has anybody had an aggressive son? how did you control? do I mellow down my 4 yr old? he gets aggressive quickly and now and then says " i will hit you". i know, i am to be blamed partially cos to stop his aggression i used to slap him. that was to scare him and to stop hitting. he likes kids but does not like them to take initiative for friendship. he opens up very slowly with new people or kids. prefers older kids. i give up. i think i am the only mother with such problem. all other kids his age are not aggressive and their parents make faces.
it might sound absolutely ridiculous, but an aggressive child is actually a sign of a healthy development! the outwardly signs that you are mentioning are signs that he is channelizing his internal anger and not holding on to them, which is a positive sign. the fact that you connect his aggression with some instances where you too did the same makes sense, kids almost always replicate the parents, especially those things we don't want them to replicate. for now, i would suggest you don't lose your cool and instead of worrying what others feel, focus on him, show him your love and attention and tell him repeatedly that you love him. also, whenever he says i will hit you, get down to his height level, look at him, hug him and say its not nice to say so, you are a good boy, no hitting. these links might help https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/12-helping-young-children-channel-their-aggression https://empoweringparents.com/article/hitting-biting-and-kicking-how-to-stop-aggressive-behavior-in-young-children/Read more
Kids are clever, they follow what you do, hence if possible, stop slapping him. Uses words of love to melt him. Say 1 whole long logical and sad feeling that you have to him, they understand, talk as long as you can, and be serious and sad, they can feel it. (Anyway it's only work for 1st time only. ) I always tell my girl, whenever she see any kids, friend friend, whenever she see any kid, so she will not be very bad or what to them. now she see other kid will say friend friend. Try again slowly to get him open up, we start since young too. At times my girl is sensitive and get angry when people walk pass her and knock into her, i will tell her it's ok, they are not purposely, say sorry behalf or stranger. As we told her to say sorry when she do wrong also.Read more
hi! I've attended a Parenting seminar entitled Raising Healthier, Smarter and We'll Behaved Children. and one of the speaker Ms. Frances Yeo, A Consultant Psychologist in Thompson Medical Centre suggest us parents how to raised a well behaved child....because many of us have also a very active and as you say aggressive child. Her tips is as follows 1. Let your child express his/her emotions.2. Learn to Tune in 3. Explore relevant solution to the problem. Here I attached the image from her PowerPoint presentation how to Tune in to our children's emotion and how to correctly respond. Hope it helps. Cheers!Read more
Maybe you can warn him of the consequences of hitting people in the real world when he grows older. Tell him that he can get arrested by the police and be in a lot of trouble for being aggressive. Let him know that he needs to learn to control his anger because you can't be around to protect him all the time. Seems harsh but I find this "scare tactic" works well because children need to learn that the authorities might not be as forgiving as a parent would.Read more
Thanks and I agree 'scare tactics' are essential sometimes.
Would you be keen to bring him for a counselling session? Seeking professional help earlier would solve the issue faster. Of course on your side, maybe try to educate him and let him know it's wrong this way. Sometime adults do do wrong things but we just have to admit, change and move on.
Myself too feel that counselling will help him in expressing his feelings . But my husband thinks we need to give him some time,especially now that his school will start in 2 months....which will for 6-7 hours...thus keeping him busy with activities and maybe balanced. keeping my fingers crossed.
Apologise to him about slapping him last time and tell him you will not be violent to him again as it is wrong . Then he will learn he can't do it to others too.
Stop using actions slapping or hitting. They don't understand. This they may end up doing the same when someone else is doing something wrong.
Talking helps greatly never lay hands as much as possible. I know it's tough. Its easier said then done. But we have try and keep trying.
Thanks for this reply making me feel positive about future.