Rant -MIL

Recently my 3weeks baby got admitted due to vomiting of milk & constipation for 5days. MIL blame me for eating rubbish, saying that my confinement meals have 'fried' items, its unhealthy. I shouldn't breast feed baby. It's because of what I eat that causes baby to be constipated. I was so upset. I run away from home back to my mother's place. During my first week of confinement, before my milk supply came in, she say that I got no supply unlike her younger days, she got so much milk. She cook confinement meals for me (first week) but I don't like her cooking , she not happy. Is it wrong for me to run away from home?

12 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

As a new mum, you feel unnecessarily stressed when EVERYONE around you offers unsolicited tidbits about how they experienced this and that when you didn’t. Nobody ever shared that breastfeeding is tough and everybody has a different experience and different supplies! A balanced & nutritious meal coupled with plenty of rest, supplements that boost breastmilk supply as well as regular latching or pumping will help you to slowly build your breastmilk supply. Everyone is different and for me I also took quite some time before my breastmilk supply became steady and sufficient. I was sick of everyone asking me if I had enough milk for my baby as if I would starve her! When I didn’t have sufficient milk I supplement with formula as I wasn’t too hung up about it. Your husband should tell your MIL off for blaming you for everything and if need be cared confinement food instead of relying on your MIL to take care of your confinement. Your focus should be on your newborn. Please hang on in there - people who do not offer constructive advices should be ignored!

Read more
Super Mum

I'm sorry to say this but your MIL sounds super toxic and I'd try to avoid and ignore at all cost. Your mental health and wellbeing is important too, and there's no scientific evidence that milk supply is affected by eating fried food. If you're struggling with supply, try to power pump, latch regularly or other proven methods. Milk vomitting could be due to reflux or gassiness so try to pat baby for a long time on your shoulder after feeding. Not pooping for many days is normal for breastfed babies. But either way, for your own sanity please try to avoid your mil for now. She doesn't seem like the best person to help you or your baby, can you find other options? Move out to your own place, get helper or infant care?

Read more
2y ago

Thanks. My milk supply is improving slowly. Husband always ask me to communicate with his mum which I really don't know how to. She drives me crazy during my whole confinement period. To be honest, she not exactly toxic, but she came from a different country with a different culture and character. Both me & my husband can't get along with both in laws so we agree to put baby to infant care when she is 3.5months old. I can't wait her to return back to Hong Kong. My family living in a small unit, therefore husband don't really like the idea of me going back to my mother's place.

Super Mum

Oh dear. It’s not your fault. You may want to see a PD on how to improve your baby’s condition. You can give probiotics to help with baby’s gut health. Please also talk to your husband about his mother’s behaviour. He ought to protect you. You have just given birth and need a lot of rest and care, not blame and scolding. If you can breastfeed, please do so! It’s really good for your baby. Your baby comes first, not your MIL! If you don’t like her cooking, can you consider ordering confinement food? Tell your husband that your baby needs a lot of positive vibes and a loving home.

Read more

Sorry to dampen your mood but this will not stop as long as she stays as your MIL. For my case, it's my own mother. I was blamed for anything happened to my baby. Even when he is already 28mo, I am blamed to have eaten something wrong that's why he fell sick now. Fact is he was breastfed till 15mo, how amazing whatever I ate can affect him till now. No logic at all! The Mothers do not have any knowledge at all, but wanna act they know alot because they think they are older. Just ignore and move on. No point risking suffering from Pdd because of such people.

Read more

Your hubby need to educate his mum about foods and bf. Show her some articles As for run away issue, maybe you should just give her a call and inform her that you're doing confinement in your mum's place. It's never too late to do so. You can say your parents know your appetite and may help solve your problem. At least to keep her happy as you still need to see her for long time. Really headache to have such kind of arrogant and ignorant aunty as in law.

Read more
Super Mum

Poor thing:( It’s not your fault, dear. Get some rest and help while you’re back at your mum’s place. Share with your husband how you feel, and ask him for emotional and physical support. You’re still recovering from labour/pregnancy, and you’re managing a newborn. Plus you’ve had to be in the hospital with baby recently. That’s A LOT to go through. You don’t need so much negativity in your life, especially now. Hugs..

Read more

Hey, I would suggest to relax and don't think about this too much. Right now the ficus for you is your baby and your health. May be give a call to your MIL and explain her the situation and reason of you moving away. Just give it some time and it will be fine.

No mother would want anything bad happen to their baby so I am sure you did your best as a mother providing to your precious BB. What she said is baseless and hurtful, I would run away too if I were you.

Food intake will not affect breastmilk. And milk supply is depend on individual. Btw u can have some supplement to increase milk supply and dun stress urself.

VIP Member

Do what u have to do to keep your sanity dear. Have support frm ur husb or yr own fam instead.. think whats best for u n ur baby okie!