19 Replies
Hi mummy, you are not alone. I have been a sahm for 3 years. It is tough that we do not have extra help from family members. However, practices make perfect. I realised it was very upset and tough in the beginning where I just quitted my job, i.e. no own pocket money, loaded with housework, facing my kids alone at home, no personal time. However, as time goes by, I am more hands on when bringing kids (toddler and baby) out alone. Normally, I will use baby carrier which helps me a lot. My husband was posted to China for work for 1 year in 2013 when my son just turned 2 months old. It was the toughest period for me to deal with emotional and kids alone. I am glad that I joined some mummies chat group in whatsapp and facebook (e.g. west group mummies support group) and their supports and comforts helped me to pull through my lonely and tough period. E.g. sometimes I park my kids at one of the mummies' house when I really can't bring my kids alone. Also, neighbors' help will be another plus point if you have any. As for the husband's help in the house, you can discuss with your husband about what you feel and what are the things that you wish him to help in, e.g. housework and taking care of baby. For my husband, he is not a hands-on daddy to start with. I slowly let him handle 1 kid alone like 30mins and extend the duration. After years, he becomes more hands-on and can play with kids very well. Also, you can try to let your husband to tuck your baby to sleep at night and I feel it helps in the bonding with baby, e.g. bedtime story, bedtime songs and etc.
I've made friends from FB group, SAHM WFHM. And we have whatsapp groups. Main group and also group chats within your area. We share tips, life, jokes etc. My hubby is a Uber driver and he works 14 hours daily, no off/leave. I rarely see him. I always encourage him to drop by home if he's nearby unfortunately most of the time its not. We connect by sending videos and photos thru whatsapp. You can make your time more enjoyable by having moments with your child and sharing it with your hubby. We video call from time to time too. I haven't cut/dye my hair since before cny. I don't have mani/pedi. And i haven't been dental for ages. There were times i brought my son to do grocery shopping, and he cried like mad half way and all the walk back home. I felt like dying. But all this isn't exactly that important. What matters is the family. Keep it strong.
I can feel you especially when husband is not around. when need help, also quite tough. luckily i purposely move nearer to my parents' house, hoping they can help me when i need them for a few hours. i always make sure they are well fed before i send to them to help me for 1-2 hrs. actually in fact, you can join sahm groups in facebook and also join their whatsapp groups. i joined west area as i get to connect with them, meet up for lunch when I feel lonely, we always support each other whenever we feel down. sometimes some mummies are really nice to help you out especially tompang us to buy during sales or babysit. go to facebook to search for sahm groups. i am sure you can find them.
I'm with you. My mil passed away and mom isn't in good health and passed away recently. I've been taking care of my girl alone usually. My husband works till late too. For dental appointment maybe you can try talking to him to follow along so he can at least carry the child while you're doing it, at least till you're done. It took me almost a year before I went salon. I babywear my daughter so I could get my hair done. Bring along pram in case you need to cut your hair. Keep going, you can do it. It just takes time. You can talk to me or other mummies if you're feeling alone. We can even meet up too!
Even hubby comes back, he should spend some time bonding with the baby. This is important as you are the one bonding usually. Regarding salon, you can still beautify yourself but when you really have the time else going for a haircut should be ok. Have someone to look after for you a while. An hour or two should be more than enough. As for your dental appointment, get your husband to go along with you and the baby. They can don't be inside and just wit for you outside the clinic. In this way, father and baby get bonding time as well.
You are not alone. Yes, being a SAHM is never easy however, it will be paid off. Not to worry. I always try to do activities that I can have with my baby around. Avoid those that you can't have baby ard so that you don't feel otherwise. Be positive. You want to go to a salon, avoid it and tell yourself that you are saving a great deal of $$. Dental appointment - no choice. I believe your hubby can help like 1-2 hrs ya. Do a quick one and if possible nearby. Else get him to go with you.
Me too all jy kids i bring up singlehandedly noone ever help me and at that time even when i sent them to the childcare i couldnt afford it.Actuall theres a way maybe u can disscuss with ur hubby.for me and my hubby usuall he will helps me care during night time..even when kid wakes up we will cox back to sleep..when i ask he says he understands that i am tired..now we hav been married for nearly 21 year aand hes been doing that till our 4th kid.
i feel you i am a SAHM too but you need to talk to hubby to help you out. Parenting is a shared responsibility and he is bound to do and share task with the kids. You can start even for just 1-2hrs every weekend to give yourseld a ME time. btw, i have three children 7yo, 2 yo and 6mos old and i dont have a helper. don't worry mommy, your hubby will help you out just be open and communicate well with him.
I'm a sahm to 2boys. and my hub often have to leave for work since he's working under govt job. he has been away for almost 3mths before for work when I'm pregnant with #2. and away for 1mth when #2 is barely even 4mths old... I still goes to salon as I will place him in the pram. I bring all the things that I need just in case he poo or needs to drink milk. I know it's not easy but press on...
is it alright to bring LO to salon whereby they need to breathe in those chemical stuff ? im always in a struggle in this decision
Same here. I have 3 young kids. I had not went for any hair treatment/ rebonding session since I had my first child almost 4.5 yrs ago. I had toothache and wisdom teeth started growing since I was expecting 2nd child and they are now giving me problems but I can't go to the dentist as I have noone to look after my kids.
Eliza Shen