what should I do?

This is probably a rant or sharing post but I feel really stuck with. I'm living with my in-laws, and our BTO will be ready by 2022. Back story is, I was accused of stealing from my in-laws before and the item was found (thankfully!). My concern now is, I'm not sure of my in-laws are pushing me or they're just impatient but the young people around us (ie, hubby cousin, in-laws' boss's kids) have given birth one after another, and recently my mil started cooking herbal soup for me and even went to the temple to pray to guanyin. My in-laws are those super annoying and kaypo type of folks, they even want to comment on what I had for dinner (when I was cooking) and help themselves to my food when I'm done cooking like just a bite that kind, and all sort of comments will surface like need to add what seasoning blablabla. Sometimes will say unhealthy like come on, maybe buy for me ah next time. I dont know, it makes me feel really out of place and definitely get on my nerves a lot. My mil like to say let nature takes its course but yet she's cooking soup, and keep feeding me information about pregnancy and childbirth. It was an easy experience for her, not much pain, gave birth within 30mins when she arrived in the hospital but my mom and everyone else around me had a hard time, and the fact that everyone is different she dont get it. I told my husband, if I ever get pregnant tell your mom to leave me alone as much as she can, these actions really stresses me out. I dont want anyone to visit me if I ever gave birth, I dont want unnecessary comments from your mom teaching me what to do. I want to be left alone with the baby, I'm gonna lock our room door. I understand she's concerned or impatient but she had her time. It's my time when it's my turn so let me do my thing alone. She wouldn't like it if her mil did that to her as well right? (Which she told me before, she was lecturing my husband as a kid and his grandma cut in, she told my husband grandma off as well.) I told my parents all of it and they were mad, but remained cool unless my in-laws really push it. All they told me was as long as my husband takes my side, I'm all good. No point having good in-laws if husband is trash. But still, I cannot forget the unpleasantness of being accused and now you expect me to give you grandchildren?

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I think it's quite common for in law problem. Mine was quite horrible. When me and my hub plan to get married my mil step in and stir s*** till the extend I told everyone call off the wedding. When my hub is around and when he's not is totally different. It was my hub that made me carry on the wedding after he spoke to my mil. But things didn't last long. Soon after wedding I found I'm pregnant the first thing came out from my pil was hope is a boy. End up is girl. My treatment was like s*** from then. Food they prepare for a pregnant lady was fried luncheon meat, onion egg and a veg. FYI they are quite rich who owes 2 private property one landed and one condo. My hub lost his job while I'm pregnant and only manage to find a new job after I give birth so my pil didn't pay a single cent to my check up and delivery. It was me and my family who paid. I was asked to go home to do confinement. After my baby came out my mil want to take my baby away from me. Everything was so drama, my hub back then believe in every s*** my mil told him. But things got better after my hub spoke to me. Cos I refuse to go back and stay with them. Now me and my hub don't stay tgt cos our house not here yet. But things got so much better. Me and my hub nearly divorce cos my pil. My suggestion to you don't stay with them. Now both you and your hub don't have issue but long term run definitely one day will have some. A word from my experience.

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4y ago

Yes!

in laws r the worst.. I had so many problems w my mil after I gave birth. up till today although things r SLIGHTLY better. she still tries to boss me arnd and tell me what's good for my baby. she always talks as tho she is the mother of my child. she always will say she brought up her sons this way I shld follow too bc she knows what best. but times have change lor, can u believe she tried to make porridge w SALT AND SEASONING for my 5mth old baby. she nv even blend the solid okk???? srsly I got so mad. can't do much until I move out in 2022/2023. hais so many things I swallow alr for the sake of my husband. my mil drama queen one will complain to her husband and my husband make a big fuss and tell my husband she v disappointed in him bc he side me rather her. then make my husband stress and unhappy say why me as wife cannot get along w his mother. but Pls lor, she dont even let me go home and stay leh what girl marry into guy family means I'm theirs alr. then make big hooha with my mother. my husband dont see that all the problems and arguments I had w him is all caused by HIS MOTHER. sometimes I feel my husband still mommy boy. hais hin ah

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4y ago

-hugs- I feel you. Although my pil are not as drama but they talk behind our backs and say that married sons are like that, after married belongs to the wife alr no more heart for parents. My husband just ignore their hurtful comments and he feel since that's how you all feel then all the more he shouldn't put them in his heart anymore. Whatever he do, it will be for me and our kids in future. And my pil think like yours. Stay strong!

VIP Member

Oh no! I understand how you feel! I believe when you get pregnant, these feelings will grow even more.. before I was pregnant, I barely manage to get along with my MIL.. when I was pregnant, I really didn't want to even look at her or have conversation with her... I was on birth control until I knew we were gonna move out soon. And was 8 weeks pregnant when we moved out.. even when heavily pregnant, I'd rather be home alone than to have my in laws come over to "look after" me... now my lo is 3 months old, been caring for her on my own and I've been refusing help from in laws just so that I can avoid their so called advices.. once a week we go back and visit them, then just tahan.. few hours only.. My reason for this is to protect my marriage.. avoid all those arguments that I know surely will happen due to different way of looking after babies.. would advise you to do the same, prevent all the stress and anger and frustrations

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4y ago

End up my hub tell her if have then have, cannot control birthing unless I use birth control or what. Then she nothing to say because she knows she wants to be promoted to grandma also.

I dont have problem with my MIL but my own Mom. I would rather not be in the same house as her as she always has something to complain or unhappy about. From bedroom habits -> cooking habits -> toilet habits -> overall cleaning habits cos she has OCD or very bad menopause. It was very stressful to be nagged daily and have someone complaining non-stop, it really was torturing me and my siblings mentally. I have had moved out 2 years ago as Im married and am free from her nonsense! My house has been so peaceful 🥰 Please do consider to move out and rent a place if you are able to... Sometimes things really dont work even when you put in effort to accommodate, it doesnt get better, it gets worse.. Be neutral with her at the moment and try not to take what she says into heart. Be inactive when shes talking. Good luck!

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4y ago

@B my husband tells me to one ear in one ear out because WE are the parents, not them. WE decide, not them. As long as didnt disrespect them can alr.

If After have one ask for another one Isit... When don't have will ask for one after got one ask for second one. Mine was like that, just got one and less than a month ask me for second one. Told me children age nearer better... I'm the one give birth in pain) : but I hack care one... My body I know it well. You mil Isit as long got grandchild either girl or boy also can?

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4y ago

She have the mindset like I must follow her footsteps. My hub and his brother is 3year gap so she hoping it will be like that for us also. But I'm not gg to listen to her, initially we wanted 2 kids but now hub and i decided we'll just have 1, the second one we'll decide again in future. We see a few people around us, the second kid didnt make the first one happy but create a lot of problem for the first one, so we felt pity for the first one.

Its your life your decisions.. If anybody's interfering then just ignore and tell them politely it's your body ..and you know your best interests... P.S Sometimes not reacting is the best way of saying no.. Try to keep yourself busy and do what makes you happy..

4y ago

Thank you for the advice

By now you'd have realised that getting married and having children is not simply a matter between your spouse and yourself. I'd say that most elderly folks are like that. They r caring for you in their own quirky (not to mention frustrating) ways, albeit unasked for more often than not. Best thing u can do is ask your husband to communicate with your parents in law, and move out the min Ur BTO is ready. Living together will always cause friction.

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Hug hug.

4y ago