11 Replies
If all else fails, you might want to try this out instead :) While I agree it's probably just the terrible two stage, but it's equally important how you choose to react and respond! First of all, get down to their level. Meaning, squat down so that you have eye contact with your child at the same eye level of his - this helps them to understand that you are willing to pay attention to them and your focus is all on them. If it helps, get them to calm down or carry them before moving on so they would be listening to you too! Then, acknowledge his feelings. If your child can talk/express himself, that's great because you can immediately understand why he's acting that way and acknowledge it. If not, just talk to him in a way that is not scolding him - but helping to acknowledge what he's feeling. Something like "Are you feeling upset because ____? It's okay, there's no need to cry - Mummy/Daddy understands! ..." Then you explain yourself from there, "... but you cannot be throwing tantrums like that just because of ___." Explain why he isn't allowed to do whatever it is, and the most important step is to provide an ALTERNATIVE - it's the thing that most parents don't do, which causes more problems because you don't let them do what they want and they get frustrated, and they can't distract themselves of that thought/want = your toddler isn't gonna listen since all you're saying is just "no, you cannot do this. no, you cannot do that." What most people don't realise is that, kids are born without fear or knowing what "pain/danger" is! Let's say he wants to get a toy, but you don't have enough money/he has a ton of them at home already. He's throwing a tantrum so you try to calm him down (I usually carry my LO in my arms and say things like "Mummy needs you to calm down so Mummy can talk to you. Mummy can't understand you if you're screaming and crying.") before explaining yourself. Just go straight to it, there's no reason to hide - "Are you crying because you want to get the toy?" (leave some time to see his reaction) "Mummy knows you're upset but we already have a lot of cars at home and I'm sorry Mummy doesn't have enough money so we can't get that today." (provide an alternative or at least an expectation that you can actually fulfill) "Can we get (this other toy instead) or go to (another place to play that's free)?" or "Mummy promise to get it for you next week when Mummy have money okay?" And of course, whatever you promise, make it happen! It may sound like a lot, but this happens really quickly and our kids understand a lot more than we think!
when a kid turn 2, the whole world changed. emotions can be something very very over whelming to a two year old. what we meant by tantrum, is actually how they express themselves. also, they are mostly unable to verbalise well enough to express their feelings. my son don't take No at times, he will run and sit on the floor and cry. he knows it's not right to do that, but he can't control his emotions. and to me, that's ok! I let him cry and then ask him, why? he will looks at me puzzled at why he is feeling emotional. I will then walk towards him and squat next to him, hold his shoulders, look into his eyes and speak calmly. ask if he is feeling upset, and explain why he can't have his ways. I also taught him to tell himself to say ' It's ok, everything is alright' and he will tap his chest. or we will count 1-10 and take a deep breath together. or I will just distract him with other things. however, I feel it's necessary to identify his feelings and talk about it. after that, when he has forgotten about it, I will ask him about it during dinner, or before bedtime, we will chat about the incident. and he remembers. toddler needs constant reminders, and when they do remember, praise them, give them a hug or a kiss and tell them you are proud of them.
Sounds like terrible two! At this age, they do not know how to express themselves so they resort to throwing tantrums. Their young brains cannot handle extreme emotions. It is the time where they get a lot of "no" like no climbing, no running across the road alone etc and they probably don't like it. What you can do is ignore his tantrum. Do not acknowledge it unless he is hurting another person. Yelling or attempting to subdue with affection makes tantrums last longer. You can praise him when he didn't throw tantrum when you tell him "no". This behavior will gradually decrease as time passes by (around the age of 4) when they are more advance in their motor and language skills.
I know how exasperating this can be, but you know what, as most other moms said, this is absolutely normal :) at this age, your baby will learn more about wants and how to express needs. also, they learn about manipulating, and can choose the perfect places to throw a tantrum. stick to your NO. don't shout or hit at all, but when you say NO make sure you do not give in. start walking away, and gently call your baby to come along. say you will talk when you are home and when he stops crying. keep up the same behaviour and soon he will realize the tactics are not working. this is a phase :)
Ignore him mommy just take away the things that might hurt him while having tantrums. later on he will realize what he's doing is wrong or not all things that he wants he gets even if he cries on top of his lungs . . my daughter was like that when she was 2-3 every time she's having her tantrums i ignore her completely after she finished crying i gave her water and talked to her so she will understand that crying out loud will not do her any good.
Thanks mommy. That's what we've been trying to do but he's been crying for minutes. Think we've got to try harder. There are time when I manage to ignore him when we're just home, worst is when he does it when we're out.
How long has he been like that? If it's just recently, it could be a phase that he needs to go through but you have to help him by not allowing him to keep that attitude. I agree with Ana. Just ignore until he gets tired. He will know then that he can't get everything he wants.
I feel you :) My LO has the same behavior like your son. What we do is that we explain to him the things he should not do in a positive approach :) If you approach your son the other way around he'll be more aggressive. If you lose patience, take a breather :) Indeed a big help.
It's perfectly normal. They are at a terrible two stage. Which is what i am facing now with my younger son. I will be firm and talk to him first. IF he insist on his way, i will just walk away after telling him, let me know when you are done crying and throwing your temper.
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It’s very very normal with toddlers. I tend to just “distract”
Zherneth Lumanog