Sex trouble with hubby

I've not have sex with my hubby since we found out I was pregnant in early 2016. Baby was born prematurely and is stable now. Recently I told hubby I hope to have another baby in a few years time. He said he doesn't want to because he is afraid I will have another premature delivery. Last night, I tried to initiate sex but his body language tells me he is not keen. I feel so upset. What should I do? It has been so long and I want to get intimate again.

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Getting pregnant again after a preterm birth or loss entails both physical and emotional readiness. Emotional readiness should be achieved first before physical readiness. You and your spouse may need grief counseling since you lost the experience to carry a full term baby and you will need someone to help you address the feelings associated with that loss. When both you and your spouse are emotionally prepared, it is best to consult with your doctor to confirm that you are physically ready to get pregnant again. He or she will provide recommendation on the timing of your next pregnancy. This will depend on the mode of delivery (natural or Cesarean) and the gestational week when the baby was delivered or miscarried. Risk Factors If you receive the doctor’s green light to get pregnant, there are certain risk factors to remember to prevent future preterm delivery or loss: 1) Getting pregnant too soon after the baby - A doctor would recommend you wait at least 18 months after preterm delivery or loss to get pregnant again. This period should give your body time enough to recover. 2) Health conditions like diabetes or high blood pressure - Make sure your doctor knows about any health condition you may have as these not only can increase risks of miscarriage, but may also cause complications and birth defects. 3) Being overweight or underweight - Being overweight can also increase chances of developing gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, labor problems; while being underweight can not only cause premature birth but may also result in a baby who is underweight. 4) Smoking, alcohol, and illegal drugs - Smoking exposes the baby to harmful chemicals. Also, infants born to women who smoke during pregnancy tend to be smaller than those born to nonsmokers. These babies are also more likely to have asthma, colic, and childhood obesity, as well as an increased risk of dying from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Drinking alcohol is also not advised since alcohol can enter through the placenta and into the baby’s liver, which will not be developed enough to break it down. The various effects that can occur on a baby whose mom drank alcohol during pregnancy may include physical, mental, behavioral, and learning disabilities. Three or more drinks per occasion or more than 7 drinks per week is considered as too much alcohol during pregnancy. Illegal drug use (includes the use of heroin, cocaine, methamphetamines, and marijuana and use of prescription drugs for a nonmedical reason) can cause birth defects and interfere with fetal growth that can lead to preterm birth or miscarriage. 5) Infection during pregnancy - Make sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water, to keep your genital area clean as well, and to use a condom to prevent contracting an STD. How to Prevent Preterm Delivery or Loss There are procedures your doctor can recommend to help prevent preterm birth for loss - but choosing the ideal option for you will depend on your previous delivery. Some options include: 1) Cervical cerciage - A stitch is used to enforce the cervix of women with poor obstetrical history or a history of procedures that have weakened the cervix. Studies on this procedure indicate a viable birth rate of 70-90 percent with this option. 2) Cervical monitoring - An ultrasound measures the length of the cervix every 2-4 weeks for women with poor obstetrical history or a history of procedures that have weakened the cervix. Bed rest is recommended along with cervical monitoring - although data has not proven that bed rest is successful in preventing preterm delivery. 3) Progesterone supplementation - This is recommended for women with history of preterm labor. The progesterone is administered weekly via injection beginning at around the 16th-20th week of pregnancy and continuing until the 34th-36th week. This procedure has been shown to decrease the risk of preterm delivery for women who have had a previous preterm delivery. Sources: - http://handtohold.org/resources/helpful-articles/pregnancy-after-preterm-birth-or-loss/ - http://www.marchofdimes.org/pregnancy/thinking-about-pregnancy-after-premature-birth.aspx - http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/pregnancy-week-by-week/in-depth/pregnancy-and-obesity/art-20044409 - http://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Tobacco-Alcohol-Drugs-and-Pregnancy

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4y ago

Hi, I have this condition incompetent cervix and in 21weeks now. Keep taking progesterone 200mg 2x a day and now prescribed 3x a day. w/ Isoxuprine 3x a day too. And w/ multivitamins.. My question is.. Those progesterone will not cause overdose? How about the effect in my baby? Hope you will reply soonest. Thank you.

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The way a woman and a man's mind work are different - we usually think about "biological things" like how time may be running out for us to get pregnant, how our kids may not have a play mate, how there would be a big age gap, how we have to keep up with ovulation etc. There may be other things we think about too, but these are usually our driving factors! For men, they run more on "situational factors" - whether there's enough finances to support two children, whether you have enough time as a couple, whether you have the time/energy to have another child, whether the house/car can accommodate another, whether the firstborn is ready for a sibling etc. Sometimes, this creates the gap between couples about decisions they make as parents, or even just as a married couple. There are couples who decided to go with the flow too, but if not managed well, you end up with a stay-at-home parent and a sole breadwinner parent who both don't understand each other's hard work for the family, or two working parents with no couple/family time trying to earn enough to cover monthly expenses and children's education. In addition to that, some husbands care a lot more than they show - some experience it once and get scarred by what their wife/family goes through during pregnancy (esp one with complications) or childbirth (usually those who witness a C-section/vaginal birth or a long labour where his wife suffered a lot). They're a lot more careful after having a child, so it would take them for them to be prepared mentally, physically and financially! I'd say to try and talk things out in a casual way, and find out why he doesn't want to be intimate so you can understand what (if anything) you can do to improve things :)

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To solve this issue I would first look at data to find out why you had a premature baby? Was it medical? Or was it a “lifestyle” factor (no blaming - just stating facts) Lifestyle factors for premature births include: 1. Smoking in early pregnancy 2. Second hand smoke exposure 3. Obesity 4. Being underweight 5. Too much exercise If the premature birth happened because of one of those 5 reasons the good news is you can do stuff to prevent it from happening again. Going by data you can Eliminate your husbands fear of a premature baby and hopefully plan for your second child. Best of luck mama

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I think I'm having the same issues. Thruout the whole pregnancy we didn't had sex because first tri was too horrible for me with 24/7 puking and 2nd tri I was having bleeding episode (not caused by intercourse) and went into pre term labour as well. We both are physically n mentally tired. I would want another baby. But he doesn't seem to have energy to have "Sex" too. =(

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Thank God the baby is stable and safe. I suggest you start satisfying yourself with "toys". When he is ready, he is ready. Of cos you can be romantic and etc. But I can imagine not having intimacy for a very long time can be emotionally draining and feeling unloved. Is worst for girls because guys learn how to masturbate at a very young age :P

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Guess you must talk things out with him. let him understand and know how things are. take one step at a time. can't imagine married life without intimacy. meanwhile u may want to provide yourself with some self love during this period. possibly get a toy 😉 it will take time and effort to get back on track

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there is nothing to worry about because there are a lot of medicine and psychologists, but I trust drugs more, there is such an idea that products help https://purekana.com/collections/pets/ , here you can choose something for yourself and your husband, don’t worry, everything will work out!

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Probably he is worried about things will happen with baby being born early. what was the cause of premature labour? He needs assurance and lots of talk. Slowly talk to him and explain to him.

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Hey dear, give him sometime. I'm sure he has concerns as well. Try to share your thoughts with him slowly. Take one step at a time.

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Maybe can talk to him about it. Sometimes such things are hard to predict. When both are ready then try again