14 Replies
As you can imagine there are a lot of factors that influence your parenting style. For instance, merely saying that someone is a strict, authoritarian parent because he or she wasn't unconditionally loved as a child might have some elements of truth in it. However, it is too simplistic as entire cause for being a certain type of parent. Why? Because not all children with similar backgrounds become the same type of parents! There are many more factors at play in the creation of a parent's style of parenting than e.g. childhood love. Here is a list of some of the most important factors that in some way shape or form determine your way of parenting: Your type of adherence to the dominant cultural paradigm and mainstream discourse Your socioeconomic status and potentially your ethnic background Your parents' parenting style Your child's temperament and personality Your temperament and personality Your level of awareness As you can imagine, each person has various combinations of these factors which makes determining the reason for practicing a specific style very complex.
Yes and I think I will refrain from being the same style I was brought up in. When I was young I was always scolded for not doing well enough in school (even though I was). My dad would put academics in the highest priority and I would always feel inferior about myself. Now that I have a baby myself I just want to shower her with all the love that I did not feel from my parents. I know they loved me, just in a different way. I would not expect her to be the best in school. I would be happy if she is and I would not force any of my opinions on her. I would discipline adequately but not without reason.
Yes. I love my mother's superb patience on me throughout these years. Although she beat me using cane on me when I was really rebellious, I doubt she used it more than 10 times. I wish I can be as patience as her when I am disciplining my own children. However, I will not repeat some approaches that my mother has used e.g. never ask me to do housework :) For me, I wish to raise independent and responsible kids since they are still young instead of waiting until they grow up, starting with simple housework since young is a good start.
Not really. I guess it because I know how it's feels like to be brought up that way. I was pretty rebelious and my parents never took the time to know me. It was more authorative than anything else. With my kids I hope that they will be comfortable enough to confide in me even for the smallest thing. I guess you can say I learnt from my parents' parenting style and know what would I like to feel.
Sometimes, even though i never want to be like my mum. She was not a good role model then, neither is she now. But i try my best to remember how i felt when she was nasty. If you sound like your mum in a positive way, why not. Thats good influence. Otherwise it does naturally impact our parenting style. They were our role models after all.
I am sure there are some similarity as time goes by. As much as we like to differentiate ourselves from those we "dislike" but we cant help it.. some how its ingrain into our thought process.. some say its genetics. We would carry over some good and not so good things
definitely yes, upbringing plays a big role in how you turn out as a parent. my parents taught me that no matter what you go through in life, you can always make it work out as long as you have your family close by. this helps me overcome any challenges.
Yes my upbringing has clearly shaped me - but I have cherry picked the best of the way I was raised and implemented it to my life - so I have been pretty self aware and deliberate about what Values I want to inculcate in my kids
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my mother never shouted at me or hit me ever, and so i have learned to be a patient and understanding parent, one who never raises her hand on kids