Negative responses when revealing gender

Honestly quite disappointed by some elders' immediate responses when we told them we are expecting a girl (first child). So my question is: Anyone faced similar comments? Pls share! **Most replies here are advocating 'just ignore', 'don't be bothered'. šŸ˜‚ Haha, but my question is NOT 'Should I ignore them?' Of course I smiled and ignored them out of courtesy! But still bothered, and wondering if any mummy is in the same boat, to feel less alone and less frustrated in this pretty uncommon situation! And yes of cos hub & I will love our girl all the same.** Instead of congratulatory words, these were their responses. FIL went "Oh, äøč¦ē“§ la (never mind)." Uh, what is there even to mind in the very first place? He's never talked about the pregnancy since then, no small talk, no concern. Nothing. SIL went, "Oh, what did Father say about you having a girl?" the very moment we told her we are having a girl. I guess we all knew FIL would rather have a grandson for his first grandchild. Aunt went, "Oh...next one can have a boy." Wow. As if we didn't do a good job this time but oh we can try to excel next time. Huh(?!)

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Totally understand how you feel. My in-laws wanted a boy and explicitly telling me boy is better. Doesnā€™t help that my husband also wanted a boy. Iā€™m the only one that wanted a girl. And I knew they will be disappointed if itā€™s a girl hence we didnā€™t do any gender reveal party. It also didnā€™t help that the gynae told us it was likely a boy at week 13 but became a girl at week 16.. Also didnā€™t help that my husband is the only child (I feel the pressure of giving them a grandson to carry on family line) and that he is a very nice son towards them hence my in-laws wonā€™t feel girl is better than a boy. My mil tried to ā€œconsoleā€ me by saying girl is better for the first one because sister can take care of younger brother better (meaning she still want and expect a grandson next). My own mother also said nevermind 2022 try for a boy. My husband said he will still want to have a son in the future. When we knew baby is a girl, I spent a few days being so upset and crying about it because I feel I let my in-laws and husband down, and then being guilty towards my baby for being sad sheā€™s a girl. But I kept telling myself most importantly she is healthy and I really have no control over gender, soon I got over it. My in-laws and husband have accepted the fact itā€™s a girl and my in-laws are still nice to me so I guess I donā€™t get it that bad as others in the comment. I am now a few days away from my EDD and will be seeing her soon :) I hope you feel better and have a safe pregnancy!

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4y ago

hi I'm the original poster! your baby girl must have arrived by now, congrats! in my case, I guess my FIL never got over it. he's been completely cold. you know how everyone receives tonics, birds nest etc from in laws esp when expecting the first grandchild? I'm now in the third tri but nope, absolutely nothing. my and my belly are treated as invisible. he wouldn't even talk to me, ask about me, ask about the pregnancy. hahaha I seriously feel like I'm in china in the olden days, getting outcasted by in law for having a girl as the first grandchild. (of cos I still love my bb girl very very very much, nothing against her gender, just against the not so subtle discrimination I'm facing)

Me too! I purposely asked for a gender reveal party within our immediate family and not to my surprise that both my mother and MIL wanted a boy (first grandchild for my MIL). Tbh I donā€™t even need to see their expressions because the moment when they guess Iā€™m having a boy, I can expect how disappointed they are. Which is why I hv been feeling emotional when I get to know Iā€™m expecting a girl which Idk how to even tell hubby that I know both mothers would expecting a grandson.. But idc anymore, I told myself my girl is definitely my most sweetest sweetheart and sheā€™s my baby.. Not for theirs (yes I know is their granddaughter).. šŸ˜Š #Girlspower šŸ’ŖšŸ»

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4y ago

Nope, nothing from my MIL about tonics at all till today.. My mum did before she knows Iā€™m preg w girl.. Fact of life, I can only depend on myself and hubby now..

