Firstly, I think you should sit down with your first child and apologise to him for saying you don't love him anymore. Tell him you are very sorry and you regret it and you love him a lot. Tell him mummy also makes mistakes and ask him will he forgive you? This will start to heal the rift in your relationship.
Then I think you should commit to doing a nighttime routine with ur older child every night - bathtime, story time and bedtime - give him your undivided attention for his perhaps 30 mins. This will help him bond with you.
You can have a special box for him that he can write down a thought a day and you can discuss it with him every night too. (Learnt from Super nanny- you can YouTube some of her videos.. and pick up some parenting tips)
Your first child is feeling neglected so he's acting out. Maybe once every 2 weeks have a special one on one date with him- bring him out for ice cream or something alone and leave baby with daddy or grandparents.
Also do have acitivities involving the entire family so your older Son and baby can bond.
Lastly, could you consider part time or flexi work so that you have more time with both kids?
Tempers tend to run short when you're already stressed with a Long day at work and having to deal with kids. But if you can't, it's ok... just gotta work with what you can do :)
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