Not enough rest

Question

How do people cope with raising a kid without extra help? My in laws asked me to do all the night feedings as my husband is working and needs to rest well at night. But in the day, it’s also me taking care of baby, feeding the baby, washing bottles, pump, wash baby’s clothes, do housework. When husband comes back after work, he is tired, so he takes a nap and only help with maybe one feeding. And my in laws still expect me to cook dinner every night for my husband because outside food is not as nutritious. I feel like I’m always busy the entire day. Doesn’t help that my mil likes to pop by, see the baby (not help to feed or bathe etc), and then comment “Aiyo why your floor so sticky? You need to ensure that the house is clean because now you have a baby.”, or “Aiyo why you haven’t bathe the baby yet? (It’s only like 11am in the morning. I also need to rest and settle my own breakfast?) Why her cheeks got rashes, you never clean properly?” So many comments that makes me so stressed everytime she pops by. People say “sleep when the baby is sleeping!”, but it’s easier said than done. When the baby sleep, it’s time for me to pump and do housework. Sigh… I don’t even know how things will be like when my maternity leave ends. I’ve been crying so much whenever I think about it. Anyone can share their experiences? #pleasehelp #advicepls #firstmom

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have no help after my husband ends his PL too. First few months it’s definitely tough but once your body gets used to the haywire routine and as baby grows, you can start dragging pump sessions, it will get easier. (The day when I started 12 hourly pump and had my first 12 hours full sleep, damn I was an entirely diff person.) One thing better for me is that, my pil don’t expect me to cook. I am personally okay with eating outside food and I have only one baby. If your pil is worried that outside food is gonna be unhealthy for their baby, ask them to cook for their baby then. They don’t have to cook for you it’s fine, just don’t expect you to do everything. Everyone’s life is changing, everyone is learning how to be a new parent and everyone is tired. Just because you’re working outside doesn’t make you more tired and vice versa, just because I am home, it doesn’t mean I get to shake leg watch movie. If your husband doesn’t want to help with baby, the least he can do is SETTLE HIS OWN DINNER. Please take care of your own wellbeing (mentally and physically) first, while you are a wife and mom, don’t forget that you are also someone’s daughter, someone’s gem. Treat yourself better 🫶🏻.