Just need to rant it all out .. I'm a SAHM .. my hubby is always so passive when it comes to helping me with our Two kids. For example , after he has finished his meal while I'm still struggling to feed our 9 months old, he can jus happily play with his phone or walk away to do his things even though he knows that I've not eaten n my plate filled with rice is still untouched on the table . After I've fed my Baby , I need to watch over him n gobble down the food that has already turned cold n many times I jus lost my appetite . Like jus now, I told him I haven't eaten yet but he jus keep quiet n do his own things. I'm so upset! :( we don't have helper or parents or in-laws at home so is entirely on our own . I have to ask him to help then he will slowly n reluctantly come n help :( Not only this , many other things too .. he is just so passive! Brought kids to East Coast .. he can Just sit farther away from the sea n play with phone while I struggle with Two kids at the beach near the sea. I'm really angry ! I don't believe that all husbands are like that ! I'm sure there are very hands-on daddies around ! I tried telling him directly . No use . I dunno what else I can do :(

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For my first kid. my husband behaves the same as he is back up by my PILs that his role is to bring the bread back only although I am working too. For my firstborn, he had never shower or change a diaper for her once in her first year of life. When we plan to have our second kid, we sit down to talk about what kind of kids we want to raise. I ask him the question like how does he rate his relationship with his parents (he is brought out by his grandmother and parents were always not around.) Will he like his kids to be treated and experience the same loneliness and fear when he is young? Will he want his kids to behave like strangers and fingerpointing at each other whenever there is a conflict or issue in our family? His upbringing was as long as I paid the necessity for the kids he has done his role as a parent. It took me a long time to change his mindset and my first kid did a great job too. Things started to change after we have our second kid, he took 3 weeks off to stay at home to be my "confinement lady" as we do not have any help from our parents nor helper. That's when he realised how important it is to bond with the kids. I normally will not ask him to "babysit our kids" I will tell him that is his responsibility to parent our kids. We also share the load of housework as he starts to realise he needs to be a role model for our kids to keep the house clean since my kids will ask question like "why daddy is not keeping the house clean and she is required to". It is a long process but you need to be patience and blind in some areas but firm when you need to be. Proud to say although I am a SAHM, my husband still helps out in sweeping and mopping the floor, feeding the kids and even bringing the kids our on his own for bonding to give me some "Me" time. Remember to give him some credit and have couple time after the kids have sleep to talk about his day so that he still feel love by you so that he is more willing to do his share at home. Hope my experience help.

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My hubby also tends to brush off the responsibility to take care of our child as he thinks is troublesome. This is the "Culture" that was bring down from the previous generation(s). Even when i was young, i do not remember a single moment that my own dad has really taken care of me besides giving my mom financial support. What I can really do to improve the next generation mentality is to "teach" my own son what is so important about nurturing his own kid in future together with his future wife. Now i got to teach both (hubby and son) together... Oh gosh... I will use this method everytime he acts up again... I will always start by asking do you like your own father, if not why? And why do you do the same and make your own son had the same feelings you have before? Do you want him to have this same feeling forever?.... Slowly my hubby realised he is repeating what his own father is doing and gradually turn things around... though he is rowdy in teaching and doing bonding but at least i can see he is trying... To all mummies out there complaining why hubby is not doing things, please at least educate your own son to break the cycle that only mother is the most "suitable" person to teach... "Fighting"

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I am thankful that my husband is willing to learn especially since we are new parents.. my boy is 20 months.. He will try to help me and spend time with his boy. Sometimes when he is busy, he will struggle to spend time . Back when he was single, he wasn't close to his parents and didn't bond well .. so I am glad that he is trying to have more presence in my son's life. For meals, my son is willing to sit on our laps and let us have time to eat. Usually one of us will eat first while the other will feed.. Then once the parent finished dinner, will carry the child and let the other one eat. I guess it really takes lots of patience and love for both parents especially the father to be involved in the child's life

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I'm Glad my hub is helpful. Aft work he will help me to feed LO in fact at times he's the one who let the dinner turns cold while I eat. Then I took over n he eats cold Food. Both of us want kids n we did mention about responsibilities taking aft children. At times he dead beat then I'll let him rest. If not usually he will help me w diaper changing feeding n carrying crying baby

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5y ago

You are so blessed :) I feel so sad for myself :(

normal. i came back with 1 laptop bag, 2 full recycled bag of groceries and 1 pkt of toilet roll, as i was opening the gate, the mails fell and scattered all over the floor. i struggled to pick them up from the floor and my bags all started to fall forward. anyway to cut it short, my hubby just took a look at me and continue to glue his eyes on tv.

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i feel you. I'm in the same situation. I've chosen to ignore him and focus on my LO. Be strong and don't rely on him. If you can, find some ways to earn some income. Eg. ecommerce which I'm starting on. All the best.

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Hey. Big hugs! It's perfectly normal! My husband is like this too! i actually got used to it! But don't worry about it, during a time when you are away. your husband will def step up the game! so don't worry about it

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5y ago

Thanks babe for your comforting words

Hey !! I hope your situation gets better and your husband will see the importance to be involve in your kids' life.. Maybe good to have a talk and help him see your point and understand his point

my husb is like that too. most men are