Husband in dating/hooking up apps

Hey all, good day! I wanna ask you guys about something, i caught my husband on dating/hooking up apps recently. I dont know if i'm being over dramatic or not. I was not able to see their conversation, when confronted, he admitted that he has been doing it everytime we having argument (married for about 5 years). Our sex frequency is honestly not that high, but in my opinion, he rarely initiates too. We have a 3 year old kid. When i was pregnant, i had the placenta previa condition which prevent me from having sex with him. Our sex frequency also was not that high even before we got pregnant. When asked abt the apps, he said he just did it because he was not getting enough from me. I admit I rarely initiate the sex . So my question is, is it normal that i feel so mad and thinking about a divorce? Would you do the same?

Anonymous

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I’m sorry to hear that you’re going thru this while in a marriage and with a small kid. Actually, I was in a similar situation as you but less complicated lah. My then-bf was on dating app while in a relationship with me. I found out and his reason was some “ego problem” and unhealthy stress management. Obviously I was damn angry and called it quits but he was remorseful and worked really hard to salvage our relationship. He went to therapy for a year to work on himself and he gave me access to his phone, his cc bills, texting apps, social media accs, even banking and financial statements and also updated me hourly his whereabouts with photos. It took me like 2 years to truly forgive him and he’s my hubby now and i still have all the access. Conclusion, if your husband really wants you and save the marriage he will be willing to do the necessary and it’s hard work on both sides to rebuild the trust. Good luck fellow mummy

Met irl or not, being on dating apps while in a rs or worse after marriage is totally unacceptable! Cheating doesn’t just mean physical/sexual, texting/sexting is also a form of emotional cheating.. the fact that he “blames” it on you that he’s on those apps because he’s not getting enough from you just shows what kind of man he is..

Oh no, it’s not normal. It’s called cheating. You must have a proper conversation. Marriage is a higher relationship, not something he can treat casually. If you guys are less intimate and he has a problem, he must talk to you and find how to resolve, but not this.

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Anonymous

1mo ago

It’s never too late for anything. As long as you have love left in the relationship you can build on that. Please stay strong, but don’t let anyone cheat you with your awareness, I have never seen it end well.

If he actually hooks up with women and slept with them then it’s downright cheating. If he’s chatting virtually then I think it depends on what you define as cheating. Some women will be angry but will forgive but some women see that as cheating too.

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Anonymous

1mo ago

Even if he's never met any of the girls (or so he claims la hor), fact is that he considered doing so, and him looking through these apps puts him on a slippery slope to actually do something, especially when he's all angry after fighting. I suggest talking to him when everyone is calm, that you do not wish that it escalates to this level, and that the consequences will be dire if he chooses to proceed to engage in physical activities. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking that browsing these apps doesn't mean anything; there are girls on the other end who may be looking for a fling, and may not realise/care that this guy is married with a kid. And no, you have every right to be angry. Your husband thinks it's ok to have a look around every time you 2 fight. That's not healthy. Would also suggest seeking help to improve both your conflict management skills. This situation still can be resolved.

I guess that's cheating.. might want to sit down and have a hth chat with him, making sure there is no miscommunication before u jump into conclusion.

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Anonymous

4w ago

To me that is considered cheating, but for some girls it's acceptable. It really depends on your own POV if it's acceptable. If it's not, u have to communicate with him saying that is cheating in ur dictionary. Last time, I caught my ex sexting. He's idea of cheating is to cheat physically, I told him emotional cheating is also cheating in my dictionary. We talked things out and stayed together for another year but ultimately that situation made me lose feelings for him over time.

yes it is clearly cheating and unacceptable. need to have a good talk with him. vice versa, can he accept it if you are the one doing it?

Anonymous

1mo ago

confirm he would flip. i tried his vape once he already cant accept it. imagine this?

If you’re not mad about it, you’re abnormal. I would do the same as you did.

Anonymous

1mo ago

ah thank you for making sure this aint normal haha

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