MIL problems, need advice (long post)

Hi mummies Am i the only one who has problems with my MIL? I'm not sure if it's because I'm very young therefore she thinks I'm incapable of taking care of my lo myself. But I'm having my confinement at my own home and my parents r both working but I'm doing fine handling my lo. My mil likes to tell me how i should care for my lo and what I should do when i don't need such advices bc I'm rly doing fine! Currently I'm alternating between my parents home n my in law in months so it's fair to both sides in terms of spending time with my lo and I'm honestly more comfortable at my own home as noone is here to micromanage me.. but my mil isnt happy about that, she is constantly arguing with my husband that i should be living with them instead as the baby is their family surname.. and my mil doesn't respect me when i tell her to not wake my baby up when my lo is sleeping she always carries her n wake her up on purpose and keeps insisting on giving my daughter pacifier when i do not encourage unless really necessary. Problems about my in law house that makes me uncomfortable also is because they always smoke in their home and definitely 2nd and 3rd hand smoke is NOT good for my lo but mil doesnt respect that! she still smokes in the house and in her room!!!!! mil also isnt happy that my husband n i r planning to rent a 2room from hdb bc she wants us to stay with her. What should i do?? i get very depressed whenever I'm at my in law house bc of the things my mil does. and I'm not able to voice up to her.

8 Replies
Write a reply

Dear mum, Experiencing these situations is normal and I think is a common thing. It will really help if you can talk about it with your husband and your MIL. Please explain to her politely how are these things affecting you and your baby and try discussing with her if some middle ground can be reached. But rest assured that things better with time. Just handle the situations bravely #strongmum :)

Read more
VIP Member

This sounds all too familiar! Do try and talk to your husband about it and try to work something out. I'm sure for the sake of your child everyone will come to an amicable agreement(: Good luck!

VIP Member

2nd hand smoke is not only bad for your children but also to yourself. For the sake of your children's health it is better to move out in order to give your children a healthy environment. For me, I will definitely respect my mil if my mil give me the equally respect. Otherwise I don't see any reason why do I need to give in and suffer ownself and children. Understand that husband is sometimes in difficult situation to side on wife vs mom but in this situation husband needs to be more rationale (as 2nd smoke is really bad for everyone) than fear of dishearten his mom.

Read more
VIP Member

Let your husband be the linking bridge. He will be able to speak better and relates to his parents.

stay urself if u can handle. I ended up divorce Bcos of all this mIL pro. Ur hubby will b in a very difficult & stress position which is no good for ur marriage. yr in law not happy so wat, u also not everyday face her right. do Wat is good for ur baby and marriage. Best is apply a house urself rent not worth also. Now I'm in my 2nd marriage and I insist not staying w my in law, she is not an easy person also but the diff is my this hubby will side mi and his mom can't control him. u dun argue W ur in law, if ur hubby also think same as u then let him go real to them. Remember is not ur job to make them happy, under their sur name so wat. Jus b firm & make sure u & ur hubby are together, if ur hubby listen to his mom and think u r wrong then ur marriage sure wil have problems. letting bb stay in smoking house is a NO. and u no need everyday bring bb go ur in law side, once a week is good enough. next time u stay ur own place she wan also can go visit u. if ur hubby dun mind stay at ur mom place then Jus stay no need care abt Wat ur in law think. most important u mus b happy.

Read more

My MIL is not so nice too.. Shes actually offered me Maggie noodle during my confinement and because its during CNY all the food she cooked has seafood in it. She never offer to help take care of the baby and will make comments like my baby is noisy and she can't sleep at night. She even told me off when I cover my baby with blanket and accidentally woke my baby up. Worse part is she is damn messy always leaving a mess wherever she go (spill drinks, milk powder etc). she empty all the water I cooled to make milk for my baby and also left the air pot empty when she leave the house. lucky for me, my HB is planning to move out asap as he is aware of my MIL bad habits. cheer up. you are not the only one with issue with your MIL

Read more

My mil tried to pressure me into staying with them as well. She kept telling me older gen dont like the daughter to do confinement in her own house, and promise she can cook for me everyday etc. Im glad i have a supportive hubby. He did not force me and in fact, moved into my house. Im so glad i made that choice. We go back once a week after my confinement but my mil finds it a chore to cook a meal for us. And both his parents smoke in the house too! I told hubby honestly that i do not like it. He told them my concern and now they dont smoke when baby is around. I cant totally ask them to quit. So its a give and take. My parents in law will also try to wake my baby up. My mil will carry him for 5 hours straight except when drinking milk. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ Im alone at home during my confinement period. I ordered confinement food. I cant imagine it if i were to do it at his side. Overall, i think its best to talk to ur hubby nicely. Let him know what is bothering you and try to work it out. Cant have everything your way; have to give and take.

Read more
2y ago

my husband in a tough position bc of his mother. she always make him very stress n basically my husband n i always argue over this issue - my MIL. hard for him to choose me n baby over his mom...

VIP Member

I made it clear to my mil, that im happy staying at my own parents house. I also made it clear that ill only visit once in 1-2 weeks. Whether they like it or not, cause my husband has to work till late everyday and we cant always give up our weekends to both my in laws (divorced, so we gotta go 2 different houses). When my mil nags most of the time i just okok and ignore hahaha. If quarrel with my husband because of all these i also told him he can always move back with his parents, and ill just stay where i am. 16 months passed now im living a good and happy life at my parents' πŸ˜†

Read more
2y ago

So lucky!!! my mil is very difficult! she won't talk to me if she's unhappy but rather she takes it all out on my husband n it stirs up arguement between him n i. stress.