I've always thought I am able to handle 2 children when my 2nd child arrived 2 months ago. Things is not not gg well especially I feel I have been very harsh with my 5 yrs old boy recently. While I am trying very hard to bond with my LO , the elder one will start to speak very loud at home and will go disturb the baby when he is asleep soundly. Recently, teacher told me the elder one hit someone at childcare and when I ask him nicely , he is totally not willing to talk about it. He does not have this kind of record in school before. When I talk to him , he will just immense himself into his fav TV cartoon and would not answer or pay little attention to my words. Sometimes , he is rude to my mum too. I am starting to worry about his character.... At few times , he pushed me to my limits and I could not tolerate and swear in front of him . I know I shouldn't be and feel ashamed at myself .Things seems to change a lot after the LO arrived . In the past I have read many parenting books in order to be the best mum I could.But I feel like I have failed just been a good mum after all and I feel so angry with him that I told him I don't love him anymore.My husband scolded me for my mean words and I really regretted. At the same time , I really want to give more attention to the little one which he really needs as an infant . I am torn and feel really tired as I also need to spend time with my elder one on his homework as he will be approaching K2 very soon. I need need some wise advices. Thanks

Firstly, I think you should sit down with your first child and apologise to him for saying you don't love him anymore. Tell him you are very sorry and you regret it and you love him a lot. Tell him mummy also makes mistakes and ask him will he forgive you? This will start to heal the rift in your relationship. Then I think you should commit to doing a nighttime routine with ur older child every night - bathtime, story time and bedtime - give him your undivided attention for his perhaps 30 mins. This will help him bond with you. You can have a special box for him that he can write down a thought a day and you can discuss it with him every night too. (Learnt from Super nanny- you can YouTube some of her videos.. and pick up some parenting tips) Your first child is feeling neglected so he's acting out. Maybe once every 2 weeks have a special one on one date with him- bring him out for ice cream or something alone and leave baby with daddy or grandparents. Also do have acitivities involving the entire family so your older Son and baby can bond. Lastly, could you consider part time or flexi work so that you have more time with both kids? Tempers tend to run short when you're already stressed with a Long day at work and having to deal with kids. But if you can't, it's ok... just gotta work with what you can do :)

Yes, it's not easy to handle two kids with different demands from you but it can be managed. From your situation, seems that your older boy is jealous that you're giving all your attention to the little one. At his age, he won't understand why you should give more care and time to the little one. Hence with you scolding him out of frustration or when he doesn't listen to you, that is not going to help him. Perhaps while you are feeding or bathing the little one, you can get him to help a little... as you do certain task, explain to him that baby is so small needs both your love to help him, tell him altho baby can't talk but baby is thankful that big bro is helping to prep his clothes/towel, tell him baby is happy to have him as a big bro etc Also take the chance to tell him that mummy loves him still the same even if baby is now home, that you are happy he is willing to help you bring baby's clothes, for helping you with little chores, tell him he is now BIG BRO and can learn to take on new responsibilities, tell him mummy sees him grown up and becoming a big bro to baby, tell him you love him for that. He needs your assurance esp more when little one is having most of your attention now. Stay strong, take the time to bond with both. You're a great mummy, your older one will be able to feel it. Jia you :)

It is definitely not easy handling two children. Guess you will need to try and find a balance. Firstly, don't be too hard on yourself as you are probably doing the best you can. Secondly, while the baby needs a lot of care and attention, the older child needs your attention too. Try explaining to your number one that he is now the older brother and should help mummy take care of his younger brother. Also, always assure him that mummy still loves him and that no one could replace him in your heart. Thirdly, like I've mentioned, try to strike a balance. Be sure to spend some alone time with your firstborn too. He needs time to adjust to having a sibling and needs plenty of assurance that nothing much has changed despite the new addition to the family. Hence, both you and your husband could spend time alone with him to assure him that he still matters a lot to both of you. It will not be easy with the demands of looking after the newborn. But it is very important to ensure that everyone in the family can adapt to the change positively. Hang in there mummy!!

