Marriage

I am very sad and unhappy in my marriage. I know my Husband is unhappy too, if not there’s no reason why he would time and again hurt me. Not just emotionally. Used to be physically too. Until he hurt our child too and admitted to hospital due to head trauma. Ever since he stopped hitting me, fearing he lost control again and hurt our child. I cant communicate with him anymore. Can’t feel happy when we go out together. Can’t feel connected with him on every level. Really feels like we are on different page. All this loneliness is driving me nuts. But I found out I’m pregnant. To be honest, I don’t feel like keeping. I know it’s just going to be me who will be taking care of the baby. And I have a toddler and have to face his nonsense. I really don’t know if I can do this alone. I have depression. Really don’t know what’s the best for me. Give birth and divorce? Abort and divorce? Give birth and hope this will work? I really don’t know what to do. 2 person so unhappy together, got meaning?

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My thoughts goes out to you and your family. It must be extremely painful to go through this ordeal. I wish I have the perfect answer for your situation, alas, I do not. I am going to speak for marriage because I am a firm believe of marriage. I speak from my own broken marriage that got healed, salvaged from a near divorce. Please bear with my sharing, as it might sound preachy and a bit of a lecture. Please take my sharing with my sincerest care. Marriage is not about happiness. When I chose my wife, I chose to marry her in love. I hope for happiness, but I don't expect it. Marriage is about love, not happiness. With love, comes a wide range of emotions, including pain and suffering. That's why our vows include "for better or for worse". If you're trying to find meaning in happiness in marriage, you're not going to find it. It applies in other areas of life too. You don't find meaning in happiness in your job, children, wealth. On the contrary, it works the other way round. You find happiness in the meaning of life. In your case, you will only find happiness when you know the meaning of your marriage. I don't have your husband's perspective of marriage, but from the way you describe it, it seems he married with the expectation of happiness. His actions might be the result of disappointment from the lack of happiness in the marriage. Marrying with the expectation of happiness is the number 1 recipe for divorce. You might be wondering, what's the meaning of marriage then? The short answer is, love. The long answer is that you have to find out the meaning of love on your own. Love is something that you must experience yourself in order to give love. Marriage is not the answer to love. Your husband is also a human, who needs to be loved too, before he can express love. If you feel like ending this marriage, I totally understand. It is extremely difficult to give love when you're not receiving love yourself. No one can. I wish there is an easy path for you to take. But just as I went through, there isn't any easy path. I went through excruciating pain that can break any marriage. I was fortunate in my circumstances, that I knew not to expect happiness in marriage, that my source of love has never been my wife, and that I have a strong support group. It's only because I have been loved, that's why I can continue to love my wife despite its broken state. I am loved, that's why I love. Please keep your child. All life is precious. Don't take the easy path of abortion. If I may recommend, find a marriage counsellor immediately. It won't gaurantee a working marriage, but it will certainly ensure that you are not alone during this painful period. The pain of a broken marriage is not for 1 person to bear alone. May God be your comforter during this time of pain, a guiding light during uncertainty, and your source of love.

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5y ago

Basically I’m like a single mum except he provides everything. I’m jobless for quite a while now and I’m pregnant so I don’t think I can get a job at the moment that can supports me and my child, in future I need to support 2 children and a place to stay. I kind of have to bear with all this until I deliver and finds a solution. With depression, it’s really quite hard to get through this period on my own. Thank you for your wise words. I need to find happiness on my own and not depend my happiness on others.