16mo LO, hubby and i are staying at my parents place as our home will only be ready in Dec. I am also currently preg in my 37weeks. Parents have always been interfering whenever we try to teach or guide LO. Since baby, LO has always been taken care by parents and recently(these few days), LO is super duper sticky to mum. He will scream and yell until he sees mum. Furthermore, if we don give in to him in any ways, he will also scream and cried badly. Hubby and I have been trying not to let LO has his way. But whenever we are educating and explaining to LO, my parents especially my mum will interfere. Ytd night while slping halfway, LO woke up screaming and crying for no reason. Tried coaxing him with things he stopped crying, after awhile he cried again. Mum came in the room scolded us for letting LO cry and she took LO away. Hubby and i tried to tell her that this is not the right way to teach LO and he will know how to get things in his way. Its gonna be a bad habit. Ended up having a heated arguments, they claimed that we do not have the ability to take care of LO and still trying to act smart. Mum says that leave LO with her and she knows how to take care of him. Parents said that we do not know what is best for LO. We made him cry and we don't love him, just being selfish to keep him by our sides when LO doesnt even want to be with us. In the end dad shouted at us! He said " take ur son away all u want and move out of the house now, u can teach and guide whatever ways u may like, leave!" I was so angry but hubby pulled me away. I really feel so angry why would they(parents) behave like this? In the past, i remembered clearly that they told my grandparents that they are not supposed to interfere in any ways how they(parents) gonna bring up the kids. Why is it now they are doing different thing? And to think that, dad could just happily chase us out just because we are staying at their place now.

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The ideal situation would be to have a place on your own the moment you have children because these situations are commonplace. Though my parents are keen to have my wife, baby and myself live with them, (they own a nice three storey 5000 sq-ft house btw), I insisted on living at my own place and sleeping over only during the weekends where they can interact with our baby. We figured that it’s important to maintain a nucleus family and for our child to recognise his parents as the full authority. My folks have good intentions but their world-views are crafted in the past and riddled with folks-tale. And hence I have to always remind myself that it’s nobody fault when opposing views present themselves and it’s a matter of managing them. Personally, I take the scientific and medical approach. When my folks propose something that makes me uncomfortable, I will subtly point to professional practices - “Let’s see what the hospital says, let’s see what WHO recommends, let’s see what the children doctors suggest.” As parents it’s your TOTAL responsibility in bringing up your own child. Your folks are there to support and compliment, but you assume the lion share in the development of your child. Therefore, if they turn wayward afterwards, you blame no one but only yourself. Thus, my message to you is to take control. The onus is on you to have accurate thinking, being decisive and being diplomatic in terms of resolving the differences in views and ensuring that your child grows up the best possible way according to the resources that you now have.

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3y ago

very wise answer!

Hi, they really shldnt not trust you. I also don't like it when my mom interfere with every little things I say towards the upbringing of my 17months old boy. Like she is damn pro. My mil worse so bossy. I used to stay with mil and she caused alot of tension between us. I won't say anything just keep quiet but go into the room to shut myself out from her because I'm staying at her house. It is that bad that I have post natal depression because of her because I kept things to myself, not allowed to voice out or tell her anything that she does is not good not right or ahem not hygienic. I have moved out but the period there made me hate her so so so so much I just cannot learn to like her again. Now she at my place she also does her things like this is her house but I still continue to ignore her or find reason to not let her come. She is so cocky and cannot stop her eyes from hawking at each of my behavior. I'm sharing to you because really 家家有本难念的经。every family got their own story to tell. Hope you can brave through these last few months. Count down now. Once u move out will be different unless your child is taken care after by your mom and dad.

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My own parents did the same to me, I was chased out of the house when my Husband was overseas - just because I was 'defiant' and insisted that LO not have more than xx formula feeds a day ( I have more than enough breastmilk but they claimed that formula is best for a growing child). That was when I was still living under their roof, alone with LO, because they aren't comfortable with a stranger (my Husband) walking around the house. I totally understand how you feel. If you guys had the option to stay somewhere else, going now after this argument would cause matters to be worst. As much as you don't wish to hear this, you can only get out of this situation after you've shifted, and your LO is taken care of solely by you/ childcare in the day and night by you. So for now, have to grit your teeth and just try to unteach bad things when you can, but correcting your folks will cause more hurt (either ways) and if I were you I'd avoid these confrontations as it gets really tiring and bad for kiddo to witness. Congrats on bb no 2 btw!

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hi dear so sorry to hear whats happening there in ur house. Dec is just 3months to come and u arr due anytime soon. be nice to ur parents and ur son too he might be doing this due to jealousy of ur pregnancy know that u will doon have a little 1 coming and u might love him or.her more. Show him all your love bring him out with ur partner for ice creams or get him some kind of toys which will make him busy or even buy him colouring books and try to sit down with him and do those which he likes to do. show ur parents u can take care of him and and love him alot too. Dec is not far win ur parents heart too once u shift house u can start to teach him in a better way specially in ur own privacy...

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4y ago

also u might want to put ur 1st child in Child Care even if ur parents dont like it its okei, u dun have to tell them everything once u move out. it will sure to help.

I've been through exactly what u have been through! My husband asked me to tolerate till we moved out. Thank god we moved out last year Jun. We have to From the start teach & correct my Daughter. Thank god my gal changed! She is very spoilt when we stayed with my parents. Everything my mum shield my gal till she is spoilt! To be honest nothing much u can do now except to tolerate n do what is right in teaching. Moving out soon le so tolerate for now to avoid more arguments

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Well, things are different once they are grandparents. They can't bear to see the younger ones crying for long period of time. My inlaws does the same thing too. Moreover you are in ur 37weeks now, very likely that your LO is doing things to gain attention as you will be popping soon. Just hang in there. Since there is people able to help you care for your elder, just close one eye towards it. Focus on your 2nd baby first

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5y ago

Well. They are just like this. Trust me. Once ur no.2 is out, they won't be this protective anymore.

That's unfortunate. But kids are quite mouldable at this age. Once you get your own place, you can rework on the schedules. As you are pregnant, it makes sense to just focus on it rather than spending energy on coaching your parents. Trust me, let your kiddo be pampered for a while. It is not going to turn as a life-long habit. Before you move out, have a chat with your parents about boundaries.

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We can't control others but we can control ourselves. As frustrating as it maybe, this is to help yourself feel better.

Grandparents tend to over react and that's normal. End of the day everyone wants the best for the child.

5y ago

Now their extreme behavior is, hubby talks to them they nv reply or simply ignore. LO walks to them also pretend they nv see and just ignore. Totally ignorance to us now. Is there a need to behave like this? Venting out their anger?

Jus endure few more months. Alr endured so long le. Jiayou!