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I am a pampered and overprotected being the only child!I was brought up with too much discipline. Wasn't really allowed to go out with friends. A friends dad being in the police services, a constable followed me wherever I went. I was given a cell phone at 17 and started clubbing at 20 .There wasn't any open communication when I was growing up so a lot of curiosity led me to explore things from outside. Sex talks /education was a taboo.(still is )I was spanked too...There wasn't proper reasoning given for anything I asked them.So they ended up being parents when they could have been friends :)My child will be allowed to ask anything and will be given the logical answers. Be it a boy or girl- sex education will be imparted to them at early stage. I will also teach them to drink so that they do not get carried away, drunk and taken advantage of...So my kids will explore and I'll be watching their back to see they are safe and sound always !
I was raised in the Philippines.When my mom gets mad,she hits me a couple of times with anything (broomstick/duster stick/hanger and all of the above)and will never sit down and explain why she had to discipline me.When my son gets antsy...I give him a time out (stand facing the wall in the corner)I let him cry and when he calms down I sit beside him and explain why I had to call him out for his wrongdoing...kiss and hug after the conversation and he’s like a brand new kid again.So far this method is working for my little dude.Also my Mom leave us with House helpers, as I grow up I never have a close bond with my mother.She’s a stay at home Mom but loves to be with her circle of friends all the time.Im the total opposite of her,Im a SAHM but prefer to be a hands on Mom to my son since day 1 and I prioritize my husband and son over my “Amigas”.
One thing that I didn’t particularly enjoyed that my mother when I was a kid was when my mother “badmouth” me to her friends or relatives (in front of me). For instance, when others praised me for being well mannered, she will go: “no la! You should see her when she’s at home.. *spills embarrassing details of a certain tantrum episode*”. I’m sure the intention was not to put me down and more likely to be humble (perhaps?) in front of others or it’s just something that Asian parents do. But as a kid, I always hoped that there is a hole for me to disappear into. "What happens at home should stay at home." was my thought then. Haha. Well, I can’t guarantee that I won’t be doing that in future (since I supposed it’s quite ingrained in me now), but it sure left a deep impression.
My parents never did quite trusted me. I was pretty active in my school's volleyball team and we had intensive trainings 3 times a week in a JC. Trainings usually start at about 3pm and ends at 830pm. We'd shower, have dinner then go home. So by the time I'm home, it's maybe 11pm or so. My dad used to accuse me of going clubbing (lol), using volleyball as an excuse even after I said you could always picked me up (he said I can always "pretend" to be at trainings and come from somewhere else) and it got so bad until one day I really went all rebellious. My parents are also divorced and they used to badmouthed each other. Now that I am too going through a divorce, I wouldn't do the same but rather let him find out himself.
My parents didn't buy the idea of having extra-curricular activities is important to a child's development. I wanted to enrol in different sports before and even attend music classes, but they said our house is far from school or that engaging in those activities are not really important. But as for me, I will support my child in whatever activity he/she would like to engage in because I believe that academics is not just the sole part of a child's development. There's so much more outside the walls of a classroom.
I won't spoil them too much. I was never "grounded" for anything. Not because I didn't do anything worth being grounded for but I think my parents just wanted to shield me too much from any form of suffering--which is a good thing but as an adult I realize that they were lacking in the "tough love" department. They meant well but I think I needed a stronger hand to be more disciplined. I'll push my kids to be more assertive, too. And to not be afraid to speak their minds, even if a topic seems odd or taboo.
Growing up in a Malay family, you were definitely brought up to think that you were 'born' into a religion, which is not true. I felt that it wasn't very healthy being subjected to a religion or religious practices that you were not able to choose and having to make decision for yourself as a child on the basis 'God does not allow that' can be incredibly confusing as a child. So religious and spiritual belief is something that I would let them choose on their own.
Caning. My parents used to chase my brother and I around with a cane to beat us whenever we misbehave or used to threaten us. I feel it isn't very effective because it's just cultivating fear. Once the kid grow old, this fear disappears. So I went with respectful parenting instead, constantly talking to my kid, have a 2 way communication and teach him to have respect for one another. It's a long term solution I guess.
My parents tried to enroll me in too many extra curricular activities instead of doubling down on those that I excelled it. For example they put me in classical dance for 6 years and piano for 8 years and art classes for 4 years, drama for 6 years, Badminton for 2, tennis for 2 and Swimming for 5-6 years. I loved drama class, tolerated Swimming and hated everything else. Wish they had just put me in drama and Swimming
Looking back i was beaten by my father to the point where i couldn't sit, punched in the face till i bled, i still have the phyiscal scars, told i wasn't his son and criticised on everything i do. I made a promise to never hit my children or make them feel like that EVER. I noticed my father is a narcissist at a young age so i just keep away from him as much as possible.