There’s going to be different opinions as to how to do confinement, how to take care of baby, etc... and more comments about being ungrateful/not respecting elders’ opinions may be thrown around. But remember this.. you’re this baby’s mummy, and you’re going to be an awesome mummy to your little one! When the elders say something (esp your MIL), listen to them when they speak, then in your head, filter out what is unhelpful and retain what really helps you and baby... so you don’t get frustrated or depressed, but you’re still seen as respecting the elders (even your family’s side). Parenting is a partnership. It’s not easy, and there will be many things to work out along the way. My husband is absolutely amazing, and yet we still had an argument this morning. But working together with any other person is like that. You’ll have disagreements, especially when he wants you to follow his mum’s wishes. Just take each battle one at a time.. win some, lose some. You’ll actually be a lot happier and less stressed that way, knowing that you won’t always have your way. And keep looking at your little one, because to your baby, you will always be the queen in his/her eyes 😍
Congrats on your pregnancy by the way! And I hope your relationship with your partner and mother in law will become stronger, because there’s actually a lot to cherish about our parents and in laws:)
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