Living with in laws

Just wanted to gain some perspective... I live with my parents in law and have a 5mo baby~ She is an easy baby and doesn't really cry much, very easy to take care. Sleeps through the night also, so we don't really need to adjust our own schedule to baby for anything. I have a pretty good relationship with in laws, but some things they do very irritating... like I know it is out of good will, but like I just can't wrap my head around it and can't feel better no matter how I think about it Like for example baby sometimes will cling onto me and lie on my chest, then when I bring her out to living room, in laws will literally pry her fingers open from my clothes and carry her over, just because they want to hold her Or like when I bring her out to living room so she can play with rest of family, they always like insist "I take care you go rest". But like (1) I don't need the rest? And (2) I don't really want to leave my baby alone with them.. but cannot really say anything because I don't want my husband to be in difficult position. My husband not at home one time and in law before going out to buy dinner tell me don't shower baby until she come back in case i cannot handle.. (????? Then forever we need more than 2 people to take care of the kid at home meh). These things don't usually happen when my husband is home because he is fierce and they don't do it to him... because I keep trying to protect my husband's feelings also, I feel like they think I am a pushover (which in all other parts of my life I don't have any issue establishing boundaries assertively one) I feel angry sometimes because I don't like these things happening, but afterwards also feel guilty and wonder if I am being petty or over protective because I still want my baby to have a community... Has anyone had the same experience? --- edit: thank you everyone for sharing your experience, perspectives and advice 🙏 I feel a lot more relieved as I am reminded that my feelings are valid, and that I can still establish my boundaries - especially in a polite way! Have also taken steps to share w HB and he has spoken up to family when necessary.

Anonymous

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I know it All too well. Have been in your position and I struggle when they overstep my boundaries. My stand is “leave the parenting to the parents”. I feel a lot of emotions when such incidents happen to me, wondering if I’m too protective or too sensitive. But my feelings are valid too - because I’m my baby’s mother. These are natural instincts that kick in when your baby gets taken away. I’ve shared my feelings with my husband too. I can’t say that he is 100% on my side because after all that’s his parents. But on my end I have vocalized what I needed to. I don’t have an answer for you now, but all I can say is your husband needs to know what you’re feeling. And it’s something that, as parents, you need to work out what’s best for your nucleus family and the baby. All the best!!

YUPPPO I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!! Exavtly what i went thru. Just leave my baby alone lahhh always want to carry. When i live with in law, esp when my husband not at home, i always stay inside bedroom. Nope your husband has to know. He has to know from the time it begins. Not until you cannot taham then you tell him. Anyways, i moved out lol cause i cannot tahan she always hog my baby always want to carry, never respect me as a my baby’s mother, give unsolicited advises, everythinf want to join in.

Same thing happened here. But there is another thing you can try is to let them totally handle your baby, for a period of time, they will not touch your baby anymore. When somebody wants the baby so much the others will want to snatch too. When not anymore, they will just go away. Also, husband need do his job to tell his family not too overly get to the baby. Mummy needs bonding with baby. Is mummy’s baby, not your baby. So please tell them do the right thing. Respect please.

VIP Member

use the same tactic on them. "don't worry, you rest. I'll take care of the baby". " oh I'm not tired, it's okay the baby is comfortable. but thanks!" and walk away before they can grab him. soon they will get the point. also talk to your husband if its really getting to you. better to communicate than let it fester otherwise everything little they do will soon annoy you

once I became a mum, I stop car8ng abt peoples feelings. be assertive and polite. Refuse their request nicely next time. I bet they too wouldnt dare to object to you

TapFluencer

do share this with ur hb 💕

Home Just Mums wanted gain some perspective i live with parents in law have 5mo baby