Parents that we can’t choose

Just wondering if anyone grew up in a not so conducive environment? Growing up my father always like to throw things around the house whenever he gets angry. I never knew this was wrong until much later. My mum wld always tolerate him and ask us not to make him angry. But now that I have a toddler in the same household, he doesn’t throw things but he likes to slam door and shout loudly. My mum on the other hand likes to criticise us whatever we do, calling us stupid, fat, poor etc. Never receive any compliments from them. I feel bad for my toddler because I wonder how much of this he’s taking in. We still have at least 2 more years to stay with them before my new flat arrives. Can’t wait to move out.

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My father is a narcissistic devious man who beats his wife, while my mother, a narcissistic borderline disorder personality person. They both are high functioning mentally ill people and extremely toxic to each other and to their children. They pretend they are okay when meeting others but behind the close curtain, it's a different story. My brother ended up in mental hospital suffering from chronic depression while my sister too suffers depression but managed to get it together. She decided to detach from the family. I suffered depression and PTSD but managed to pull together as well. It was difficult growing up trying to make sense of things. I keep myself busy with taking up multiple work and study and finally, obtained PhD, otherwise I would have been absolutely mental. Only now, I come to term that my parents are suffering from mental illnesses.. they're undiagnosed, they don't think there's anything wrong with themselves. Although they're separated over 20 years, they still put hex on each other. They're absolutely crazy with each other. My father end up being a professional scammer, while mother ended up becoming this "white sage" woman. I keep my distance from my mother and I cut tie from my father since the day he kidnapped my brother. He is also obsessed in stalking us. Im 36 years old and my family fall apart when I was age 19 years old. This doesn't go away, you just have to learn to dodge these toxic people. You learn to compartmentalise it and lock it away. Most importantly, do not be shame if you need the support. If you don't have good trusted friends, find professional counselor. It helps to get your mind to think with clarity. They will reassure you that you are not sick or wrong or the one at fault. Since I cut tie and distance myself, I keep my child exposure to my mom extremely minimal and only limit brief interaction. Luckily for me, my in laws are absolutely beautiful people. So my child has normal life.

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