Hi i need to rant about my husband . I find him very selfish and lazy. Our relationship went downhill so much after having a baby. Firstly it all started on the first night I came home from hospital. The confinement lady told him to get somethings and instead of going out in the day to buy he went out around midnight and took the chance to have supper with his friends and shop at ntuc . I had a c sect so I needed someone to help me up to pump milk and he wasn't around. After that in the first few months he will often sleep until noon even though our baby wakes at 8am. As we sleep with air con on, when I need to bathe the baby I need to move the baby to another room to change her. I tried to endure at first and hope he will change on his own but of course he did not. So I told him my frustrations. I think he did change in terms of waking a bit earlier to help. But he still sleeps late. It is not as if he helps a lot in the day or wakes at night to help me feed baby but yet he still wakes up after me and takes nap as and when during the day. He is permanently sleeping if I allow him to. Once a week I let our baby stay over at his mom's place so that we have some me time. He will arrange many activities during this one day and then I won't have time to do my chores like pack baby's stuffs or wash her things. If he help out maybe it is better but once baby is not around he will go back to his usual sleeping habit. He says he wants me time with me but he wakes up so late everyday and if we go out with friends where is the me time? We didn't even have any intimacy for a long time. Every time I am online searching for deals for diapers and wet wipes he is snoring away. But when it comes to arranging sessions to eat and play with his friends he takes the initiative I am so sick of him!!!

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I'm unsure if I wanted to post this so I do it anonymously. Maybe is the approach. Sorry but to say your rant looks like a typical divorce affidavit for unreasonable behavior. If you have a confinement lady, she is meant to help you pump milk. Your husband most likely is trying to let out some steam by going out for supper and buying baby stuff together. Yes is not fair to you because you are left alone with the confinement lady whom is hired to care for you & baby. Regarding aircon, you may consider changing to ceiling fan so you can turn off the ceiling fan and change the baby diapers. For air-con even if you switch it off, the air is still cold. Regarding "me" time, as noted in your reply, he was working overseas. I believe he is trying to catch up with friends and etc too. This will happen for a few months more till he exhausted his catch up list. (Depending on how popular your husband is) Marriage counselling will help him set his prioritize right but this is common with first time father/husband. Regarding the intimacy, honestly even a wife is super hot but is a high conflict situation. I think the guy also no mood for it. (true story from a friend of mine whom married a crazy model) Have you heard of fight and flight response to stressful situation? Basically your husband is taking the flight response that is why he is avoiding you(not baby). If it was a fight response you would be ranting about violence and loud voices from him. With the above said, you aren't at fault too because being a first time mother is very stressful! Is best to seek marriage counselling to manage both parties expectation and hopefully save the marriage.

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If he has been working in a different time zone I think that it is only fair that he sleep a lot because he needs to get over jet lag and if that is his usual lifestyle then it is hard to change just because he is suppose to be more active. I think that u think that there is a lot of unfairness since the time u were pregnant and all these small things are culminating to create this big explosion. If u look carefully all these things are not VERY important. It just requires some thrashing out and adjustments of expectations. Did u tell him what u expect of him? As a husband? As a father? Did he tell u what he expect of u? As a wife? As a mother? The answers are v v different and it's only through open communication and negotiation that it can be worked out. And not just talk. Talk plus a few times of trying to change. Don't expect overnight change. Any small small improvement is still improvement. Parenthood is very much just mother doing everything for the first several months. If ur husband helps at all, it is worthy of compliment even if it looks like "he should do it because I..." there is no such thing as who shld do what - this concept of fairness is a plain lie in marriage and parenthood There is only communication and compromise. If u are not ok w something, find the chance to say it soon and not wait for some miraculous enlightenment to befall on ur husband because man can be pretty thick in the head sometimes

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I read your story and every of it feels likes what I went through. My husband even plan gathering at our place when my boy is a newborn. His family came over every other day and sit around for a very long period making noises talking and I couldn't even get a wink in the day. And his extended huge family of 13 families of aunties and uncles all took their turns to visit. Up till my boy is about 1 year plus then he help out with him. He brings him out downstairs to play so that I can have 30mins to myself to cook and clean. And he love to help by lying beside my boy's bed to 'put him to bed's but most of the he put himself to bed first. But this small help is also help to me. Some men are just slow especially those 'royal' only son of the family. Keep talking sense to your husband each time. Don't stress yourself out.

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Have you asked your hubby what he thinks of baby and his feelings? Is he afraid that he cannot be a good father therefore using sleep as a way of escape? Does he feel neglected? For all you know he might be jealous that baby gets all the attention and he is just a nobody; only when he is with you and his friends then he feels his presence matters and he exists.

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Does he go to work? Maybe he needs the downtime to recharge his battery? What about yourself? Do you work too? And why don't U just off the aircon when baby wakes up? If hubby want to sleep thru, he can. But it should not inconvenience you.

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6y ago

Well the thing is he was working overseas during the time I was pregnant and after I gave birth . When he comes back to visit us he is on leave for a few days but he couldn't even make the effort to be more proactive and help out during that pathetic few days he is around. The rest of the time when he is overseas he has his own me time, no baby to disturb him after work, no need to help me during weekend. He has all the me time he can have. I wasn't working until recently and even when I was wo

I would be terribly annoyed . Have you tried talking to him and asking him why he chose to go for supper or is he not aware that help is needed?

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ugh. think we had similar scenario. ugh. it sucks. and im just waiting to get that ultimate feel of tiredness to kick him out. srsly.

you are not alone. Communication and compromising has a big role to play.

ya that's the problem in Asia