Hi, I am 7 to 8 months pregnant. Just need to rant out how I feel... I start to worry about labour pain as I decided to opt for normal delivery as I heard a lot of side effect on epidural, but I don't know if I can even handle the labour pain (I have low tolerance for pain) I also worry that how my in laws will be involving in my life. I kind of hate it when my FIL and SIL only asked about baby and how they going to pamper him when he is out. But the whole pregnancy I was taken care by my own family and my in laws they did nothing at all.. I feel really sad when they only care about the baby that's why I worry after I give birth I have no control over my own baby. My SIL, she is single and like to involve herself in my husband life. She tell my husband to ask me to endure the normal delivery without using anything anesthetic or else he have to pay more money. She is more worry about her brother spend on my labour. I just get so irritated by my In laws. I did not tell my husband because I don't want him having a hard time between his family and me. So I get myself feeling so lost, worry and sad. Sorry for the long post. I just need to rant it out.
Dear, try to set aside some times and have a discussion with your husband. list out the point that worries you and discuss why u feeling this way and how can it be solved. You need to find someone to support you in this journey..not only during pregnancy but also during post-partum (after giving birth). Post Natal Depression is scary and may lead to other major problems. You may also share your concern with your gynae. But husband should be the best supporter. If you are really into natural birth, you may want to join a natural birthing class to gain more knowledge on how to relax during labour. I know some doula will held the class on september such as below: 1. Fourtrimesters - http://www.fourtrimesters.com/our-team/doula-ginny-phang/ 2. Yaqyn Birth - https://yaqynbirth.com/ Im not saying that natural birth wont be painful but with knowledge it will ease your labour. With knowledge you will produce more oxytocin which needed in labour. You may opt for epidural too if you think you can't handle it. Trust your body. As for the in laws, i think we all mother went through the same things. Its very hard to stop others when they are toooooo excited. Its ok, let them be but of cos you can be strict when it comes to parenting/giving birth. heeee~ For me, i dont like to argue but i usually take my baby, apologize saying it time for his/her milk or sleep and walk out. Family is still important no matter how ridiculous their behavior is. You may want to watch this video to boost your confidence by one of Singapore doula: https://youtu.be/szjuwyJPB8A All the best dear :)Read more
Hi i can understand how you feel...i gave birth yo my daughter close to 3 weeks ago. I had somewhat the same experience as you do. During pregnancy, my in laws almost didnt care abt how i feel, only think about the baby. Always push the responsibility to my mum’s side. For example, we don’t cook at home so they always ask me go back to my mum’s place to eat home cooked food etc. as they dunno what to prepare for me to 补. But my first trimester my morning sickness was very bad. And although my mum’s place is only few bus stops away, i still feel tired to travel. I also worried about labour etc when my due date was nearing. I actually did not want epidural if possible. From my experience, epidural helps alot and for me there are no side effects. I have low pain tolerance as well. I already could not take the pain when i was 2-3cm dilated so i decided i had to take epidural. It is really a life saver as i did not feel any pain after that (even during pushing) i was able to have strength to push and able to recover faster post delivery. Yes, initially i also don’t want epidural cos extra money, about $1k? But rly some money cannot be saved... don’t care ur SIL she didnt go thru pregnancy and wont be going thru the labour of cos she wont understand. In laws issue is like cannot be avoided one la. Like for now, my issues with in laws are about how to take care and handle my newborn daughter. They are over protective of her while my husband and me have our own thinking and ways. Just rant it out and move on... divert your attention to your baby!Read more
Hi, coming from 2 labor experiences I have to say it’s just a phase! I endured 9cm dilation without the effect of epidural. What else could I do? Just scream it out lor. Life is not all about labor pains. It’s temporary. I also think labor pains are not your real worry. Dun let the mil and sil stress you out. I know it’s easy to say. This is YOUR pregnancy, not theirs. Try to enjoy this while it lasts. Honestly being pregnant, although has its miserable streak, is actually a wonderful experience. Some want to get pregnant oso cannot. Try to keep positive mind because being negative/depressed will also affect baby. Take a deep breath and search for breathing exercise online. Good for stress and birth later lehhh. Rant it out, cry it out if it can make you feel better. I did cry during pregnancy when I felt down and by crying it out I felt better afterwards! Life is short (esp suddenly got this stupid Cov.. who would expect this?). Don’t dwell much on negativity. Fight your bad mood away your way.Read more
I was also afraid of losing control over baby and there were some tension with in laws over baby as well. But i always tell myself im the mother so i make the call, it's MY body, MY child. Must be firm but give them fair share of time to bond w baby. It's always great and a blessing to have people doting on your child. After that bonding time, time to return to mummy. A routine will help. I can understand why u dont want to share with ur hubby, u r such a sweetheart. But i feel that hubby is our companion and love for life and most importantly he is also part of this family u are building. Telling him is not to give him a hard time but is to let him understand ur feelings and help u out in any way as part of this family. He got to play a part. U dont have to complain to him every single time of course. U will feel better after telling and wont feel alone in this.Read more
I understand how you feel and agree with Siti's suggestion. It is common to feel anxious about your upcoming birth if you are not mentally prepared. Often, we hear so much about the horror stories of others and it often put more fear in you. Let other's birth experience be theirs and put your focus on preparing to welcome your baby in a safe and gentle way. You can consider learning relaxation techniques to ease the pain. Not every woman experience labour pain. Some describe their feeling as a tightening sensation. These are the women who put their focus on welcoming their baby with love. HypnoBirthing and Bradley method of childbirth can be helpful. You and your husband can learn as a team to welcome your precious little one into your arms and enjoy your labour. All the best to you.Read more
Agree that you should have a chat with your husband. Maybe you don't have to expect him to give you a solution, but at least he gets a chance to know how you feel and what you are thinking. When your husband is troubled, I'm sure you want him to tell you instead of keeping it to himself right? As for your MIL and SIL, on the bright side, you know that they will dote on your child after he's born! People do change after the arrival of a new family member. I did not really like my MIL too before my first child was born, but after he was born, my MIL did change for the better and I deeply appreciate that she loves my son and willingly takes care of him. The hormonal changes may make you more emotional than before. Hang in there!Read more
Hi, same here. My baby is 3MO but I still get really annoyed with my MIL especially. She has the key to my place so she comes by sometimes. She never ever knocks on my door and sometimes I'll be just wrapped in a towel(I take a shower with my baby) or breastfeeding. Barely doing anything during my pregnancy, suddenly she thinks that her traditional opinions matter, passing unnecessary comments ALL THE TIME about me being a mother. It gets to me most of the time , but I tell myself that, it's something we don't really have a control over (we knew this since the day we decided to get married I guess) and we just have to accept it unless they really piss you off, then I have no qualms about telling them off.Read more
Hi! I am an anesthesiologist. I can assure you an epidural is going to be very helpful when you are in labor. An epidural anesthesia is generally safe. You need to tell your husband about it because only he can talk to his family and set boundaries. Good luck with your deliveryRead more
hi just wanna ask you. will they off the epidural when its time to push?
Why you in laws are so kaypoh. U can talk about it with your hubby explain how u feel & how u want it to be. He should understand u better than his family.
Same, after birth we become the second fiddle, its very normal. I have to tell myself to be strong for baby, my child my say. Period.