I have a 4 yr old son. He is aggressive towards younger kids than him. He is the only child with no small cousins etc around us . Even in playareas he will hit the ones younger to him without being incited. On seeing them he will push, hit and kick. Even if strangers smile etc. he will reply on unfriendly tone saying No. Otherwise he is a normal, hyperactive but very intelligent and observant of his surroundings & people. Is it because I slap/spank him whenever he is aggressive with me. But if I do not hit or spank/slap him he pinches etc badly. He will be joining an International school this August in Singapore and I am worried as to how he will be with kids their. He is short-tempered. I am very fed-up.

aggression is a normal part of a child's development. Lots of children this age grab toys from classmates, hit, kick or scream themselves blue in the face from time to time. Other triggers may have more to do with frustration. After all, your child is learning a lot of new skills, from using scissors to speaking in complex sentences. He can easily become frustrated with everything he's trying to learn and end up pouncing on a playmate. If he's going to preschool for the first time, he's also getting used to being away from home. If he feels resentful or neglected on top of everything else, he might just retaliate by shoving the child who won't get out of his way. The good news is your child will eventually grow out of his aggressive behaviour as he discovers how to use words instead of fists and feet to solve his problems. It's best to let him know instantly when he's done something wrong. Remove him from the situation for a brief time-out – for a 4 year old, three or four minutes is enough. The idea is for him to connect his behaviour with the consequence and to work out that if he hits or bites, he'll miss out on the fun. No matter how angry you are with him, try not to shout, hit or tell him that he's naughty. Rather than getting him to change his behaviour, this simply teaches him that verbal and physical aggression are acceptable when he's angry. Instead, set a good example by controlling your temper and calmly pulling him out of the situation. http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1021981/aggression-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it-ages-3-to-4

Maybe you can teach him from a different approach. Instead of hitting him or using a loud voice, tell him slowly. Take his hands away and say, " it is not right to pinch people, would you like somebody to do it to you? " Let him have timeout whenever there is a meltdown. Let him sit at a corner to calm down. Do not attempt to scold and shame him in public, take him to one side and talk to him if it happens outside. Most of the time, how children reacts, is what the parents or caregiver are showing them. Children learn what we do, how we react, how we speak. Sometimes, they just needed attention, put some time away and play with the child, make him feel loved so that he knows how to love. My son used to be this way too. Then I realised, I am not spending enough time with him. I shout at him all the time when he did something wrong. But I have never hit him so he doesn't go around hitting people.

Be consistent every time. Say in sole words "we don't hurt others". Instead if disciplining him right there, turn ur attention towards the hurt children. Comfort them. This means you are sending him a message that he cannot get ur attention by misbehavior. Also reward him by loving words every time he does kind things. Let them be simple gestures of helping out in ur daily work. Or anything else. It sends a message to him that he gets more attention when he does good things. Its just a balance. He will learn it soon. You can model kind gestures to him. When you talk kindly to neighbours or kids, tell h, " see, I have got more friends because of being friendly " He will grow out of this phase fast.

pls see a child therapist/counselor and along wit ur kid pls ask from her/him tips on how to manage the situation when it arises. it looks like he feels that the solution to any attention is beating, shouting etc. unwittingly perhaps u or ur family have taught him this or he may have learnt it from the tv, cartoons, video games etc. children can only learn thru example and what's acceptable at home. so right now behavioral therapy is what he needs to go thru.

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heard from someone that they think hitting others is ok since parents hit them..

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