I have a 21mths old toddler and a 6mths old baby. My Husband works 5.5days a week and he attends private school on Sundays. He is always tired. He dozes off almost every night after dinner in front of the TV. He sleeps through the night even when baby cries loudly in the middle of the night. He has little time for both kids. And whenever I told him that he should spend some time with the kids his reply is most of the time 'I'm tired'/ 'you are not working, wait till u go back to work, u will know how tired it is to work'. My reply to him is 'don't you have any Father instinct that you come back home and play with your kids for awhile?'/ 'Don't you have Father instinct to wake up to your baby's cries?' We have not have sex since I got pregnant with number 2... he is afraid to have a 3rd child. He says stop at 2. I told him we can still have sex and take precaution. But he say he needs time... Am I very harsh to him?

It is inevitable that you will be frustrated and be harsh at time. It is very human being to be like this as we are tired moms too who needs to be doted and loved at the same time. I can see your husband is very tired out too but it isn't vey nice of him to say you don't work so you don't know how tough. A Sahm work is just as tiring and in face never ending whereas the men get to sleep on their off days. You should tell him firmly he needs to be more sensitive and allocate a fixed a lot for family bonding and help out in simple tasks like fold the clothes in front of the tv? I think both parties need to make en effort. It is never easy for parents in the first few years. If he makes some effort let's try to appreciate them and if sometimes we are too harsh we need to tell our husband after that what we act like this and that we still love them. Good luck!

I don’t think you’re being harsh, I mean, father participation is definitely important. Could it be that the new environment makes it a little tough to get used to and to be intimate? Maybe you can get a family member to babysit the kids for a weekend while you and hubby take a short getaway, to rekindle and get back in the mood. ;) You can use the relaxed atmosphere to have a discussion on whether there is anything bothering him that you can help with. Tell him how you feel and offer suggestions on how he can spend more time with the kids? Like plan fun family playtime/ activities together at an indoor playground or set aside dates (outings) with other families etc

Both of you are simply way too exhausted with your roles. Nevertheless, maybe you can try a softer approach with your husband in telling him that it is important for him to spend some time with baby. Even if it's just putting them to sleep. I would not use the word don't you have father instincts. Men are different from women. He maybe totally exhausted. I feel that the both of you should take a step back. When everyone is tired and worn out, there won't be mood. So even with sex my husband has asked me countless times. But I truly understand now what it feels like to be tired.

I think if he can't help at all since he is so tired, maybe u can consider sending yr elder to a CC so that u get a break, or hire some part time cleaner to ease yr load. my hub also don wake up to baby cries. I think men can hear but they assume we will attend to the babies ourselves. what to do. as for sex might be gd to avoid /take precaution so that there will be no no3 since its already very tough with 2 kids and a hub who can't help

Your husband is tired but he is working hard to earn for the family. Yes he shld have some father participation. I'm sure he also doesn't want to feel tired and moody while playing with the kids. Secondly, sex wise. have u though of going into birth control. can see he is responsible as he doesn't want a third child to add on the heavy burden. it's not an easy journey raising kids.

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