Just need to rant it all out .. I'm a SAHM .. my hubby is always so passive when it comes to helping me with our Two kids. For example , after he has finished his meal while I'm still struggling to feed our 9 months old, he can jus happily play with his phone or walk away to do his things even though he knows that I've not eaten n my plate filled with rice is still untouched on the table . After I've fed my Baby , I need to watch over him n gobble down the food that has already turned cold n many times I jus lost my appetite . Like jus now, I told him I haven't eaten yet but he jus keep quiet n do his own things. I'm so upset! :( we don't have helper or parents or in-laws at home so is entirely on our own . I have to ask him to help then he will slowly n reluctantly come n help :( Not only this , many other things too .. he is just so passive! Brought kids to East Coast .. he can Just sit farther away from the sea n play with phone while I struggle with Two kids at the beach near the sea. I'm really angry ! I don't believe that all husbands are like that ! I'm sure there are very hands-on daddies around ! I tried telling him directly . No use . I dunno what else I can do :(

For my first kid. my husband behaves the same as he is back up by my PILs that his role is to bring the bread back only although I am working too. For my firstborn, he had never shower or change a diaper for her once in her first year of life. When we plan to have our second kid, we sit down to talk about what kind of kids we want to raise. I ask him the question like how does he rate his relationship with his parents (he is brought out by his grandmother and parents were always not around.) Will he like his kids to be treated and experience the same loneliness and fear when he is young? Will he want his kids to behave like strangers and fingerpointing at each other whenever there is a conflict or issue in our family? His upbringing was as long as I paid the necessity for the kids he has done his role as a parent. It took me a long time to change his mindset and my first kid did a great job too. Things started to change after we have our second kid, he took 3 weeks off to stay at home to be my "confinement lady" as we do not have any help from our parents nor helper. That's when he realised how important it is to bond with the kids. I normally will not ask him to "babysit our kids" I will tell him that is his responsibility to parent our kids. We also share the load of housework as he starts to realise he needs to be a role model for our kids to keep the house clean since my kids will ask question like "why daddy is not keeping the house clean and she is required to". It is a long process but you need to be patience and blind in some areas but firm when you need to be. Proud to say although I am a SAHM, my husband still helps out in sweeping and mopping the floor, feeding the kids and even bringing the kids our on his own for bonding to give me some "Me" time. Remember to give him some credit and have couple time after the kids have sleep to talk about his day so that he still feel love by you so that he is more willing to do his share at home. Hope my experience help.