my friend was a widow for 10 years and has finally found love. but her 10 year old daughter is against the marriage. how can she make her agree?
I think your friend will have to make her comfortable with the person she is planning to get married to. Also, since she is 10 year old and already has a mind of her own and must have developed strong opinions about things and issues, I suggest sit with her and lay the whole situation in front of her. Bare your heart and tell her everything that is going on with you. If you will be honest in sharing your feelings with her, she too will open up her heart, and you both can tell each other what is bothering you both. And have more and more meetings with your would be husband and her. And in front of her never ever express your love for him in a way that she feels left out or less loved by you. Kids are very possessive and do not want to share their mom's love with anyone, and in this case it is going to be a new person, so you have to be particular about expressing your love to would be husband. Give her time to accept a new person as an important person in her mother's life. You have to be patient as it will take time may be years. If she will feel that your bond with her not affected in any less way because of this new person, she would slowly accept this person. But if she will feel insecure about your love, things can go for a toss and your relationship with her and her growing up years will be a big turmoil. So, you got to be extra loving, caring with your daughter. I think no matter what never forget to have word with your daughter each night before going to bed. Aways keep the conversation flowing.Read more
For all of her life the daughter has been the centre of her mother's life and vice-versa. Now another person has come into her mother's life.Attention has been diverted so obviously the girl will feel a little upset and insecure. She's afraid to lose her mum. The daughter must have a lot going through her mind. On one hand there will be a feeling of happiness that she will have a father figure in the man and also someone to end her mother's loneliness. On the other hand she will be sceptical of whether he will accept her like a daughter and will they gel. The mum needs to have a little patience and take time and a little more effort to convince her daughter that this is a pleasant change in their lives. Make the man and her daughter interact a little more and i'm sure she'll come around. At the end of the day,the child is only 10 years old and her mother is all she has known for so long.Read more
i think the main reason here is that she is insecure, that someone else will replace her spot and you will love her less. you mentioned she is 10, and your friend has also been a widow for the same amount of time, which means she did not have a father at home. i think it is important for your friend to communicate openly with her and find out what is wrong. ask her to spend as much time possible with her daughter and give her lot of attention too. also, to help her know the man better, try to do joint outings, without making it seem as if you want her to like him. it is okay if she doesn't speak to him initially or is not happy. still ask your friend to try.Read more