I agree with your husband. Just don't care. But I know that's hard to do especially since your own mother seems to not care as well about how you feel. Have you tried confronting her? Try to have a serious conversation and find out why she doesn't seem to approve of you. As for your brother's girlfriend, just be civil toward her. If you love your brother, then you should respect his choice for a partner. Just behave around her and don't give that girlfriend anymore fodder to tell your mother. I'm sorry that you're in this situation.
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