Baby prefers helper to us - the parents!

My baby girl turned 5mths old and she’s growing very attached to our helper who has been taking care of her for 3mths now. Our girl will always look out for her and cry uncontrollably when we carry her until our helper takes over, this is especially so when she’s sleepy and wants her to carry her to sleep - then her cries stops magically. I’ve just returned to work and I’m extremely upset & hurt by this. What can we do? Our helper is doing a great job but at the same time I feel hurt and upset that my baby treats me like a stranger and we don’t want to be overly reliant on our helper as well - Upset 1st time mother :(

13 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

I guess that just means that you need to bond with the baby more often? We understand that as a working adult, sometimes it’s very tiring to still carry and coax your baby when you return from work, but if you don’t bond with your baby enough, it’s normal to have this type of reaction? Usually either me or my hubby will carry the baby the moment we come home and is showered and will start bonding with our baby. We also tend to take care of the baby ourselves during weekends or let my little sister tend to the baby if she comes over. He’s still very attached and comfortable with the maid, but he is equally comfortable with us and have no issues sleeping in our arms. On the bright side, it means that your helper must have been very nice to your baby. So be happy about that. At 3 months old, the baby is still very young. Don’t be upset or offended by this. Just continue treating your maid well so she will reciprocate on your baby. Things will get better as your baby grows older.

Read more
VIP Member

Baby will naturally be more attached to the person she spends the most time with, which would be your helper. I find that it is usually more pronounced in the initial months, but it gets better as the child grows and understands that there are many people who care for him/her. As many have already mentioned, it likely means your helper is doing a good job caring for her while you are out at work. For working mamas like us, you'll have to accept that the child's affection will be shared but you have to consciously set aside and take the time to bond with baby. Don't be too sad mama, baby will know you are her mama. Helpers come and go but you are her constant in her life.

Read more
VIP Member

First of all, be thankful and grateful that your helper is doing a really good job looking after her - it means that she has been taking a real good care of her because she's so attached to her :) As for the issue about her being attached, it all boils down to the amount of time you spend with your daughter. Yes, we're all tired and busy with trying to earn enough for our families - but please NEVER let work get in the way of your family time. Just spending that time after work with her would help a lot, it'll take some getting used to for both you and your daughter but things would get better if you put in the effort :)

Read more

Thank you mummies for your comments & sharing. Yes, I’m most grateful to have such a good helper taking care of my little girl and I do not resent her for it. I’ve been carrying & playing with my baby after work as well and on non-working days - hopefully things will get better soon 🤞🏻. I wonder how old will baby be before she understands we are her parents? 1 year old?

Read more
2y ago

She understands and knows you are her mummy since shes was in your womb! She wld be most familiar with your voice too! Spend more time caring and communicating with her. Have alone time too. She will feel it. :)

I feel u... I had the same feeling when my kid prefers my helper over me. Think positively, at least you know your kid is in good hands. When the child is older, he or she will know who their parents are. For now their still young and will be more attached to their primary caregiver. Spend more time with them and eventually they will know auntie is just auntie..

Read more

I felt extremely jealous too when my baby started showing more attachment to my maid. But then I consoled myself thinking that at least it shows my maid is taking care of her well. It isn't lucky to get a good maid these days, so we should be thankful that our maids are treating our little ones with lots of love and care!

Read more
VIP Member

It’s great to have a helper that ur baby can turn to , but maybe try to bond with the baby once u home and spend more real quality time to bond with baby like bedtime singing and story telling which probably also can communicate with your helper on how she manage the baby since she spend more time with the baby .

Read more

May I just say what a wonderful job your helper is doing. it is just that kids sometimes get attached to one person a lot. But, it always works to sit with the child and talk to him or her about something interesting, probably some interesting stories? This will help making a bond with your child :)

VIP Member

Will absolutely change when your baby becomes a toddler. My Daughter was just like this for the first one year -now she is 3 and is a clingy “Monster” with me. Doesn’t even let me go to the toilet alone. It’s mama mama mama all day Enjoy the break right now, mama. And focus on you ;)

VIP Member

Thank your helper first then slowly bond and let your child feel your presence more. Let her/him see you more and have more interaction with one another. Try to set limits to your house that when you get home you shouldn't be working and focus on her/him instead.