IFC or MIL?

Hi, need some advise from mummies who face this issue before. My LO will be going to IFC next week, turning 3months in 2weeks time. Previously decided to put him in IFC because no one can help take care of him when im back to work. However, recently my MIL told us that she got retrenched and she offered to help take care. Im in dilemma whether to put him in IFC or withdraw him and pass him to my mil. The IFC is my ideal choice in term of distance and supposely the waiting time is more than 1 year but in view of covid, we manage to got him in much earlier. Also, registration fee and school fee has been paid. Im very insisting to put him in IFC as in the long run, i can put him in my ideal school up till K2. However, my mil feels upsad that we choose IFC over her. Previously as she is still working, i does not want her to quit her job for the sake of taking care of grandson. In long run when my son turns 18months or even nursery, he will still go to school, by then her "duty" is done and she has nothing more to do. Now she got retrenched, she said she got more time to care for her grandson. But i dont want her life revolving around grandchildren. She is in her mids 50s, still fit to work. We encourage her to look for new job and she can still take care of grandson over the weekends. But she mentioned let her take a break and see to situation. I dont mind letting mil to take care of my son but i will lose the slot of IFC which i dunno if by 18mth i can secure the slot or anot. If i insist on IFC, my mil will be upsad and sure mil/dil relationship sure turn bad. Haix, what shall i do. 😭

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VIP Member

maybe can let her trial for a few days before u start with ifc to see how she can handle baby alone when u are at work.but from my experience, its quite difficult to handle baby if there are other household chores to be done. let her experience it, and also for u to see if you are comfortable... if not can just alternate between ifc and mil. maybe 3 days ifc and 2 days mil. ifc no need to send everyday. so ur mil also have time for herself, and if she finds a job, u still got slot for ifc. im currently also only sending my dg 3 times a week.

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VIP Member

i would prefer MIL cos its someone i can trust fully without worrying at work. However, i suggest you to think twice cos initially my MIL told me she could handle and ended up she can't so i have to rush to find a maid (cos no aval IFC, ALL FULL) It was very frustrating as I have to rush things out. Maybe advice ur MIL tell her she can still choose to help pick n send baby if she wants. fyi, my MIL is a Housewife. she couldnt handle house chores, cooking etc cos handling my baby is too overwhelming.

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VIP Member

I prefer MIL is because baby immune system not like adult, previously I thinking putting my elder boy to IFC is because my MIL is mid 60, but she say she is ok to take care, so I try for a mth (only hse work I do on the weekend), so far she is ok until 18 mths I send my boy to PG. After all is your decision whether which is good for your child and your MIL and also depend how is your relationship with your MIL.

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Super Mum

I think you should let your baby try IFC first. If he cannot get used to it or keep falling sick, you can then withdraw and let your MIL take careZ For now, perhaps your MIL can use this time to rest, take a break, go for some courses to upgrade her skills and look for a new job since she is only in her 50s.

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In my opinion, I would go ahead with infant care just in case MIL has other plans now that she’s not working. She can still help by sending/fetching your LO on some days. At least you don’t have to worry about getting another placement in another childcare center.

I would prefer ifc to be honest. Because if u want to let mil take care, be prepared to have conflicts/quarrel sooner or later over baby issue. This is something unavoidable. Afterall their method of taking care is definetly diff from our generation.

It depends on whether u want ur baby to grow up in a home/family envt or a school envt. From what i read, u would prefer a sch envt. U can try telling ur mil the benefits of ifc and convince her. Afterall, its ur own child, and u v the final say.

perhaps can put ifc till a certain timing then your mil picks him up earlier..that way she gets to spend time with him plus rest too I feel babies will learn more in ifc as compared to home too 🙂

IFC is better. Maybe you can get MIL to pick your child. At least she will not be tired looking after and doing household chores and cooking. Have a discussion with your hubby too.

ifc space is hard to come by. can put ifc MIL fetch half day. win win situation as bb also needs time to settle down ur MIL is also not overwhelm