RANT

I always thought i had no issues with my in laws until now that the baby is born, like seriously we only brought the baby back for 2 days & problems are surfacing... My mil wanted to do the confinement for me so my mum didnt help, ended up she doesnt know what to do at all lol, just cook extra fish soup for me that's all, then watch her drama series the whole day, i still have to do washing of my bowls, milk bottles & breast pump parts etc. Then when I said I wanted to do the herbal shower, she said u will get arthritis if u shower everyday during confinement, so cannot. So her concept is I can touch cold water to do the washing the whole day but cannot have a hot shower??!! Then the breastfeeding part and taking care of baby, I have short nipples so baby having a difficult time latching on, mostly need to express and bottle feed, she kept saying on that & saying I'm not feeding baby enough so baby is crying etc, her food all focused on food that makes the mum produce more milk, but the thing I have plenty, I get engorged very easily and I just need time to express it out, my mil just cannot wait, asking if I'm done pumping every few min! We brought baby to the hospital for jaundice and the nurse took baby temperature say got slight fever, she & my fil immediately blamed me & my husband for having the air con on in our room that's why baby catch a cold! Yes we did on the air con, but we set it at freaking 28 degrees so it's comfy for the baby! Then another nurse took a second reading & there weren't any fever at all, she said the first reading was high because my mil overwrapped the baby so it's super warm!!! Swaddle + wrapped another double layed blanket over the baby! Then they just kept quiet & didnt say anything, no apologies no nothing. After a while still come back to say we shouldnt on the air con so cold... OMG I just hope it's my mum doing the confinement for me or if I can go back to my parent's place during this period! Cant wait for our own house to be ready!!!

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Hi! I know how you feel cos my mil comes over to help me after my confinement nanny left. He’s 2mths old now! I’ve come to manage my expectations when it comes to “help”from her. We also didn’t have discussion on what are the areas each and everyone is responsible for. I had to work out a feasible “job scope” for her which isn’t too taxing as well. Because I am an exclusively pumping mummy, I will ask her to do afternoon feedings and cooking of dinner. While I handle the rest of the backend work. From washing/ sterilizing bottles, prepping milk, cleaning of the house, adult and baby laundry, besides my pumping schedule. And I tell myself that everyone have the same goal in mind; that is to bring your baby up healthy and strong. Do have a talk with your husband to see if she’s okay with washing of bottles since you are still in your confinement period? Sometimes I go get annoyed by the stuff they say too. But I’ll rant it out to someone who’s willing to lend a listening ear. Remember to take care of yourself too!!

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Hi Mummy, I hope baby is doing well. I think the father of the child should be doing something to stop this situation of yours from escalating further. Now that the situation has directly affected the baby, it is best to go with your instinct as a parent of the child which is to guard her well-being. Yes, perhaps there are alot of factors that contributed to your mil or fil attitude change towards you(probably the child). The well-being of your child is of utmost importance. What is taught in the olden days are deem ineffective or incorrect medically, some of it may result in adverse consequences to the child. So our heart goes to you in making the right decision for the child. Please keep in mind, this is your child. Whatever happens in your purview is within your control.

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Mil is always a problem. So I learnt to set ground rules of like when they can come visit their grandson etc. I tend to ignore what my mil said. Eg. Cannot bath during confinement is totally bullshit. Just use herbs with boiling water. Hygiene is super impt esp if latching on. In hospital also got aircon mah. She also get on telling my hub to ask me breastfeed for at least 2 to 3 years which her daughter did. My gynae n pd said 7 to 9 months should be good enough as baby need more nutrients from solids. So u just be as comfortable as possible. Move back to your parents place or engage a nanny. Coz u need to rest. If not long run is very taxing to your body.

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Update... So my stitches popped open & they are saying they have been telling me to rest in bed as much as I can but I just dont listen... Fml I told my husband about all these, how uncomfortable I am with the way this confinement is going & how my pil are handling my baby (mil dont even know how to change diapers, brings baby to me to change her, dont shower baby because she say she doesnt know how to) & he's upset that I dont appreciate his parents' help etc... My mum is also worried that if she just come to take over the confinement duties at my in laws place, things will get more awkward & my in laws will be unhappy. What should I do??

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4y ago

I think you should ask your mom for help.. You should be well taken care off. Not to feel any stress or upset on your confinement. Please talk to your husband then you need help. Your mum knows you the best and could take care of you and baby. Baby needs comforts and care too. So hard if you are handling it by yourself doing laundry and all. What is your husband doing anyway?

Thank you for sharing this very informative news. I always warn my husband I'm afraid my mil will drive me crazy once bb is out, he told me not to think so much (I think it's just mother instinct). Will be cautious of her the moment bb comes.. Meanwhile, have you sound your mil that it's ridiculous she watch her stupid drama the whole time, don't help you with dishes and yet forbid you from bathing? Ask your hubby talk to her. Since she wants to take up this job, ask her to be more responsible for what she signed up for.

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VIP Member

Understand how u feel , I think the elderly will Have the tendency to point finger at us. So don’t take it to heart as u r the mom and know what’s best for ur baby. Every one just have the interest of heart for this little baby . So whatever they want to comment listen and don carry along with u , vent out is good but probably also can hint ur hubby u now under confinement so may tend to need more tender loving care from everyone after 9months of carrying the important baby with u.

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So sorry to hear this. If I were you, I will talk to my husband & go back to my mother's place. My grandma always say - confiment is very important to a woman. Once your confiment food or routine goes wrong, you might suffer in future (backaches, weak body ect). You shouldn't be doing any washing at all. If really had to, try to wear gloves. We can shower with ginger water or confiment herbal pack. Take care~

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VIP Member

I know exactly how you feel !! Always had a cordial relationship with my MIL until she came to do my confinement year back too. But this is something you need to discuss with your husband and just try and remind yourself that this will be over soon. Take care(:

TapFluencer

Own mum will definitely know what her daughter favourite food and taste better, that's why from the start before birth i stated firmly that my mum will do my confinement for me. Lucky my mil is ok with it.

Own mother is always better than in law.. take it easy and don’t stress yourself during this confinement period or your body will not heal enough ! Jiayou girl !!