Falsely accused

How would you deal/react after being falsely accused by your mother-in-law for stealing? We stay with his family after marriage while waiting for our BTO (coming soon in 2022), and through this period of time, a series of items becomes missing from his family like headphones, Starbucks vouchers, jewellery, portable chargers, even my own thumbdrive containing my sensitive data like passport details and NRIC details. Ever since the first item went missing (headphones), my mother-in-law started to suspect I'm the one who takes their things which unfortunately cannot be found under my possession especially since my husband is a civil servant. All other items started to go missing one after another and my mother-in-law continues to suspect me, locking her wardrobe, trying to hide things from my sight, sometimes even trying to snoop into our room on the pre-text of vacuuming our room. The last item that went missing was a gold necklace and she dragged my husband out of the room to fill him about the "crime scene" and she didn't seem to believe us when we said we have no idea there was even a gold necklace because it was never worn and we don't know what it look like. She started to ask me if I am the one who took any of the missing items and if I did, she will forgive me and not make a big thing of it, and all I had to do was to take 1 or 2 of those missing items out. I was dumbfounded and of course theres nothing for me to admit to. All of a sudden she started to cry and said she's sorry for falsely accusing me all these while. Right now I have no idea how I'm supposed to face his folks, it's so fucking awkward. I can't act like this didn't happen and be my normal self around them (we used to talk, joke around like friends) and for days now we don't talk or even look one another in the eye at all.

Anonymous

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It sounds like you do enjoy the times together, before the incident, and you would like to return to that atmosphere. It's frustrating when I lose something or simply forgot where I put stuff. That she cried and admitted to falsely accusing you, it seems, to me, that your MIL is stressed about the missing stuff. It's possible she's uncomfortable with how her perception of you changed since the incident. I falsely accused my SIL once for using my shoes, which turned out to be a misunderstanding. I wrote a letter of apology and we're back to normal now. Older folks may not outright apologise; if she does something for you, which is nicer than usual, that could be her expressing her apology and her wish to revert to old times. BIG HUGS. I hope things work out for you!

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Anonymous

5y ago

Thank you, Denise! You advices were of great help (:

This doesnt sound logical. So many things missing. Is she forgetful ? That she misplaced them. Or is it an act that she hide all the items and pushed the blame to you. I wont be surprised that in-laws do that out of hatred of women stealing their son away from them.

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Anonymous

5y ago

I cant wait to move in 😄

VIP Member

Think you give it some time to cool things first. I believe your mil know that she shouldn’t hve doubt you. Perhaps help see if u can find the thief who have been stealing?

Anonymous

5y ago

Somehow we believe is the individual members of the family have misplaced the items themselves. Because my MIL's colleagues have told me that she is quite forgetful and often makes mistakes in her work despite being with them for more than 10 years, especially recently. We didn't know the the missing necklace belongs to my husband brother because he was never a fan of accessories and we've never seen it before or know it exists (even if we saw it, we'd think it's fake. A gold necklace lying around in plain sight? So out of place!).. and when my thumbdrive was missing, my MIL merely said "oh you have so much stuff, you should try look around again." And I just replied that I throw away many of my stuff, and I've been looking around for a few days that's why I decided to ask if you've seen it.

Phew.. i'll feel awkward too.. my personal choice will be to move out and get a rented place... sometimes distance is better for the sake of relationship

Anonymous

5y ago

Hi Candy, I do entertain that idea of moving out too but I don't wish to cause distress to my husband because he did try to make things better by telling his mom that she will always be his mom but it is not ok for him to falsely accuse me of stealing. I didn't want him to feel like he is constantly forced to choose between wife and mom even though he already felt that way many times (me trying to reduce this tendency and his mom trying to push her nose into our business everytime).

VIP Member

This is indeed an awkward situation! Do try and make peace since you are all staying under one roof!

Anonymous

5y ago

Hi Jasmine, Ya I understand but I'm unable to act like this didn't happen. It's so awkward. We just don't talk for now, like giving each other space. And we'll forge a distance between us if we're in the same space..