Ask the Expert: unconscious emotional traumatising

I grew up in a typical Asian family, being raised by my grandparents. I grew up with my siblings and cousins. My grandparents preferred the boys to girls and will often scold and hit us when we were naughty or not obedient. They will always make comparisons among the kids. My parents were busy and they don’t really communicate with us. As a kid, I had low self esteem, insecure and felt very inferior. These negative feelings continued till adulthood and affected my relationships. Even though I am considered successful in their eyes, I feel like it’s not real. Is this imposter syndrome? Now that I am a parent, I do have flashbacks. How do I avoid these mistakes and treat these long term issues? I am thinking of how to raise my child to be an independent and secure child. Would appreciate your advice, please. Thanks!