Feel disappointed

I just want to find a place to share my feeling.. My husband is so addicted to his mobile phone been watching tik tok or playing games every day & every hr. Usual day after work I will rush back to buy dinner, pump bm, fetch my lo from infant care then change his clothes & make him sleep. After that I need to wash all the bottles & container, take my shower then have my dinner. My husband is more busier so I understand I can settle all these before he come back home. Everyday he come back home will just sit down & start using his phone to watch tik tok/fb or play games. Even having dinner also he only looking at his phone. I know he is stress & tired after work need to relax himself so I don’t stop him. Sometime I do feel tired too having the need to feed my lo during midnight (sometime he will feed lo too), wake up earlier to pump milk before work..but all these is what a mum should do I won’t blame anyone. What I’m disappointed was even during weekend which I think that’s the time we can spend more time with our lo. But he is still looking at his phone more than looking at our lo. When lo is crying for milk he will just continue playing his game & ignore his crying. At that time I really feel like walking to him & throw his phone away. I know my work is less stressful than his & I don’t earn as much as him. But having bb is what he always want & even ask for 2nd one. But I don’t think we are suitable to have a 2nd one with this situation. I don’t know isit that i’m overreact or what..I’ve been keeping all this in my heart for a long time & just want to say out..

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Hi mummy, you are not overreacting. I have the same thoughts and told my husband I’m not sure if I can handle another child if he doesn’t help out more. My husband tries to help but most of the time, mothers have to take a larger share of the load of chores. :( and I’ll end up doing everything if I don’t show that I’m struggling or ask for help. Most of his free time, my hubby is also on his phone or watching shows to destress. However, he asks me to tell him what to do when I need his help and he takes action 70% of the time and some times, there is indefinite delay. Whenever he plans to have leisure time with his friends, I will also plan a facial or massage on another day or outing with my friends so he gets to spend time taking care of LO and I get time off and feel more recharged/balanced. Hang in there, mummy. I do wonder if dads play a bigger role when kids are a bit older and can play and are less dependent. I keep reminding myself that when the time comes, LO and hubby shall go out for cycling / run / swim and I shall just remove myself from that to rest a bit. 😅

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My hub is pretty much the same, though he will move when kicked. I am not sure if it will work for you, but u can try asking him to do things specifically, ie. wash the bottles once baby’s done drinking or u are done pumping, while you are attending to baby. Maybe when he sees that you are busy at task when you asked him to help out, he will do the required chores. Don’t stay bottled up as it may lead to a worst explosion you are reach your max tolerance..

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1y ago

I totally agree - when I ask my husband to help with specific chores, he will help (sometimes happily, other times not so much), but if I don't ask, he will not do - He is not wired to be considerate, so I got to tell him specifically how he can help - before i use to tell him that im upset that he plays too many computer games - i saw no behavioural change, so then I told him specifically what needs to be done and i get some results

Thank you all the mummies/daddies for ur encouraging words/advise. I’m feeling better after reading all ur comment. I also trying to express my feeling to my husband and he is slightly more “auto” to help up now (although he still play lot of games but better than nth) 😌 hopefully it’s not short-lived haha

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You are a good and understanding wife. Regardless of work stress and income, he should be more involve in spending time with you and lo. After all, he is your husband and father of the lo. Try talk to him and ask him to be more involve. At least let you have a break. Jia you.

1y ago

It is good to see that you have made a good start here, by sharing your feeling. Please don't bottle up as you will breakdown one day and that could be devastating. Share your thoughts with him and let him know you need his help and support. There is no supremacy in a relationship but respect. I think he will be more involve after you share your feeling with him. You are a capable lady but sometimes have to act weak in front of him.😉 He is a lucky man to have you as his wife.🙂

You are a great mother and wife. Try talking to your husband and let him know how you feel. Understand that he perhaps needs to relax and destress by watching videos but you would like his support and to spend time together as well. Jia you mummy! :)

You can ask him to help with some simple duties like washing and cleaning up the baby's mess. It will take some burden off you. Next time the baby grow up you can tell him/her all the stories about dad.

Hello, I think he is too used to you doing everything. U shldnt pamper ur hubby, u need a helping hand, not a hand that can’t help.