1st- balance 2nd- jealous 3rd- attention 1st- balance. You have to balance both your child as know the 2nd child is just 2 months old you have to put a lot of effort on him/her. This will let your elder feel no balance. 2nd- jealous. As you put a lot of effort on your 2nd child, your elder will feel jealous as what ever you will go to your 2nd child first. Example: once 2nd child cry you will faster go for him. Toy, you will get a lot of new toy for him/her that all his/her thing are all new. 3rd- attention. Your elder child feel that you are giving less attention than before, so he/she started to do or say something that will make others to get his attention. You have to slowly let your elder child know: Example: didi or meimei still baby, You have to help mummy to look after didi/meimei as because you are korkor/jiejie already. Let him/her to know that he/her need to love didi/meimei. Hope this help you and sorry that my English no good.

You will definitely need to sacrifice a bit of your time with the younger one for the elder one now. I have 2 kids too - 2.5 years old and 11 months old. I totally know how it feels, I had my elder child misbehaving and casting me aside at some point in time. My relationship with my elder one started to drift apart when I got pregnant. He kept throwing tempers and rejected me many times when I tried to be closer to him, and it hurt me really bad, but I continued to show him that I care for him and that I'm always there for him. And now we are close again, but of course my time with the younger must be sacrificed. Hang in there, be patient, and show your son that you still love him. Try to ask your hubby or someone else to care for your younger child. Finally, try to engage your elder son in helping you take care of his sibling.

Hi Mummy, Its never easy taking care of both kids at the same time. I am taking care of two boys, 6 years old & a toddler on my own without any help. Know it can be frustrating at times and driving us nuts too on some bad days. However, we really need to be very very patient especially towards the elder one. Cos its their way of getting our love and attention :) They can be emotionally sensitive at this phase. Please continue to assure him our love & TRY to spend some one-to-one time with him while the younger one naps. Be it just cuddles/hugs or any activities he enjoys. Only then can we further strengthen our bond with the elder one and the siblings will have a good headstart in their relationship as well. So refrain from losing our cool and use hurtful/mean words that we will regret later. Jia you!!

Understand how you r feeling now as my 5 year old is also demanding time from me when I also need to take care of my 1 year old. From time to time I will let others take care of my younger one for maybe a couple of hours then I will solely take care of the older one to let him/her feel that at least mummy still has me in her eyes. And also try to hold your anger when the older one does wrong... I know it's difficult but try (count to 10 or go another room or don't talk to the child first to calm ur anger). Try to do things together with the younger one - read books, watch tv, eat go out or can even ask the older one to help out taking care of the younger one... From there they will bond. Things wi be rocky at the start but will be better as they grow older. Jia you~!!!!

Please tell yourself you did a good job. It is indeed not easy to cope with two little ones. I have to cope two after work and weekends with no help at most days. Like your elder, my elder has to split his every part of life now with his little sister and whenever he tested over my limit, he gets caned. This did not make him better but has fear in me. I stopped the cane then and introduced him to outdoor fun; his own fun time. Every one weekend, he gets to the playground and set his own time to go home; about 15-60mins. So far works quite well. This gives us interaction, together with my lo and a good thing to avoid electronic gadgets. Since your boy is 5, you can send him for activity. 😚 Let him to learn a sport. My elder is half the age of your son. All d best.

I have the exact same situation as u 4 years back. Same as u, i thought the little one needed more attention cos he is a baby. I kind of regretted as I don't have much memory of my elder one ever since the younger one is born so my advice to u is don't make the same mistake as I did... what u can do is set aside some alone time with yr elder boy everyday.. just lie down cuddle, chit chat, hugs, kiss etc etc like what u do with him before.. don't lose the loving bond and at the same explain to him why baby need more of your time.. have hubby or someone close to help take care of baby at that time. Sometimes u can ask if he can allow baby to join in and 3 of u can have some time together but still focus more on the elder one becos its his time. Hope this helps

OMG! Hope u r better now. This is a definite no no. We all understand that the infant needs yr love and concern more but u need to love yr #1 even more. He already know what is love and je used to hv 100% but now he is only getting 50% or even lesser. This is not fair for him. Please spare a thought for his feelings. What i would suggest ia to speak nicely to him and most importantly admit yr mistake and apoligise to him. He will definitely feel better. Engaged him together while i r breastfeeding your #2. Hugged and kissed him more often. He mustn't feel left out or unloved cos this impression will b with him for life. He will think #2 has taken everything away from him. He will hate #2.