marry too early

Hi all.. pls dont judge genuinely need some REAL adult advise. it was a shotgun marriage, my husband and I we were together on and off many times since we were 14yo, now 23yo. the reasons we broke off many times before was due to arguments, incompatibility. it was a spur of the moment when we said we wanted a kid and we got a kid hence marrying at 21 and a mom at 22.. during this period, my husband and I did have fun nice memories la but we both feel we r still not compatible with each other we still argue A LOT. when times r good, both of us feel happy and how lucky we r to have a beautiful baby girl. but when times r bad, I start to feel regrets for marrying him but never regretting giving birth to my baby. in all honesty, I've thought of divorcing. but I can't bear to let my daughter go thru this :( After marriage. I've been in and out of depression.. i suggested to go for marriage counselling but he doesn't want he feel we r fine. Some advice pls?? Is this just a phase? or do I just tahan for the sake of my baby?

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Your marriage sounds wonderful to me, a healthy baby and a husband that love you a lot. Thinking of divorcing or regretting of marry is normal at certain stage of life. Occasionally I will think of it too for some weird reasons (I still can't let go of my parents fully). Some aunties will also say they regret marry bla bla bla... But they never and don't let this evil thought takes away your happiness. No one is perfect for another and arguments are definitely unavoidable cos we were raised up differently. You can always see some old couples fight and quarrel everyday but they NEVER leave each other. Chinese says 磨合. Every relationship need efforts regardless it's with your friends or family. I seen my parents quarrel everyday when I was young but they would quickly reconciled after finish argued and went out for supper like usual😅 so for me argument is a way of communication . Just don't keep in heart for too long. Any choice you made earlier can be right if you put effort and wrong when you decided to give up. Marry early definitely has its own advantages. Imagine you will be 50 when your child is 30 or able to live independently. Many people want this. You don't have to worry about children education after retirement. Seek for professional assistance for depression or marriage if you think you need one. Not wrong to do that.

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im going through something similar n all i can say is, divorce isn’t always a bad thing, it’s only bad if u make it out to be. in fact it’s actually better if both parties will be happier that way, kids will adapt fast n it’s better to let them see 2 happy parents separately as to both parents fighting everyday, the emotional scar that leaves will haunt them.. u should also never stay in a marriage just for the kids, it might seem like the right thing to do but it really isn’t. if u do go through with the divorce, don’t lie to your child about it, talk to them, be honest n explain why u made that choice, show them that u are happier like this, they might not understand it yet but eventually they will. for me, i don’t want my kids growing up thinking that they have to tolerate their marriage just because they have children of their own, if a marriage is not working out, it WILL become toxic very fast n it will definitely affect the little ones. i hope u feel better soon, all the best!

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Super Mum

I feel at 23 you're not too young but not fully adults either, as in there's still room for growth and changes. Especially men tend to mature slower than women so if there are things that make you unhappy about each other, it's fine to slowly work it out together. I understand at times it feels like nothing can change, but young people are still very adaptable. You can help each other overcome your weaknesses and become better people together. Just communicate a lot and talk about your own feelings rather than blaming the other party. For example you can tell him why you would like to consider counselling like you're feeling very sad and unsure about your future, because he doesn't seem to understand that currently. All the best!

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as someone who lived with fighting parents for 7 years before them divorcing, i’d suggest u divorce instead of continue quarrelling everyday. my parents stayed together for me n my lil bro, he didn’t see them quarrel as much as i did, instead he only saw if for a few months before they divorced(he was 4). i struggled with depression after all of it, the arguments of my parents haunted me for long, my brother however was fine, honestly we both quite liked having 2 houses, both liked our happier single parents compared to unhappy married parents. people often think divorce is cruel to the child but as someone who’s had divorced parents, i can only say, divorce is only bad if u make it look bad, it can be for the better.

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Just wondering how those couples that went through arrange marriage be compatible with each other? Our grandparents are mostly like this. This is old days wisdom. True love only come when both are able to go through all the rocky stuffs. I have a friend who is a teacher. She told me how children from divorcing parents behave in school and how heartaches she see this. Please don't let your children go through this if you truly love them. Happiness is man made

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VIP Member

You both are still really young and your personalities are still developing. I personally believe that you don’t become your real self till you are in your 30s! That’s from my own experience! What have you tried to do to become closer and more similar as a couple? Also what do you all generally fight about? In this case since you have a little one, I suggest to stick it thru and try to make the marriage work. Divorce can be very impactful on a child

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Super Mum

There are surely ups and downs in a marriage regardless of who you marry. It's really up to the individuals to make things work. My husband and I remind each other that of the wedding vows we made - we take time to date and surprise each other. Having children made things better cos we grow together as a couple, as parents and as individuals. Things do get boring sometimes so we recreate the spark lor. All the best to you!

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Sorry to hear about this. But, I feel u should try to work things out. Easier said than done. But I believe no children should suffer from divorce.

Sorry to hear this!