Super Mum

I think itā€™s sad that gender bias still exists. But you know what? Youā€™re going to have a beautiful little girl, and sheā€™s going to be your precious baby forever. Thatā€™s what matters! Whether she gets the approval of grandpa or not, what matters most is mummyā€™s and daddyā€™s love for her. So please ignore the negative comments. And you know what? I wouldnā€™t be surprised if one day, your FIL becomes the most doting grandparent to your daughter too, because heā€™s going to see that sheā€™s one of the best things thatā€™s happened to the family! I have 2 little girls, and my FIL loves them to bits :)

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4y ago

congratulations on having a baby girl! look forward and don't look back anymore, enjoy picking up girly stuff, live your life for yourself. I also have my stories abt my family, my MIL has ignored my pregnancy totally because she didn't like her son marrying off. everyone has their issues and disorders. I hope u can heal with support of your spouse and move on happily. sending u good vibes and peace

VIP Member

I have two sons. when my aunt knew I got second son, she sarcastically asked me "I thought you wanted a daughter šŸ¤£" I replied "just assume I have a twin and my elder son has a bro to play" she "šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£". During my confinement, many people of my surrouding will tell me "daughter is daddy's past life lover, son is here to collect debt". (I have all sons, this means my hubby was a monk in his past life? lol). We can't stop people mouth from making sins. *When I first learn my son might have autism, the only thing I want is for him to be healthy. Nothing beats that. Thanks god he is fine šŸ˜‡

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Iā€™m in the same situation as you, except is from mil. I get my husband to talk to his mum whenever she pass those remarks . So even after birth, she sometime still do/say weird things , but my husband will always go and tell his mum. So after a few time, she stop already. Well, what most important is you & ur hubby dote on ur child. Those grandparents or relatives are secondary . I know itā€™s hard, but sometime after after the child is born, things change! And even if it doesnā€™t, who cares? As long as u & ur hubby love ur girl unconditionally . *hugs*

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4y ago

Agree with this. We shouldnā€™t have to feel like itā€™s not okay to express our emotions. Much less have our thoughts tossed aside.

Every birth on earth should be celebrated, because it wasnā€™t easy being pregnant to begin with, and not to mention the process of labour. Why be bothered by these ignorant folks when the baby is the fruit of love by you and your husband. Enjoy every moment of pregnancy, when you have your girl in your arms, pretty sure all these will flew off the window as you will be so smitten by your girl. Keep yourself happy so that your girl will be happy in your tummy. Congrats mummy for having a girl, because a girl is always close to their parents heart.

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Hang in there dear, I know how it feels. Letā€™s take it positively that they are just our elders :) For me, I have 3 boys. When the 3rd was born, my mil did not talk to my husb and I for a week. She was so disappointed that it was a boy again. Of course, we both felt so upset but on a brighter note, we chose to ignore (coz God is great, we can only plan but He decides whatā€™s best for us). When she finally come back to her senses, we talked to her again. The phase will go away as days goes by. Jiayou mummy! We can do this! :)

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Same plight as u. When my own mother was telling me ā€œoh, never mind la girl or boy is the same!ā€ In the first place i didn even mind that i am expecting a baby girl. More like my own parents who mind on the gender just that they didn voice it out. And commented to have a second child soon to have a baby boy when i am still expecting my first child. I know it is damn annoying to receive such comments but end of the day we just have to learn to ignore senseless feedback from the elders.

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VIP Member

When I was pregnant with my #1. My in laws did not even congratulate me, told Mil I am expecting a girl since she asked, she told me ITS OK BOY OR GIRL DOESNT MATTER ITS THE SAME. Now pregnant with #2, told her itā€™s a boy. She said ā€œYOU MUST BE VERY HAPPY! CONGRATULATIONS, ANYWAY, CONFIRM WONT CHANGE GENDER RIGHT?ā€ This is what it is. They just love to assume and give remarks. I was very affected at first but I chose to ignore it for my own sanity lol

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I feel you! Even at my work place those cleaners will say ā€œnvm, girl also goodā€ but in the first place, I didnā€™t even say girl is not good and I didnā€™t ask for their opinion.. things became worst after I gave birth because my father in law didnā€™t even come and visit baby. Throughout my pregnancy, they didnā€™t even ask about me. Itā€™s okay, next time donā€™t let them see baby. Thatā€™s what I am going to do since they prefer boy..

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4y ago

ā¬†ļøYeah totally agree!