First preg. No mum, no MIL. Daunting 😨
Among our circles, we seem to be the only couple with no mums. It feels daunting that we're going through our first pregnancy, the confinement after, and the taking care of our first child by ourselves without a mum and MIL. (*Father and FIL are old, and aren't familiar with taking care of babies, and aren't concerned or interested about our pregnancy haha). We are all on our own. Just curious, anyone in this same rare situation? How did you manage? Do you stop at 1 child because of the lack of help? Pls share! I get scared and nervous just thinking about it. And very envious of the many other couples out there who have help from their mum and MIL. (We stay in our own place, have no intention of engaging helper/confinement nanny) #1stimemom #advicepls
My hubby and I are on our own too. We attended pre natal course to equip ourselves with basic knowledge, we will cater confinement food and we reduce house work using robots. No helper, no nanny. We try to utilise what technology can help us with. We will rely on our partnership to try to manage what is to come. He will shower the baby, I will breastfeed the baby. Newborn mostly sleep, so I will changes its diaper before/after every feed. Sterilise work hubby will help.... and so on... Don’t panic, it is a good opportunity to build strong bonding with husband, getting him involve in this journey is really beautiful. List the thing that need to be done, it is not as bad as we think, be positive and all will be great😁 Be positive,Read more
Wow you and your husband are amazing! Thank you for sharing that it can be done, and for the encouragement! ♡ Do you feel this situation (no help) may hold you back from having a second child though?
Both our mums are around , but none show concerns . My parents even live with us, but are the bo chup type. We engage confinement nanny and my husband is very hands on . Our child now is in Ifc, we do not have helper so we do everything ourselves. We are planning for no 2. But maybe we need a helper (not to take care of baby, but to do chores so we can spend more time with our child. Honestly, I think husband are more important than parents. I envy my friends that they have nice mum /mil, but I am even more proud that my hubby is super hands on. Don’t let this stop you from expanding your family . There are many alternative around. Jiayou!Read more
I’m in a similar situation. No help at all during pregnancy, confinement (we didn’t get confinement nanny. Just my hubby and I doing everything on our own, and still have to entertain in-laws who just want to play with the baby). We are also planning for another child and are considering to get a helper to take care of the household chores so that we can focus on our kids. We still prefer to take care of our kids on our own. It might not be a bad thing not to receive help from family / relatives. Sometimes it can get very frustrating and tiring when they do things that they feel is right and it’s worse when you feel that your kids ended up learning the ‘wrong’ things and you have to spend the time to teach your kid the right way. On top of that, you wouldn’t want to strain the relationship or burn bridges..
Even though both my parents and PIL are around but to be honest i can’t even depend on them at all as they don’t seems to be bother especially my PIL. I see and hear from my girl friends how nice they MIL make tonic soup and so much but for me nothing at all. Only called us when needed something even when I’m suffering from bad nausea we still have to drive them around for hours. I can’t do anything as my husband are quite protective to his family. The only thing I can do is cry under the blanket. We always ended up quarrelling whenever we talk about it. So it doesn’t mean with parents and PIL around are good, babe. Be strong together, we can do it!Read more
Omg babe, your second line is exactly what I am going through! Also no such treatment unlike all my girlfriends! I even had to attend their family dinner on my birthday when I was pregnant, and some of the food the FIL prepared were things pregnant women shouldn't eat. And he never once talk about the pregnancy or asked about me. Felt so awful about the situation but also couldn't do anything. :( Thanks for your reply, it comforts me to know there's someone else in the same shoes. ♡ Just wondering, given this situation, do you feel like you're not very keen to have more kids?
Me n my hubby didn't get any help from the in laws..my parents are overseas..n hubby's parents both passed away long ago ...but we can still manage to care for our firstborn son.. it all takes teamwork with hubby..as for confinement..i really didn't take it seriously and i only had some simple massage ..i just rested n eventually recovered n healthy ..though there are some support from hubby's sisters n bro sometimes .. now im pregnant again..i dont think such issues can stop me from having another baby ..just stay strong ..you can do this! No harm to Be independent ! if u can afford nanny..then is also good thing :) goodluck mummy!Read more
well.. same here. no parent or inlaws to help. I only have myself to nurture my child. However, during my confinement , a confinement lady gave me alot of tips and advice to help me along the way. Have this motto mummy, "Live your day one day at a time." it will keep u sane and stress free abit. If ur baby cry today, tomorrow he/she wont. If he/she wont eat much today, tomorrow he/she will be more better. Have those thoughts in your mind to keep u away from worries. If hubby can help take care, u can take a rest. Now my child is already 3yrs old and planning for a second soon. Remember to take multi vitamins coz u will need it.Read more
Thank you for your kind sharing and encouragement ♡ You've done an amazing job! I hope I can somehow ace it too.
🙋🏻♀️ just hubby and I are in SG. Family are elsewhere. No helper, and we both work full time. Need both of you to be fully involved and on the same page. Some things around the house have to close one eye or hire part time help. Catered meals or tapau. Confinement nanny helped a lot at night so we both could hv good sleep. Sometimes it’s easy to say it’s manageable but I think depends also on the baby’s character. I am blessed with an easy going baby.Read more
Both my parents passed on. While my husband’s parents were those “dont care kind”. I gave birth caesarian and do everything on my own the next day i was discharged (showering baby..etc) but of cos with the help of my husband. There were times that i do have breakdown cos i find theres sooo many things to do but i guess having a supportive husband helps alot. So im very sure if i can, you can too! My baby is now 6months.Read more
Thank you so much for sharing and for the encouragement! You're an amazing mum♡ Your in-laws are the "don't care kind" during pregnancy, just like my FIL. But can I ask, did they suddenly show up once baby was born? At the hospital and during confinement? My FIL has shown absolutely no concern during my pregnancy even tho he had been demanding for a grandchild. I dread the thought of him suddenly showing up after my delivery and disturb during my confinement, not to ask after me, but solely for the sake of seeing the grandchild he has asked for. 🙄
Same here that i would have nobody to help. I have never carried or play with newborn at all. Feeling lost. My mum is no longer around, dad is old n not so good with his hands n legs. In laws i doubt they have much experience since my hb stayed with his grandmother in the past. And we are not planning to get a confinement nanny (we r not used to having a stranger in the house n staying over) Not sure how we are going to survive 😂Read more
Ah same, I also have prob - low placenta. This prob brings alot of inconveniences - Can't exercise, can't walk too long, can't buy maternity insurance, lower chance of natural delivery etc etc 😪
I'm glad that both parents and IL not staying in the same country having them may be headache, I prefer to handle everything by myself, no nanny, no helper all by myself and hubby. my LO turning 2 and my baby girl coming this July, I don't see any issue handling them you will and you can handle it when it comes, don't worry. stay strong and happy!Read more
My mum can't help us as she have no strength in her legs and need walking aid. My MIL is old age (77 yrs old) and have no experience in taking care newborn (as her children were all taken care by her MIL). But she is sweet though, she offer to pay for us to hire a confinement lady.
Wow! You're lucky to have a sweet MIL like that! 👍