Hi i need to rant about my husband . I find him very selfish and lazy. Our relationship went downhill so much after having a baby. Firstly it all started on the first night I came home from hospital. The confinement lady told him to get somethings and instead of going out in the day to buy he went out around midnight and took the chance to have supper with his friends and shop at ntuc . I had a c sect so I needed someone to help me up to pump milk and he wasn't around. After that in the first few months he will often sleep until noon even though our baby wakes at 8am. As we sleep with air con on, when I need to bathe the baby I need to move the baby to another room to change her. I tried to endure at first and hope he will change on his own but of course he did not. So I told him my frustrations. I think he did change in terms of waking a bit earlier to help. But he still sleeps late. It is not as if he helps a lot in the day or wakes at night to help me feed baby but yet he still wakes up after me and takes nap as and when during the day. He is permanently sleeping if I allow him to. Once a week I let our baby stay over at his mom's place so that we have some me time. He will arrange many activities during this one day and then I won't have time to do my chores like pack baby's stuffs or wash her things. If he help out maybe it is better but once baby is not around he will go back to his usual sleeping habit. He says he wants me time with me but he wakes up so late everyday and if we go out with friends where is the me time? We didn't even have any intimacy for a long time. Every time I am online searching for deals for diapers and wet wipes he is snoring away. But when it comes to arranging sessions to eat and play with his friends he takes the initiative I am so sick of him!!!

9 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

I'm unsure if I wanted to post this so I do it anonymously. Maybe is the approach. Sorry but to say your rant looks like a typical divorce affidavit for unreasonable behavior. If you have a confinement lady, she is meant to help you pump milk. Your husband most likely is trying to let out some steam by going out for supper and buying baby stuff together. Yes is not fair to you because you are left alone with the confinement lady whom is hired to care for you & baby. Regarding aircon, you may consider changing to ceiling fan so you can turn off the ceiling fan and change the baby diapers. For air-con even if you switch it off, the air is still cold. Regarding "me" time, as noted in your reply, he was working overseas. I believe he is trying to catch up with friends and etc too. This will happen for a few months more till he exhausted his catch up list. (Depending on how popular your husband is) Marriage counselling will help him set his prioritize right but this is common with first time father/husband. Regarding the intimacy, honestly even a wife is super hot but is a high conflict situation. I think the guy also no mood for it. (true story from a friend of mine whom married a crazy model) Have you heard of fight and flight response to stressful situation? Basically your husband is taking the flight response that is why he is avoiding you(not baby). If it was a fight response you would be ranting about violence and loud voices from him. With the above said, you aren't at fault too because being a first time mother is very stressful! Is best to seek marriage counselling to manage both parties expectation and hopefully save the marriage.

Read more