13 Replies
I have three kids and the amount of guilt I go through for showing my anger is immense. I mean you can understand how many times one would lose one's temper.It was difficult with my first born because for her it was the first thing to deal with it and for me as well. But for the other two, they grew up seeing it a regular thing or I would say something that happened with the first one or with both the elder ones. I think there is no other way then acceptance. I always accept losing my temper to be a bad thing and apologise to my kids. This has worked too. I tell them that I too am a human being and like sometimes they get irritated and angry with me or things, same way I also get angry, and of course which is not a right thing, and I am working upon it. And I seek their help to control my anger. Conversation not only helps overcome my guilt but it has also helped me actually keep a tab on my temper.
I cane my children when they made me super angry, My husband is the moderator. He felt that they are just children and should not be caned. I was so guilty but later I hugged them and told them why mummy was so angry and many a time, they understood coz the acts they were doing, were dangerous. So, i think they must know that we care and love them and not anyhow be angry with them. I show them by hugging them and explaining.
Yes... it's good to also express the feelings.. we tend to think that keeping it in is the way to go, but actually, when you share your own feelings, they have the example and can share too. e.g. "I'm feeling angry that you are not listening to me. " Then you can tie it to when they feel angry e.g. "You probably feel angry when your friend takes your toys from you."
the first thing i do is sit down next to them and say sorry. then i always extend my hand and give them a big hug and lots of kisses. there are many times that i feel guilty for losing my temper or showing anger in some way, but i always own up to it and tell my kids that i am sorry and i should not have done it.
I say, "sorry" to my daughter, and accept that I got too much angry which I should not have been. I speak to her, and ask for her forgiveness. She forgives me after turning her face off me for a few times, and we make peace. I also promise her that next time mamma will try to control her anger.
Many times I will cuddle them tight in their sleep and say sorry. But as they get older they understand the situation more. I will wait till I calm down and apologise to them. It is also to educate them that it's ok to say sorry!
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Most of the time ill apologise. I have lost it so many times. And ill tell him im sorry i was not correct for doing blah blah blah. Can i give you a hug please.
The best way is to lead by example. If you are feeling apologetic, you need to apologize to your child. Especially if you made a mistake.
I keep trying and telling myself not to beat him or spank his backside when he made me so angry